72 Garden Lane--The Wright Residence

[The Phantom of Paris]

Shelby Wright

"”How very Elric of you,” Shelby told Ciel-girl with unmasked approval. Crashing parties was pretty bada** anyway, but crashing a costume party complete with authentic costumes took hardcore to a new level. Shelby had to admit she was impressed. And a fellow anime fan, too...maybe I can handle talking with this girl for a minute or two. I guess it can't hurt. Afterwards I go back. Back to what I know won't ever hurt me. Back to how I know I'm safe.

But Shelby's little bubble of pseudo-happiness burst as quickly as it had appeared, with the impossible-to-ignore fight in the entryway, in full view of the assembled party of onlookers, escalated into violence. Shelby's instincts took over, telling her to run, to hide. If she didn't see what was going on, she wouldn't have to deal with it. She turned and ran, hearing the crack of her mother's hand hitting Cassie's face as she neared her door.

She slammed it shut, finding satisfaction in the finality of the sound, the proof that she was as shut off from the world as possible. Quickly searching for any kind of distraction, she opened the laptop lying on her bed and quickly took it to OneManga.com, hoping to drown her troubles in the latest FMA chapter.

For a while it worked. For just a few moments as page after page clicked by, Shelby could almost let herself believe that everything might be okay for her. But then things took a turn for the worse.

"No!" she yelled, tears threatening her eyes but not spilling over. Of course not. They never do. Not since that night. "No! Riza! No! What the hell, Arakawa-senpai? No!" She pushed the laptop roughly away from her, not daring to look at the screen and receive confirmation over what had just happened. She slammed the screen closed and yanked the pocket watch on her costume away from her, throwing it across the room with all of her strength. It banged against the window but didn't break, falling onto the plush pillows of the window seat below it. "No!"

“Little Elric?” came a small voice, accompanied by knocking. It was that girl again. She followed me up here? She didn't want to witness the spectacle of seeing whatever pitiful excuse for a family we have left fall apart? Shocking.

“You okay? I'm not gonna pretend I have any idea what's going on, but... hidings no good, you know?”

"Yes it is," Shelby heard herself say dully after a moment. Slowly, she stood up and unlocked the door, getting deja vu from the day Yukito had confronted her in her room. She flopped backwards onto her bed, curling up on her side in a fetal position away from the door. "But you can come in if you want, I guess."

It's not as if it really even matters anyway.

---

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"You can't tell me what to do. Not anymore. You lost that privilege a long time ago. Just...just take me away, anywhere but here..." Was that her voice? Why did it sound so different? It wasn't just the sobs and tears that distorted it, making it shaky and hard to understand. It was something else. I'm not the same Cassie anymore, and I won't be ever again, will I? I've had unthinkable things happen to me--my mom cheated, her boyfriend tried to rape me, I was hit by a parent. There's no real coming back from this.

"Okay," Erin said, looking so scared and confused, so unlike the Erin Cassie was used to. I'm sorry...

"Cassie..." her mother whispered, imploring.

Cassie felt Erin reach for her hand, the warmth of her friend's fingers making her realize that Cassie's own hands were ice-cold. Her mind froze again. "No!" She yanked her hand away.

"Cassie!"

"Come on. We'll go home..."

"This is her..." Kristen started to say before she caught Cassie's eye. She trailed off, looking more defeated than Cassie had ever seen her. "Fine. Go. But...just come home, okay?"

Cassie didn't answer her, and together they filed out the door and into Yukito's car. She was still sobbing, the poufy Alice skirts of her costume making it difficult to sit in the car and giving even more cause for Cassie to think this whole surreal event was just a dream.

"Where to this time?"

"It doesn't matter," she managed to say. "Let's just go." She didn't turn around as she said, "And Erin? I'm sorry."

Cassie has left the disaster of a party at the Wrights...

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"It doesn't matter," Cassie answered weakly when Yukito asked where they were going. "Let's just go."

Erin shook her head, probably unseen where she hid curled up in the back seat, the farthest corner from the driver's side. "Home," she retorted. I want to go home. I just want to go home and try to feel safe again.

"And Erin?"

No answer from the backseat.

"I'm sorry."

