Yukito & Erin Maki's Apartment

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Aw, Cassie! I love you so freaking much! You said mistletoe first. And a tree-- but it can't be a tree from a box. Those don't count as real trees." Real trees were something she'd definitely gotten spoiled to-- they even went so far as to spray the tree down outside and let it dry so that the stuff that aggravated allergies washed off, so her mom wouldn't sneeze every time she walked into the living room.

"Nope. You're getting a real tree. The kind that has needles and smells good and makes my sister miserable because she's allergic."

Erin giggled, having just thought about allergies. "Hose it down!" Immediately she shifted back to making her verbal 'list'. "And, um, oh, a wreath for our door! And um, garland and stuff for the tree and all that, and stuff we can make Christmas cookies and food and stuff like that! And, um... oh, what if we had those giant yard candy-canes, but we could put them in the windows instead? Like, in an X style, so they don't fall over but still look cool and Christmasy? Oh, and lights! We can put lights around the door, too, right? Oh my god, I'm so excited!!" She was bouncing a little on her knees, then just as quickly shifted to sit flat and crossed her legs, still watching Yukito with a smile. Wordlessly, he reached up and started to tug her back down toward the spot next to him on the bed, wrapping one arm around her. It was the last thing Erin expected him to do. Oh.. okay... She smiled at the gesture, hoping this meant it was okay if she touched him again. But sh didn't try now. "What do you want, Yukito?"

"Christmas lights hung up all around the ceiling inside," he said immediately. Erin's eyes lit up at the prospect. That, she thought, was a perfect idea. Their new little home would look amazing with lights everywhere. "Christmas Cake... a gingerbread house... and enough tinsel that the carpet will glitter until next July."

Cassie and Erin both burst into laughter. "Seriously? Do you want that much tinsel? 'Cuz be careful, I'll get it for you."

"Do it!" Erin giggled out, considering it a challenge.

"Hey, listen, my mom's home. I should go. I'll get the stuff you asked for and deliver it soon, okay? If you think of anything else, let me know."

"Okay, thank you, Cassie, I love you so freaking much!"

"And...good luck. I'll see you later. Bye."

"By-ye!" Erin called out, then tacked on impulsively, "Ohayo!" Immediately she realized she'd scrambled the words again, and fell back onto the bed in laughter. "Crap! I did it again! Oh-ya-su-me!" she exclaimed, intentionally chopping up the word for emphasis as her laughter continued to filter through into her speech.

After a moment, she turned to her side and peered at Yukito. "We're gonna have a Christmas," she half-whispered, unable to conceal her excitement, and not really caring to, either. Except that... "Yukito, can I hug you now?" A pause. "...And can I kiss you?" She was quiet a moment longer than normal before she asked, "Will you... I mean, can I help you?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

Erin giggled, delighted by the news that they were going to have a real first Christmas. Something to remember and be happy about. "And, um, oh, a wreath for our door! And um, garland and stuff for the tree and all that, and stuff we can make Christmas cookies and food and stuff like that! And, um... oh, what if we had those giant yard candy-canes, but we could put them in the windows instead? Like, in an X style, so they don't fall over but still look cool and Christmasy? Oh, and lights! We can put lights around the door, too, right? Oh my god, I'm so excited!!" She was bouncing a little on her knees, then just as quickly shifted to sit flat and crossed her legs, still watching Yukito with a smile. Wordlessly, he reached up and started to tug her back down toward the spot next to him on the bed, wrapping one arm around her. She smiled at the gesture. "What do you want, Yukito?"

"Christmas lights hung up all around the ceiling inside," he said, "Christmas Cake... a gingerbread house... and enough tinsel that the carpet will glitter until next July."

Cassie and Erin both burst into laughter. "Seriously? Do you want that much tinsel? 'Cuz be careful, I'll get it for you." Yukito smiled, looking toward Erin.

"Do it!" Erin giggled out.

"Hey, listen, my mom's home. I should go. I'll get the stuff you asked for and deliver it soon, okay? If you think of anything else, let me know."

"Okay, thank you, Cassie, I love you so freaking much!" Erin called out, and Yukito added his own, "Thank you, Cassie...Seriously."

"And...good luck. I'll see you later. Bye."

"By-ye!" Erin called out, then tacked on impulsively, "Ohayo!" Yukito smirked at the mistake, especially when she noticed it herself. She burst out laughing, "Crap! I did it again! Oh-ya-su-me!" Yukito leaned closer to the phone to drown out Erin's laughter with his own amused, "Sayoonara." Then, the call ended, and he handed the phone back to Erin. She turned over to meet his eyes.

"We're gonna have a Christmas," she half-whispered, her elation barely bottled. He smiled wider, nodding. You deserve it. Then, unexpectantly, "Yukito, can I hug you now?"

He paused, then said, "Of course."

"...And can I kiss you?" He let out a little snort of laughter, thinking she was joking, and nodded. She was quiet a moment longer than normal before she asked, "Will you... I mean, can I help you?" His smile started to fade, remembering the way she'd kept her distance while they were on the phone. He'd sort of been hoping they could put off this conversation for a little while longer. But that was just how it went. Erin always managed to stumble right into their problem points, and he never knew how to receive her in those areas. Rolling over onto his side until he was facing her, he let out a sigh.

"I've been thinking a lot about this, Erin. About you moving in, the kind of things that'll be different...things we've got to deal with." He reached over to find the ends of her hair again, twisting it between his fingers while he spoke, "You know as well as me there's only one bed. To be honest, I didn't plan on getting another one unless you asked me specifically. But I know there's still a lot I haven't explained to you, and I know it's probably super-confusing and all..." He sighed, then closed his eyes, opening them slowly. "Hugging me is usually fine, Erin. Mostly because my dad didn't hug me..." He worked his lip, finding the next words so strange and foreign to him, "Kissing my lips is fine. I'm ready for that. But...my stomach..." Yukito swallowed down the growing lump in his throat. "Do you know how it feels to be trapped, Eriin? To be held down and know you can't get away? It's just as bad as being smothered. You start to choke on your own air..."