She wasn't sure if Cassie was apologizing for what happened at her house just now, for not telling her how she'd been hurt, or for yelling at her when Erin made the mistake of trying to touch her. Maybe it was all, or something else entirely. Erin couldn't tell. She never could, so why should it be any different now? Of course not, not when she needed her brain to work. She nodded to show she'd heard. Even though it hurt to know she had remained in the dark after everyone else had been let in. Even though it hurt that Yukito had known, and said nothing. Even though it hurt that Cassie couldn't tell her. Even though it hurt to feel so helpless. Even though it hurt to see the person she loved and trusted so much completely blinded in anger. "I... I know, Cassie." Her voice sounded stuffed with cotton. Her throat felt like someone had shoved their fist in it. "Let's just go home..." I want to go home...

From her head resting between her knees, Erin felt the tears spill onto her cheeks. "Yukito... you scared me..." She wouldn't look up, only cried at how pathetic she sounded, and how painfully true her pathetic words were.

Erin's done here, too.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"Where to this time?"

"It doesn't matter," Cassie answered weakly. All of them did. "Let's just go."

"Home," came Erin's distant voice. He glanced over his shoulder and saw her curled up in the backseat. Something churned violently inside him to see Erin sitting like that. To see Cassie's face so distanced and numb. This isn't right. You guys shouldn't be like this. This isn't you.

"And Erin?" Cassie added, "I'm sorry."

"I... I know, Cassie." Erin took forever to respond. "Let's just go home..." Yukito pulled away from the house, his mind ignoring the pain in his knuckles - it didn't matter now anyways - and started down the road to the apartment building. They didn't speak for a long time. In the silence, Yukito's mind lingered on the repeated flashes from the evening. A burning anger continued to grow inside his chest, and his face went cold.

"Yukito..." His eyes flickered to the rearview mirror, but he couldn't see her in it. He didn't like that. She sounded like she was crying. "You scared me..."

The hands on the wheel tightened to control the trembling, and his brow furrowed. He didn't speak because he wasn't sure what to say. There was really nothing he could promise her now. The clock counted the seconds, and they passed two more streets before he responded.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. Any of it. Any of this.

Yukito c'est la fin.

[GGJ5]

OOC: This takes place two days after the whole explosive homework incident, yes? Yes. Methinks so... =) BIC:

Erin Spenser

She was coiled tightly in the corner of the couch, her chin resting on her knees. She felt awful now. Mostly because she kept replaying her words over and over in her head. She was horrible. So, so horrible. Yukito was probably so mad at her for how she pushed him away. Erin couldn't even figure why she did that. She loved him. So why did she treat him that way? What's wrong with me?!

She hadn't gone to school that day, either. It had taken enough effort to get up from where she slept and go to the sofa where she sat now. At the mention of school, Erin shut down. She knew she'd have to go back. She couldn't stay away forever. They knew where she was... she'd told them. She'd have to leave eventually. Soon, probably. But, God, she didn't want to. She didn't want to look at her phone, where despite whatever Yukito had said, they'd called at least six times.

And now she'd pushed Yukito so far off that when she wanted him to be there to hold her until she felt better.... he wouldn't come. He wouldn't want to come to her now. And she just knew Cassie was fed up with her. She doubted Cassie would even try to understand... And once again, Cassie already had too much to deal with. I should have gone somewhere else... Erin blinked slowly, feeling very dizzy from her stress and lack of food. I want Yukito. But now he doesn't want me, because I was a jerk. I was a jerk to everyone, but the problem is that I don't know any other way... I can't keep trying to make myself believe I can get through it. I can't...

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

Kristen had taken to having a glass of wine with dinner for about a year now. Then, after Cassie's birthday, this had increased to two, three, four per dinnertime, with the first glass being poured not two seconds after Kristen came home from work each day. This hadn't worried Cassie for a while--she had been too preoccupied with her own life for the most part--but today they had been called out of her Pre-calculus class for one of those school-wide assemblies on the dangers of alcoholism. Cassie hated those anyway--in all honesty, they didn't work, and she figured her parents were paying for her to go to school so she'd get an education, not a life lesson--but without Erin by her side to distract her, Cassie had been forced to actually pay attention. Her other friends were all sick with that weird flu thing that was going around, and her teacher had already confiscated her cell phone earlier in the class, which eliminated the possibility of texting. So she had listened. It was basically the same speech that she'd heard almost every other year of her academic career, but this time Cassie had found herself really listening.

And what she heard scared her.

With a sigh, she glumly unlocked the front door and stepped into the house. Shelby had stayed behind--something about making up a test she'd either missed or failed, Cassie couldn't remember. At least she's going to school again. That's something, right? "Hello?" she called as she stepped over the threshold. "Erin? Adele? Halina?"

She caught sight of Erin's head at the other end of the hall, all the way in the living room, and headed that way. "Hey," she said crisply. "I got your homework for you, if you want to..." Immediately she realized the stupidity in that statement, and set the manila folder on the very edge of the coffee table, close enough so that if Erin wanted it, she would have to get up. "You missed an assembly today..." She set her messenger bag down on the table next to Erin's missing work and perched herself on the arm of a nearby easy chair. "You think you're gonna go back tomorrow, or..."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

Cassie's greeting didn't pass over Erin; she just chose not to answer, and as soon as she made that decision, she felt even more guilty. Now she was being a jerk to Cassie, who hadn't even done anything... Why do I keep being so freaking stupid?!?

Now Cassie had made her way into the room where Erin sat curled in the corner of the sofa. Her comfort spot also doubled as her sulking spot, apparently. Erin glanced up as she entered the room.

"Hey."

For a second Erin didn't respond, and then, "...Hey."

"I got your homework for you, if you want to..." Erin's eyes narrowed at the comment, shooting her friend a glare. She knew good and well that was what she wanted to get away from. Erin had told her everything when she first got there, albeit in a rush. She had ranted about it long enough that day that today she'd gone the complete reverse and curled up recluse-like in herself.

Gingerly, Cassie set the folder in her hand on the corner of the coffee table. The moment passed.

"You missed an assembly today..."

"Okay."

Dropping her bag, Cassie moved to use the arm of a nearby chair as her seat. "You think you're gonna go back tomorrow, or..."

"No. I'm not going back," she retorted immediately. Did Cassie think when she said that, she meant for a while? "I'm done." Inside, everything Cassie couldn't see was arguing within Erin. Really, she wasn't entirely sure that she was done. That maybe she wanted Cassie to object... to give her a reason to continue with it. Yukito wouldn't. He wanted her to do whatever she thought would make her happy, and if Erin told him that was quitting school, he'd be right there with her the whole time. But she didn't know if that would even work... she just didn't know, and she hated it. So much.

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"Erin? Adele? Halina?" She was met with only silence, and Cassie sighed. This could mean any number of things--Adele was out grocery shopping again now that Thanksgiving was just around the corner, or Erin could be asleep, or Halina might just be upstairs listening to music while she worked. It didn't necessarily mean that they were avoiding her, did it?

She caught sight of Erin in the living room and made a beeline over to her, too upset to even fake a smile. Stupid assembly. Stupid school. Stupid boys trying to make everything better even when they make it so much worse. Stupid divorces. Stupid wine. Stupid stepmothers, stupid life... "Hey."

"...Hey."

"I got your homework for you, if you want to..." Clearly, this was the wrong thing to say, for Erin's eyes immediately narrowed into a suspicious glower. Cassie shut up, setting the folder on the table as she changed the subject. "You missed an assembly today..."

"Okay."

Would she ever get anything besides a few syllables out of Erin? She hadn't been home for more than five minutes and Cassie already felt like pulling her hair out in frustration. Erin, seriously. I'm trying here. Can't you see that? Why is it that I'm always the only one trying to make things right? One day I should just stop and then we'll see where it gets all of you.

She sat down on the arm of a chair, sitting just so that she would be comfortable but could make a quick getaway if the need arose. "You think you're gonna go back tomorrow, or..."

"No. I'm not going back. I'm done."

Feeling angry and defeated, Cassie slid down into the chair, collapsing upon herself so she was now sitting sideways with her legs dangling over one arm and her back pressed against the other. She crossed her arms over her chest as she looked over at Erin. "Well, at least I got you to say a full sentence. Erin, come on. It's not as bad as you think. You're a junior now. You've got another year and a half and then you're done. Can't you just hold on til then? I mean, seriously..."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

They had a mostly one-sided conversation, Erin responding only with the shortest, choppiest answers. Yeah, she knew it was childish and that she should be more mature than that, but she didn't want to be. She wanted to just sulk for a while in her own misunderstanding. Was that really so bad? Just another thing I don't know...