"My dad snuck into my room one night. I was half asleep. He started talking to me. I didn't pay attention at first, but the more he spoke...the more worried I became. The things he said...they weren't right. He pinned me down, placed his hand on my stomach, and held me down. I've always been a small kid. I hated that about myself that night, since I was so easy to pin down like that. All it took was one hand..." He held up his own hand, the one not in Erin's hair, staring at his own palm as though transfixed. Yukito's voice faded into a whisper, "He has such big hands... and all it took was one. Sometimes I can still sort of feel it. Heavy and warm and wrong." His expression seemed to break as he finally met her eyes again, the look in his eyes mournful and filled with regret. "I'm sorry you can't hold me, Erin. I'm sorry, and I want you to know it isn't your fault." His fingers reached out to brush against her face, and he offered her a little smile "I wish I'd been over this by the time I'd met you, as weird as that sounds..."

"There's only one bed, Erin. And I know you well enough to know you can't always keep a distance. I wouldn't want you to. It's like my body and mind are fighting each other constantly, and I hate it. That's why I didn't get another bed. I don't want the distance, Erin, and I need you to be patient for me, just until I can get through this..."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"We're gonna have a Christmas," she half-whispered excitedly, earning an affirmative smile from Yukito. She paused a minute before asking tentatively, "Yukito, can I hug you now?"

He paused, then said, "Of course."

"...And can I kiss you?" He scoffed a little at her comment and nodded. She was pretty sure he wasn't catching her meaning, and she was getting a little on edge about it. What if he shut down on her again, or she made things worse? It was their first whole day living together... if she were honest with herself Erin would admit she was afraid of ruining it. So there was a passing of silence before she made herself ask, "Will you... I mean, can I help you?" I don't want to make you want to pull away any more... The limitations they had made it feel like they were farther apart than they really were to her... that if she couldn't be confident in being so close to him, next to him physically, then she couldn't really show, "Look, this is how much I love you." And if he couldn't return that, then it felt like there was something missing from his love for her. It probably made her a horrible person to feel that way... She knew it wasn't on purpose. It wasn't his fault. He'd told her he loved her countless times, and showed her in countless ways. She was the one, Erin knew, who needed to compromise and wait and try her best to understand where he was coming from. Even if it was wounds she could never fully fathom.

Yukito shifted to face her. He sighed, and a fear went through her like a shock that she'd done wrong by saying anything about it. It wasn't her business, she should've just been fine with sitting back and...

"I've been thinking a lot about this, Erin. About you moving in, the kind of things that'll be different...things we've got to deal with." He reached over to find the ends of her hair again, twisting it between his fingers while he spoke. It was a simple gesture, but reassuring none the less. He still wanted her around. "You know as well as me there's only one bed." Erin wondered if she was blushing or not. "To be honest, I didn't plan on getting another one unless you asked me specifically. But I know there's still a lot I haven't explained to you, and I know it's probably super-confusing and all..."

"It's-- I'm listening," she offered, hoping he knew how serious she was about listening, and trying to understand.

He sighed, then closed his eyes, opening them slowly. "Hugging me is usually fine, Erin. Mostly because my dad didn't hug me..." It was a sad statement, on multiple levels, and Erin wondered if people's hearts really did "break for their fellow man" or however people quaintly worded it. Because she knew she would do anything to fix it, only she could do nothing, and that... that hurt. So she listened.

"Kissing my lips is fine. I'm ready for that. But...my stomach..." She waited, on edge almost, eager to understand now. "Do you know how it feels to be trapped, Eriin? To be held down and know you can't get away? It's just as bad as being smothered. You start to choke on your own air..." She wasn't sure if he expected an answer or not, so she just shook her head. No, she'd never felt like that... at least, not physically. And mentally, probably not the same way he meant it....

"My dad snuck into my room one night. I was half asleep. He started talking to me. I didn't pay attention at first, but the more he spoke...the more worried I became. The things he said...they weren't right. He pinned me down, placed his hand on my stomach, and held me down. I've always been a small kid. I hated that about myself that night, since I was so easy to pin down like that. All it took was one hand..." He held up his own hand, his voice dropping drastically. The whole image was a little chilling. "He has such big hands... and all it took was one. Sometimes I can still sort of feel it. Heavy and warm and wrong."

Despite knowing that such people existed in the world, despite knowing already that Yukito had suffered at one of their hands, it was still nearly unfathomable how such a thing could happen to him. Why? she wanted to cry in petition. Why did such a bad thing have to hurt you that way, why did it have to be to one of the most wonderful people, the best person I know? Why did he have to make him afraid? Why did it have to be this way, to him, now? Why?! Why can't anyone answer me?!!? A tear slipped from her eye that was closest to the bed. It grew heavy and splashed against the cloth, leaving a salty darkened circle behind.

"I'm sorry you can't hold me, Erin. I'm sorry, and I want you to know it isn't your fault." His fingers reached out to brush against her face, and he offered her a little smile. She smiled a little too, just as sad as his. But one day I can, right? Because it won't be this way forever... we'll get better... right? "I wish I'd been over this by the time I'd met you, as weird as that sounds..."

She swallowed, searching for her voice. Yukito spoke first.

"There's only one bed, Erin. And I know you well enough to know you can't always keep a distance. I wouldn't want you to. It's like my body and mind are fighting each other constantly, and I hate it. That's why I didn't get another bed. I don't want the distance, Erin, and I need you to be patient for me, just until I can get through this..."

"Don't--" she started, but her voice sounded dry and gritty, so she tried again. "Don't you mean, 'we'? We'll get through it?" She gave another smile, still small, but not sad. "'Cause, Yukito, you don't really expect to... to do all that by yourself, right?" Gently, she took in her hand the hand of his that had been twirling her hair. "You said this wouldn't be easy, us living here together, but we know it's worth it, right? So... so this, too, it won't be easy... but it'll be good, because... it means we worked on it together... and... you wouldn't be alone, and.... one day it'll be okay. Because, eventually, your-- your mind-- and body-- will-- you know, understand... that it's not... bad now, it's... it's just me, and it's... me trying to say I love you... Not now, but... eventually... you know?" She was trying so hard to make the thoughts in her head come out right but Erin was sure she was only babbling, and it wasn't what he needed at all.. "I do want to help you... and... if you let me, I think... I can... I..." Her last few words trembled as the threat of stronger tears increased. "I want to make it better for you... Okay?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"All it took was one hand..." He held up his own hand, staring at it, transfixed. "He has such big hands... and all it took was one. Sometimes I can still sort of feel it. Heavy and warm and wrong. I'm sorry you can't hold me, Erin. I'm sorry, and I want you to know it isn't your fault." Yukito looked over at her again in time to see a large tear splatter onto the bed sheet. He smiled at her sadly, brushing his fingers against her cheek. She would never really have any idea how special she was to him. There was still some hope that this conversation could give her some idea. They knew this was a big deal. She knew it was a big part of him. He knew she was trying her best to accept it. "I wish I'd been over this by the time I'd met you, as weird as that sounds..." He sighed. "There's only one bed, Erin. And I know you well enough to know you can't always keep a distance. I wouldn't want you to. It's like my body and mind are fighting each other constantly, and I hate it. That's why I didn't get another bed. I don't want the distance, Erin, and I need you to be patient for me, just until I can get through this..."

"Don't--" she started, but her voice sounded dry and gritty, as though she'd gone far too long without a drink. He stared at her, expecting any number of reactions. "Don't you mean, 'we'? We'll get through it?" A smile broke across his face. He wanted to kiss her, but he didn't because he wanted to hear her words even more. "'Cause, Yukito, you don't really expect to... to do all that by yourself, right?"

Gently, she took in her hand the hand of his that had been twirling her hair. He sighed, but more happily now than before. "For a long time... I thought I had to. Now? No.." Another smile.

"You said this wouldn't be easy, us living here together, but we know it's worth it, right? So... so this, too, it won't be easy... but it'll be good, because... it means we worked on it together... and... you wouldn't be alone, and.... one day it'll be okay. Because, eventually, your-- your mind-- and body-- will-- you know, understand... that it's not... bad now, it's... it's just me, and it's... me trying to say I love you... Not now, but... eventually... you know?" He had been nodding more and more as she continued, feeling his own tears starting to threaten at the corners of his eyes. It was kind of an overwhelming sort of relief to know she was actually getting it, that she understood and that it wasn't a bad thing for them. Just a hard thing. It'll be good. Because it means we worked on it together.

"I do want to help you... and... if you let me, I think... I can... I..." Her last few words trembled, "I want to make it better for you... Okay?"

He smiled at her again through his own quiet tears, his hand cupping her cheek gently, "Thank you..." Yukito moved to take hold of her hand, pulling her closer and meeting her lips as if they were sacred. "I love you." With her hand in his, he wrapped her arm across him, moving to mirror the hold on her.

"Hey," he murmured with a smirk, "Maybe I could go to sleep just like this... Then I can wake up and your face is... like... right there... Your cute, expressive, heavily-makeup-ed face." Just a little lean forward and their noses touched. Without thinking, he whispered the additional, "Just like kitties..." under his breath.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"I do want to help you... and... if you let me, I think... I can... I... I want to make it better for you... Okay?" She was trying her hardest not to cry-- just what she wanted Yukito to see on their firs real day together: her with runny, wet makeup... ew.

He smiled at her, his hand cupping her cheek gently. "Thank you..."

Erin nodded faintly, only smiling by response. What could she say? Her voice was half-gone already, anything else would just botch it more... Yukito pulled her closer, still somehow to her surprise, and gave her a gentle kiss. She smiled again. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Erin responded, her tone light and small and almost whispered.

With her hand in his, he wrapped her arm across him, moving to mirror the hold on her. The smile returned, though it didn't express how she felt then... It meant he was letting her be a part of it. That he wanted her there in spite of everything, in spite of himself in ways. That he trusted her, and he did love her.

"Hey," he murmured with a smirk, "Maybe I could go to sleep just like this... Then I can wake up and your face is... like... right there... Your cute, expressive, heavily-makeup-ed face."

Erin smiled at the compliments to her, and the truth in his words that he would wake up to see her face. "Yukito, I can't sleep with makeup on... And it's too early to sleep anyway..." Her playful excuse trailed off as Yukito's face inched forward just a little more to touch the tip of her nose with his. Such a sweet, simple, pure gesture that she'd fallen in love with from the very beginning.

"Just like kitties..." Yukito whispered, hardly audible even though they were so close.

Erin's smile spread. "Awww.... That's probably the cutest thing I've ever heard you say, kareshi!" She laughed a little, then gently kissed him. And for a moment after that, Erin was still and silent, enjoying the presence of them together. In their new home. In their room. It still blew her mind to think of it in those terms.... Wow...

Suddenly, she remembered her makeup and her watery eyes, still moist with salty tears. Erin pulled herself away and went back into the bathroom, explaining meanwhile, "I bet it's all running on my face now, isn't it? There's no way you can see that." She turned on the sink water and pointed a finger at him, grinning. "Not allowed!" Then Erin turned and began work on cleaning her face again. As much as she loved Yukito's work on her, and she felt a little bad for washing it off now, at the same time she didn't like the idea of doing something to mess it up and make herself look stupid or something. Not in front of him. She still didn't like that.