"You think you're gonna go back tomorrow, or..."

"No. I'm not going back. I'm done."

She glanced at Cassie, wanting a response, as her friend slid back into the armchair with her feet dangling over the side. "Well, at least I got you to say a full sentence. Erin, come on. It's not as bad as you think. You're a junior now. You've got another year and a half and then you're done. Can't you just hold on til then? I mean, seriously..."

Erin lifted her head, her feet slipping from the couch cushion to the floor as she stared at Cassie, blatantly appalled. "It's not as bad as I think? I live it, every time I walk through those doors, and it's not over when I go home. What do you mean, 'it's not as bad as I think'?" To Erin's own surprise, her questions to Cassie were muted, subdued. "A year and a half is a really long time, Cassie..." She glanced back down towards the floor, registering the blue paint on her toes. "I hate it so much already, and it's only gonna get worse, and I don't know what I can do, I don't know what I should do, I just want out of everything, I want to be done with it so I can do something I feel right doing now, but I don't know what to do, and Yukito, he isn't any help because he said he was fine with whatever I did, but I don't know what I'm gonna do, and I'm being such a jerk to him and to everyone else... I don't know what to do!" Sometime during her rant the urge to cry came up again and she screamed in her mind for the knot in her throat to yield. It wouldn't. She swallowed hard, trying to unblock the sensation of welled-up tears. Instead, she made herself cough. Exasperated with herself, Erin dropped her face into her hands, fingers parting the nearest strands of thick hair.

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"No. I'm not going back. I'm done." This answer was more or less what Cassie had expected, but it was still a blow to the stomach to hear how defeated her friend sounded. That's how I'm supposed to sound these days, but not Erin. Never Erin. She's strong enough to get through this, isn't she? It's almost like when she and Yukito broke up all over again...and if she gets that broken a second time, I won't be able to help fix her at all. Because I'm the exact same way. "Well, at least I got you to say a full sentence," she remarked as she slid into the chair, trying to insert a bit of humor into the situation when really she couldn't be more serious. "Erin, come on. It's not as bad as you think. You're a junior now. You've got another year and a half and then you're done. Can't you just hold on til then? I mean, seriously..."

Again, clearly this had not been the right thing to say at all. Erin turned to gaze at Cassie in unmasked disbelief as Cassie mentally beat herself over the head once again. Note to self: just stop talking.

"It's not as bad as I think? I live it, every time I walk through those doors, and it's not over when I go home. What do you mean, 'it's not as bad as I think'?" The worst part about it was her tone of voice--dull and defeated. Normally Erin would be shouting by now, with a temper that Cassie was always amused to see rivaled her own even with the stereotypes about angry redheads. This Erin sounded like she'd given up a long time ago, and Cassie couldn't have that. "A year and a half is a really long time, Cassie..."

"Yeah, I know," Cassie responded quietly. "But it's not as long as you think--"

"I hate it so much already, and it's only gonna get worse, and I don't know what I can do, I don't know what I should do, I just want out of everything, I want to be done with it so I can do something I feel right doing now, but I don't know what to do, and Yukito, he isn't any help because he said he was fine with whatever I did, but I don't know what I'm gonna do, and I'm being such a jerk to him and to everyone else... I don't know what to do!"

Cassie groaned angrily. "Yes, you do! Don't you? You've known since the minute you called me, and it's my job to talk you out of it, okay? Listen to me. You dropping out of school will not work. It's a stupid idea and you know it, which is why you feel so guilty about it, which is why you're so upset. Erin, what will it solve, really? Nothing! You'll just be angry with yourself all over again and you'll be in the same situation you are now. I mean, really! You've made it this far, and I've never known you to quit at anything. You can do this, really, but not if you tell yourself you can't! That's not how it works and you know it. Erin, you know I'm right. Besides," she added, looking away, "in the long run, there's worse things that could happen besides not doing well in school."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser


"No. I'm not going back. I'm done."

"Well, at least I got you to say a full sentence." Erin didn't respond. "Erin, come on. It's not as bad as you think. You're a junior now. You've got another year and a half and then you're done. Can't you just hold on til then? I mean, seriously..."