After she was sure her face was clean, Erin returned to Yukito, and reassumed the position she'd left him in. "Hey... Yukito?" She paused, letting the events of the day mull over her thoughts again. "When I was talking to Cassie today... and trying to explain to her why I didn't wanna go back to school..." She sighed, shifting uncomfortably. "I told her, you know... that I don't learn right or whatever..." She rushed the words out, still too shy on the topic. "Well, I mean... d'you think she's gonna act with me different because of it now?" Erin paused again, irritated with herself for not voicing this right. "Because, I mean, before I told her, she was all 'don't quit school, it's bad', blah blah whatever, and after, she was like, 'well, do whatever you have to do....'" Another, longer pause... "And that's the thing I didn't want the most... "

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

Yukito pulled her closer and gave her a gentle kiss. She smiled again. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Erin responded, her tone light and small and almost whispered. He wrapped her arm around him, mirroring the hold on her with his own arm, like a half-hug as they lay on their bed together. The smile on her face was almost shy and timid, which was a strange expression for the Erin he knew best.

"Hey," he murmured with a smirk, "Maybe I could go to sleep just like this... Then I can wake up and your face is... like... right there... Your cute, expressive, heavily-makeup-ed face."

"Yukito, I can't sleep with makeup on... And it's too early to sleep anyway..." Her playful excuse trailed off as Yukito's face inched forward just a little more to touch the tip of her nose with his. Without thinking, the words slipped out of his mouth that he'd thought a thousand times before, every time they touched noses like that. It reminded him of the way Chica would sometimes reach up and touch his nose with her own wet, cold one, a silent form of affection, a cat-kiss.

"Just like kitties..." Yukito whispered quietly, blushing as Erin's smile spread from ear to ear, and he realized he'd said that aloud.

"Awww.... That's probably the cutest thing I've ever heard you say, kareshi!" His own smiled faded at the word 'cute', but he couldn't repress the telltale crimson on his cheeks as she reached up to kiss him. They lay back down on the bed for a moment, and he was allowed a little bit of time to let the blush fade. He wasn't going to tell her he'd thought of that every time they did that. It was kind of embarrassing. A lot. Erin jumped up from the bed, headed for the bathroom again, explaining over her shoulder, "I bet it's all running on my face now, isn't it? There's no way you can see that." Yukito arched an eyebrow, sitting up in the bed. She turned on the sink water and pointed a finger at him, grinning. "Not allowed!" Then Erin vanished into the bathroom, leaving him alone again. He didn't understand why she thought smudged makeup was such a bad thing. To be honest with himself would admit he didn't prefer one way or the other, knowing it was still her face behind the paint or the tears, it was all the same.

"Hey... Yukito?" Erin's voice came from the bathroom. "Yeah?" he called out to let her know he heard, moving his forgotten notebook back underneath the bed and cleaning up the last of the cosmetic kit as he listened. "When I was talking to Cassie today... and trying to explain to her why I didn't wanna go back to school... I told her, you know... that I don't learn right or whatever..." She added the last part hurriedly, as though embarrassed. "Well, I mean... d'you think she's gonna act with me different because of it now?"

"Cassie?" he questioned, sounding doubtful, "No, I don't think so."

"Because, I mean, before I told her, she was all 'don't quit school, it's bad', blah blah whatever, and after, she was like, 'well, do whatever you have to do....'" Another, longer pause... "And that's the thing I didn't want the most... "

Yukito mulled over that idea for a moment before speaking, inspecting it mentally from several different angles before deciding on a response. "I think it will always change how people see you, like it or not." he said simply, "Just like color, gender and race still make a difference to people. Whether it's good, bad, or just different, it's still that... different." He shrugged, "I don't believe she thinks any less of you for it, though. Maybe she just gets why you wouldn't want to go back?" Yukito paused, then added a little more of his own thoughts. "To be honest, I usually forget most of the time that you have trouble with that. It doesn't effect much to me. How is it, specifically? Like, flipped words or comprehension or what?" Yukito said it casually, mentally adding on that she wouldn't have to answer if she didn't want to.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Hey... Yukito?" Erin called from her spot by the sink.

"Yeah?"

She leaned against the doorframe so that her face's profile faced Yukito instead of her whole face. "When I was talking to Cassie today... and trying to explain to her why I didn't wanna go back to school... I told her, you know... that I don't learn right or whatever..." Erin rushed out the words, still uncomfortable with the whole matter. "Well, I mean... d'you think she's gonna act with me different because of it now?" She stared down at her toes, their metallic green paint chipped.

"Cassie?" Yukito echoed. "No, I don't think so."

Erin frowned down at her toes. "Because, I mean, before I told her, she was all 'don't quit school, it's bad', blah blah whatever, and after, she was like, 'well, do whatever you have to do....'" An uncomfortable pause, then, "And that's the thing I didn't want the most... "

When Yukito didn't respond after a minute, Erin looked up at him, afraid he was going to say she was right. "I think it will always change how people see you, like it or not."

"Mm..." she responded, shoulders slumping in a sigh. I knew it.

"Just like color, gender and race still make a difference to people. Whether it's good, bad, or just different, it's still that... different."

"The whole point of me not announcing it to everyone is 'cause I don't want to be different," Erin muttered in retort. Not that way.

"I don't believe she thinks any less of you for it, though. Maybe she just gets why you wouldn't want to go back?"

"Maybe," Erin muttered doubtfully before moving back over to Yukito, sitting beside him with her legs crossed under her."But you don't treat me different."

"To be honest, I usually forget most of the time that you have trouble with that. It doesn't effect much to me. How is it, specifically? Like, flipped words or comprehension or what?"

The question didn't surprise her. She'd never really explained it, because she didn't really like to... it wasn't exactly comfortable for her. In a lot of ways, Erin knew she was confident. But when it came to this, she felt weak and pathetic and exposed. She didn't like the light she felt it cast her in. She didn't like being just that different. And she especially didn't like the repercussions of being so different. But still, Yukito had shared with her much, much bigger things. Things that were actually important, and mattered, and were serious. Hers... she was just too self-conscious, she was sure. And her words were safe with him, she knew it. Erin gave Yukito a smile. Granted, it was shy and unsure, but it was sincere, too.

"Flipped words, like dyslexia?" She shook her head. "Nah... I'm actually supposed to be a better speller than everyone else... I think that quality skipped me, though," Erin tacked on with a little laugh. She slipped her arm around his and rested her head against him, for comfort. "It's like... you remember how that time you were at work and were joking with me and I thought you were serious?" She looked up at him for confirmation, regretting the thing had happened at all. "It's like that, mostly... I don't always catch things like sarcasm and subtle jokes and things..." Erin's eyes fell downward again. And I feel so stupid for not catching them! "The one that laughs last thinks slowest, you know?" she tacked on as a dark joke, her face falling. "I've gotten better about it, but still not like everyone else, taking facial cues and all that crap... tone of voice, blah, blah, blah.... They didn't wanna keep me in daycare when both my parents were working, because they thought I was 'emotionally disturbed', did you know that?" She gave a short ironic laugh. "'Cause I couldn't tell the difference between their 'just playing' voices and faces and their 'discipline' voices and faces, so I acted out a lot, apparently, or whatever. So my mom quit working to keep me instead." Yeah, I still feel bad about that... you don't have to ask.

"And it is comprehension stuff too... especially with reading. I hate it, because it's not that I can't read, it's that I just... don't get any meaning from staring at it... I dunno, that part's kind of hard to explain, I guess... but it's harder for me to understand something written down if I can't hear it, too. Math makes it worse, because you have symbols and numbers and letters and now words and I have to juggle all of them if I wanna make any sense out of it... It's like none of that stuff carries any meaning when I'm looking at it, even if I know that I know somewhere in my head..." Erin sighed a long sigh, wanting very much to snuggle closer to Yukito-- more comfort that way-- but with their recent conversation still at the forefront of her mind, she refrained.

"It's weird, though, 'cause... I guess with just how my brain's wired, I remember tons of what I hear. Like the totally useless questions on Jeopardy? In case you ever need to know, the Borzoi is a dog breed that's also called the Russian wolfhound," Erin told him by way of demonstration. "Because my ears apparently work better than anything else or whatever, I picked up on talking pretty early and had a bigger vocabulary than the other kids when I started school, so they were so sure I was all genius and gifted even if I did act out still.. but then the more and more we had to read stuff and work on things by ourselves... well, learned I didn't belong in gifted." She raised and lowered one shoulder in a shrug. "Whatever. I don't even know if any of that made sense..." Erin laughed again, out of nervousness now. "You didn't ask for a history, just a definition... sorry."

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"When I was talking to Cassie today... and trying to explain to her why I didn't wanna go back to school... I told her, you know... that I don't learn right or whatever... Well, I mean... d'you think she's gonna act with me different because of it now?" She was leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, her freshly-scrubbed face profiled against the bathroom light.

"Cassie?" Yukito echoed, considering. "No, I don't think so."

"Because, I mean, before I told her, she was all 'don't quit school, it's bad', blah blah whatever, and after, she was like, 'well, do whatever you have to do....' And that's the thing I didn't want the most... "

He took his time answering her, choosing his words with care. He felt her eyes on him, but she didn't repeat the question or prod him for a faster answer. At last, he stated, "I think it will always change how people see you, like it or not."

"Mm..." she responded, shoulders slumping in a sigh. He continued.

"Just like color, gender and race still make a difference to people. Whether it's good, bad, or just different, it's still that... different."

"The whole point of me not announcing it to everyone is 'cause I don't want to be different," she confessed. Yukito smirked.

"You're very good at being different, Erin. It draws people to you and makes them feel comfortable." he shrugged, "And I don't believe she thinks any less of you for it, though. Maybe she just gets why you wouldn't want to go back?"

"Maybe," Erin muttered doubtfully before moving back over to Yukito, sitting beside him with her legs crossed under her. "But you don't treat me different."

"To be honest, I usually forget most of the time that you have trouble with that," he admitted, a little ashamed of himself for letting it slip his mind. To her, it was a big deal. "It doesn't affect much to me. How is it, specifically? Like, flipped words or comprehension or what?"

She smiled at him in a demure sort of way he wasn't used to seeing there. The curves of her face made her look older than she normally did, as though she were carrying a great weight in her mind. "Flipped words, like dyslexia?" She shook her head. "Nah... I'm actually supposed to be a better speller than everyone else... I think that quality skipped me, though," Erin tacked on with a little laugh. She slipped her arm around his and rested her head against him, for comfort. He automatically dropped his head to hers, as well, the scent of her still-damp, freshly-shampooed hair almost overwhelming. "It's like... you remember how that time you were at work and were joking with me and I thought you were serious?" She looked up at him, and he gave a slow nod in answer, beckoning her on, "It's like that, mostly... I don't always catch things like sarcasm and subtle jokes and things..." Erin's eyes fell downward again, falling away from him steadily, "The one that laughs last thinks slowest, you know? I've gotten better about it, but still not like everyone else, taking facial cues and all that crap... tone of voice, blah, blah, blah.... They didn't wanna keep me in daycare when both my parents were working, because they thought I was 'emotionally disturbed', did you know that?"

One eyebrow rising slightly, Yukito added a quiet and ambivalent, "No..."

She gave a short ironic laugh. "'Cause I couldn't tell the difference between their 'just playing' voices and faces and their 'discipline' voices and faces, so I acted out a lot, apparently, or whatever. So my mom quit working to keep me instead. And it is comprehension stuff too... especially with reading. I hate it, because it's not that I can't read, it's that I just... don't get any meaning from staring at it... I dunno, that part's kind of hard to explain, I guess... but it's harder for me to understand something written down if I can't hear it, too. Math makes it worse, because you have symbols and numbers and letters and now words and I have to juggle all of them if I wanna make any sense out of it... It's like none of that stuff carries any meaning when I'm looking at it, even if I know that I know somewhere in my head..." She sighed wearily. Yukito was pensive, moving to lean towards her, wrapping one arm around her absentmindedly. "It's weird, though, 'cause... I guess with just how my brain's wired, I remember tons of what I hear. Like the totally useless questions on Jeopardy? In case you ever need to know, the Borzoi is a dog breed that's also called the Russian wolfhound," Erin told him by way of demonstration. The corners of his lips curved upwards, impressed. "Because my ears apparently work better than anything else or whatever, I picked up on talking pretty early and had a bigger vocabulary than the other kids when I started school, so they were so sure I was all genius and gifted even if I did act out still.. but then the more and more we had to read stuff and work on things by ourselves... well, learned I didn't belong in gifted." She raised and lowered one shoulder in a shrug.

"So, does school get easier if there's more vocal teaching? Is it easier if people read it out loud to you?" He wanted to know ways he could make it easier for her. He wanted to help. But in the back of his mind he knew she didn't want someone to act as a special aid for her. But if it helps make her feel a little more normal... there's gotta be something I can do.

"Whatever. I don't even know if any of that made sense..." Erin laughed again, and it sounded almost hollow. "You didn't ask for a history, just a definition... sorry."

Yukito paused, then quietly told her, "I'm glad you could tell me." There were several more moments of silence, and then he shrugged, "I still can't see you differently. It's like it's just another part of you I didn't know, like how Cassie was born a preemie or something like that. It seems like such a big deal if it's yourself, but..." Another shrug, and he pulled her a little closer into a sideways sort of hug. "It doesn't mean you can't learn or anything...it's probably just harder.."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

At the silence that greeted her as her voice trailed off, Erin became conscious again of how much she could talk, even about something she hated talking about. She wondered if she was blushing now.

Soon Yukito's voice filled the silence. "So, does school get easier if there's more vocal teaching? Is it easier if people read it out loud to you?"

Erin shrugged. "Yeah, it does, but..." But the point was that she didn't want to have to be different. She didn't want to have to have accommodations or to be singled out. "I can read aloud to myself, too, and it works all right or whatever, but you can't really do that in class. I've tried it." She gave a wry laugh. "Whatever. I don't even know if any of that made sense..." Another half-laugh inserted itself in her words. "You didn't ask for a history, just a definition... sorry."

"I'm glad you could tell me." They were both quiet for a little bit. It was a lot to share with one another in one day. She wished he would just hug her tight to him until she fell asleep there, but that wouldn't be anything good for him. It wouldn't make him feel better like it would her. Oh, well... Instead, Erin watched his face closely, waiting for his next words as patiently as she could. "I still can't see you differently. It's like it's just another part of you I didn't know, like how Cassie was born a preemie or something like that. It seems like such a big deal if it's yourself, but..."

Erin's face wrinkled for a moment in frustration. But it is a big deal... Even when I don't want it to be, because it makes me misunderstand you and get mad at you even when you're just trying to make a joke and get me to smile... I don't like that, Yukito. I bet you were never teased for being too slow in class... You're good at everything.

Yukito gave another shrug, and he pulled her a little closer into a sideways hug. The motion eased her anxiety a bit that her rambling had brought up in her. "It doesn't mean you can't learn or anything...it's probably just harder.."

"Mm... mmhmmm," Erin nodded, her head against him, so the motion mussed her hair. "Yukito, I don't wanna talk about it any more. I just wanted to know what you thought. Okay?" Her tone brightened at the prospect of changing subject. "How do y'all celebrate Christmas in Japan?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

Soon Yukito's voice filled the silence. "So, does school get easier if there's more vocal teaching? Is it easier if people read it out loud to you?"

Erin shrugged. "Yeah, it does, but... I can read aloud to myself, too, and it works all right or whatever, but you can't really do that in class. I've tried it." She gave a wry laugh. "Whatever. I don't even know if any of that made sense..." Another half-laugh inserted itself in her words. He couldn't believe in that laugh. "You didn't ask for a history, just a definition... sorry."

No, don't be sorry about it. About any of it. "I'm glad you could tell me." There was a long period of no speaking from either of them. Yukito mulled over the past events with Erin, and a lot of it from that day. "I still can't see you differently. It's like it's just another part of you I didn't know, like how Cassie was born a preemie or something like that. It seems like such a big deal if it's yourself, but..." Her face altered in distaste, obviously disagreeing with him. He just shrugged and pulled her into a sort of side-by-side embrace. "It doesn't mean you can't learn or anything...it's probably just harder.."

"Mm... mmhmmm," Erin nodded, her head against him. For some odd reason the action made him smile, albeit a little sadly. "Yukito, I don't wanna talk about it any more. I just wanted to know what you thought. Okay?" She sounded eager to be away from the subject entirely. He mumbled in approval. "How do y'all celebrate Christmas in Japan?"

Yukito's smile tilted strongly to one side, “A lot like you do. Music, decorations, presents...lots of crazy commericals and too many fat men with strange getups.” One shoulder raised a little, “There are some differences, though....it's like...” He tried to find the right words, “Your Christmas has a different feel to it, in a weird way. Everyone is wishing each other goodwill for the sake of goodwill, and there's a lot more church stuff involved. It's like every church in the United States takes Christmas-time to get it into high gear...” Another shrug. “And you don't have Christmas cakes...I actually like those... And of course there's all the weird romance stuff going on. It's like there's something to Christmas that makes everyone want to pair up with somebody... anybody, just so they can say they didn't spend it alone...” His voice trailed off, and he leaned his head over to lay his cheek atop Erin's head, thinking. “When I was little I used to go crazy over Christmas... You couldn't get me to sit still from sometime in November until after New Years... Sometimes I wonder how I slept...” He chuckled. “But mom has pictures of me sleeping, so I guess there's physical evidence of that, and all the stupid outfits I got from relatives for the holiday...” He rolled his eyes at that.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"It doesn't mean you can't learn or anything...it's probably just harder.."

"Mm... mmhmmm," Erin nodded, her head against him. "Yukito, I don't wanna talk about it any more. I just wanted to know what you thought. Okay?" Immediately her tension eased when Yukito assented. Erin jumped at the chance for a happier subject than there more recent discussions. "How do y'all celebrate Christmas in Japan?"

She looked up to see him giving a cockeyed smile. Aw.. so fine, all mine... hehe... I love you. “A lot like you do," he answered her. "Music, decorations, presents...lots of crazy commericals and too many fat men with strange getups.” The description made Erin burst into giggles. “There are some differences, though....it's like...” He paused, then started again. “Your Christmas has a different feel to it, in a weird way. Everyone is wishing each other goodwill for the sake of goodwill, and there's a lot more church stuff involved. It's like every church in the United States takes Christmas-time to get it into high gear...” Another shrug. “And you don't have Christmas cakes...I actually like those... And of course there's all the weird romance stuff going on. It's like there's something to Christmas that makes everyone want to pair up with somebody... anybody, just so they can say they didn't spend it alone...”

Erin giggled again at that. "All I want for Christmas... is yo-ouu...!" she sang.

He leaned his head over to lay his cheek atop Erin's head, perpetuating her smile. “When I was little I used to go crazy over Christmas... You couldn't get me to sit still from sometime in November until after New Years... Sometimes I wonder how I slept...” He chuckled, and Erin joined in. "Oh, no, Yukito was a kid that couldn't sleep on Christmas!!"

“But mom has pictures of me sleeping, so I guess there's physical evidence of that, and all the stupid outfits I got from relatives for the holiday...” He rolled his eyes, and Erin began laughing again with the mental image of a little Yukito in a tacky Christmas sweater.

"Oh, I so wanna see pictures of your tacky Christmas sweaters!" She had pictures of that, too, but she wasn't going to volunteer them.

Erin shifted her position to lay down in the blankets, cuddling them around her. "It's cold," she explained to Yukito. "So Christmas cake... is that like birthday cake? 'Cause I know people who make cakes for Christmas and say it's a birthday cake for Jesus... I bet i can make one," she added with a smile. "How about Christmas songs?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"How do y'all celebrate Christmas in Japan?"

A smirk found its way onto his lips. “A lot like you do," he answered her. "Music, decorations, presents...lots of crazy commercials and too many fat men with strange getups.” The description made Erin burst into giggles. “There are some differences, though....it's like...” He paused, “Your Christmas has a different feel to it, in a weird way. Everyone is wishing each other goodwill for the sake of goodwill, and there's a lot more church stuff involved. It's like every church in the United States takes Christmas-time to get it into high gear...” Another shrug. “And you don't have Christmas cakes...I actually like those... And of course there's all the weird romance stuff going on. It's like there's something to Christmas that makes everyone want to pair up with somebody... anybody, just so they can say they didn't spend it alone...”

Erin giggled again at that. "All I want for Christmas... is yo-ouu...!" she sang.

Yukito let out a chuckle, "Something like that. He leaned his head over to lay his cheek atop Erin's head, his face in her hair. “When I was little I used to go crazy over Christmas... You couldn't get me to sit still from sometime in November until after New Years... Sometimes I wonder how I slept...” He chuckled, and Erin joined in.

"Oh, no, Yukito was a kid that couldn't sleep on Christmas!!"

He grinned a little sheepishly. “Yeah, but mom has pictures of me sleeping, so I guess there's physical evidence of that, and all the stupid outfits I got from relatives for the holiday...” He rolled his eyes, and Erin began laughing again.

"Oh, I so wanna see pictures of your tacky Christmas sweaters!" she declared. Yukito rolled his eyes again, letting out a sigh.

"Tell me, what is it about 'little me' that everyone seems to love so much?"

Erin shifted her position to lay down in the blankets, cuddling them around her. "It's cold," she explained to Yukito. As if he couldn't feel it.

"Yeah, you better warm up the blankets. I won't be able to help any." He moved off the bed reluctantly, feeling the chill even more, "I gotta get ready for bed."

"So Christmas cake... is that like birthday cake? 'Cause I know people who make cakes for Christmas and say it's a birthday cake for Jesus... I bet I can make one," she added with a smile.

Yukito tilted his head to the side, "I guess it's like a birthday cake. But it's not to celebrate Jesus." He moved into the bathroom, taking his own turn at scrubbing off the makeup from earlier and brushing his teeth. He brushed quicker than normal. Odd. "How about Christmas songs?"

"Yeah, we have those, too," he said, "Though they're more common in gatherings and church and stuff." He came out of the bathroom and flopped onto the bed beside her, "I'd like to hear you sing some of your Christmas songs, though... I bet you could change them up a bit and make them sound better." He smiled, then rolled over onto the pillow. "I'm tired," Yukito stated simply.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

“When I was little I used to go crazy over Christmas... You couldn't get me to sit still from sometime in November until after New Years... Sometimes I wonder how I slept...” He chuckled, and Erin joined in.

"Oh, no, Yukito was a kid that couldn't sleep on Christmas!!"

He grinned “Yeah, but mom has pictures of me sleeping, so I guess there's physical evidence of that, and all the stupid outfits I got from relatives for the holiday...” He rolled his eyes, and Erin began laughing again.

"Oh, I so wanna see pictures of your tacky Christmas sweaters!"

"Tell me, what is it about 'little me' that everyone seems to love so much?"

"Oh, whatever," Erin retorted, giving him a little playful push. "Like you couldn't say you didn't love my preschool pictures." She grinned right back at him, then shifted to lay down in the blankets. Until then, she hadn't realized how cold she was. "It's cold," she voiced.

"Yeah, you better warm up the blankets. I won't be able to help any." Erin snickered, rolling her eyes a little at his negativity. "You'll be fine..."

Yukito moved off his spot near her. "I gotta get ready for bed."

Erin snuggled into the blankets, making herself comfortable and unable to lessen her smile at the thought of sleeping right there beside him. If she could sleep, that was. "So Christmas cake... is that like birthday cake? 'Cause I know people who make cakes for Christmas and say it's a birthday cake for Jesus... I bet I can make one," she added with a smile.

"I guess it's like a birthday cake. But it's not to celebrate Jesus." Erin giggled a little. "Ookay..." It didn't seem to make much sense to have Christmas cake and not celebrate the whole birth-of-Christ thing, since it was in the name of the holiday for crying out loud, but whatever. Yukito moved into the bathroom, and Erin asked, "How about Christmas songs?"

"Yeah, we have those, too," he said, "Though they're more common in gatherings and church and stuff." He came out of the bathroom and flopped onto the bed beside her. She still couldn't help but smile. You're gonna sleep next to me... and I'm not in the middle of a melt-down or too out of it to remember. Ha ha! "I'd like to hear you sing some of your Christmas songs, though... I bet you could change them up a bit and make them sound better."

She laughed again. "Okay!"

He smiled, then rolled over onto the pillow. "I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep," Erin told him, still in more giggles. "I'm not tired, though," she stated, shifting to lie on her stomach. "I like this... not on the kitchen floor, not freaking on you, and not drunk..." More giggles, and she had to stop herself from snuggling up next to him again-- the day's discussions bounced around in her mind. Instead, she turned her head on the pillow so that she was facing him, still smiling. At this rate, she'd never quit smiling, and she probably wasn't going to sleep any time soon. Into the silence Erin began humming a Christmas song softly, the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen", humming through the first verse then peering at Yukito again. "You still awake, kareshi?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"Oh, I so wanna see pictures of your tacky Christmas sweaters!" Yukito expressed his distaste at that by sending his eyes heavenward.

"Tell me, what is it about 'little me' that everyone seems to love so much?"

"Oh, whatever," Erin retorted, giving him a little playful push as she cuddled in. "Like you couldn't say you didn't love my preschool pictures." Yukito smirked at that, returning the gesture to her as she laid down on the bed.

"Yes, I have to admit I loved your preschool pictures. But you," he leaned in to tickle her for a moment as she cuddled beneath the blankets, "Happen to be a very pretty kid, and you must have been entertaining."

He looked down into her beaming face as she commented, "It's cold,"

"Yeah, you better warm up the blankets. I won't be able to help any." Erin snickered, rolling her eyes. "You'll be fine..."

Yukito moved off his spot near her. "I gotta get ready for bed." As he rose, Erin snuggled deeper into the seemingly endless folds of the bed, as though wriggling around created the heat faster.

"So Christmas cake... is that like birthday cake? 'Cause I know people who make cakes for Christmas and say it's a birthday cake for Jesus... I bet I can make one," she added with a smile.

"I guess it's like a birthday cake. But it's not to celebrate Jesus." Erin giggled a little. "Ookay..." Yukito moved into the bathroom, and Erin asked, "How about Christmas songs?"

"Yeah, we have those, too," he told her, "Though they're more common in gatherings and church and stuff." He came out of the bathroom and flopped onto the bed beside her. "I'd like to hear you sing some of your Christmas songs, though... I bet you could change them up a bit and make them sound better."

She laughed again. He could practically feel the laughter as it lightly rumbled the bed. Still in his jeans, he started to pull apart the blankets to nuzzle in next to her. "Okay!"

He smiled, then rolled over onto the pillow. "I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep," Erin told him, still in more giggles. He smirked and covered up with the blankets, shivering a little but afraid to snuggle closer. He could already feel her body heat emanating through the covers, anyways, and closed his eyes. "I'm not tired, though," she stated, shifting to lie on her stomach. "I like this... not on the kitchen floor, not freaking on you, and not drunk..."

"S'good...we're doin' better..." he mumbled sleepily, his eyes still closed. Erin relinquished a few more giggles. Moments later he heard her voice humming softly, and he smiled a little wider. He hadn't realized just how tired he was. Now the fatigue washed over him like a heavy wave. He barely heard her speaking to him, asking him something. Both eyebrows raising but his eyelids refusing to comply, he grumbled out a drowsy, "Hmm?" She said something else to him, but he couldn't understand it through the fog of sleepiness. He was out like a light before he knew it, thankful to sense her near him. Somehow, he slept deeper knowing she was there.

Yukito is asleep

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"I'm tired," Yukito said, turning to look at her on the pillow. Their pillow. She beamed. Despite the fact that he basically went to lay down next to her fully clothed. Were it not for her overjoyed state at officially taking up residence with her favorite person, Erin would have been hurt by the distancing gesture. Instead, she giggled again.

"Then go to sleep." He closed his eyes, pulling the covers around himself. Aw... so cute... "I'm not tired, though," she stated, shifting to lie on her stomach. "I like this... not on the kitchen floor, not freaking on you, and not drunk..."

Clearly Yukito was only half-listening... "S'good...we're doin' better..." he hadn't been kidding about being tired. His sleepy response made Erin laugh a little again. Out of the need to break the silence, Erin began humming a Christmas song to herself (okay, and a litle to Yukito). She looked over at him, and he looked like he'd already hit the hay, and hard. Awww... I love you! Quietly, she asked if he was still awake, and Yukito responded with a little sleepy expression, his eyebrows lifting as if in effort to show attention but his mind refusing to break the trip into sleep. "Hmm?" Awww!! I freaking love you so much! That's adorable...

Erin shook a little with silent giggles, leaned over to briefly kiss his cheek, then lay back down. "Go to sleep, kareshi," she whispered. "I love you." As she didn't feel tired yet, and didn't want to move away from him, Erin remained near him, watching his face as he slept or staring around the room, thinking about how it was all theirs. And what all that meant for them. It still didn't feel real. It felt like a dream, and she would be perfectly happy if it went on feeling that way.

At some point in the night, Erin did really dream, her eyes closing heavily, her head close to Yukito's.

Aw, she's sleeeepinggg! The end!