Lifting her eyes up from the floor, Erin stared at Cassie incredulously. She made it sound so easy. How could she talk like that, like it was so easy? It wasn't easy at all, didn't she see that's why she was so upset over this? No way was it going to be easy, no matter what she ended up doing... "It's not as bad as I think? I live it, every time I walk through those doors, and it's not over when I go home. What do you mean, 'it's not as bad as I think'? A year and a half is a really long time, Cassie..."

"Yeah, I know," Cassie responded quietly. No you don't, Cassie, you just think you do. You don't get it at all. "But it's not as long as you think--"

"I hate it so much already, and it's only gonna get worse, and I don't know what I can do, I don't know what I should do, I just want out of everything, I want to be done with it so I can do something I feel right doing now, but I don't know what to do, and Yukito, he isn't any help because he said he was fine with whatever I did, but I don't know what I'm gonna do, and I'm being such a jerk to him and to everyone else... I don't know what to do!"

Cassie groaned, only serving to irritate Erin further. Stop acting like it's easy! It's not!! You don't even know... And that, of course, was Erin's own fault.

"Yes, you do!" Cassie argued. "Don't you?" I don't know... "You've known since the minute you called me, and it's my job to talk you out of it, okay? Listen to me. You dropping out of school will not work. It's a stupid idea and you know it, which is why you feel so guilty about it, which is why you're so upset. Erin, what will it solve, really? Nothing! You'll just be angry with yourself all over again and you'll be in the same situation you are now. I mean, really! You've made it this far, and I've never known you to quit at anything. You can do this, really, but not if you tell yourself you can't! That's not how it works and you know it. Erin, you know I'm right. Besides, in the long run, there's worse things that could happen besides not doing well in school."

The thought didn't cross Erin's mind that Cassie was probably referring to herself. It was a subtlety, and Erin didn't always catch those when she was focusing, much less when she was distraught. It sounded now to Erin that Cassie was belittling her and her problems, and it hurt. "I know there's worse things, but this isn't just nothing, just because it's not some cataclysmic event! Just because you don't get it doesn't make it any less real!" Now she'd gotten Erin to raise her volume. She was leaning forward, punctuating her words with pointed gestures. "Every single pointless assignment is a freaking battle, all right? Not just because of the stupid freaking ADD, either. And either everyone thinks I'm lazy and incapable or they expect way too high from me, and I feel like total crap when I keep screwing up and failing every time, like at home. What if I can't finish? Maybe some people just can't. Does that make me less of a person? What if it keeps getting worse and worse and I have to keep living with this screaming hammer burying itself in my head because I feel so-- so--" She broke herself off by screaming incoherently into her hands. It hurt. "Ow..." Erin coughed. "That was stupid."

She dropped back on the couch, deflated. "Cassie..." Erin swallowed, trying to alleviate the feeling of a shredded larynx. It just made her cough again, which sent a fresh throbbing to her head. She massaged her temples. "Either way, I'm gonna lose... I'm gonna end up disappointing someone either way. Why even try?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"I know there's worse things, but this isn't just nothing, just because it's not some cataclysmic event! Just because you don't get it doesn't make it any less real!" The force of her friends comment hit her like a bullet train, and Cassie couldn't help her mouth from dropping open. "I didn't say it wasn't real!" she cried, her voice rising to match Erin's. "And just because I don't get your reaction doesn't mean I don't understand where you're coming from here! God! Don't you know me at all? I'm not saying I don't get it, I'm saying--ugh! I don't know what I'm saying!"

"Every single pointless assignment is a freaking battle, all right? Not just because of the stupid freaking ADD, either. And either everyone thinks I'm lazy and incapable or they expect way too high from me, and I feel like total crap when I keep screwing up and failing every time, like at home. What if I can't finish? Maybe some people just can't. Does that make me less of a person?"

"Of course not!" Cassie snapped, her tone harsher than she meant to. She couldn't help it. She'd spent weeks going the 'pretend everything is fine' route, coupled with the 'cry myself to sleep and wake up screaming' option. This was weeks and months worth of anger being released on someone who didn't deserve it, and the worst part was she couldn't even explain that part to Erin. Because what good would it be to give excuses for acting like a jerk, especially since Erin's issues were so much more pressing at the moment than hers? "What if it keeps getting worse and worse and I have to keep living with this screaming hammer burying itself in my head because I feel so-- so--"

Then Erin screamed, loud enough to make Cassie jump but still muffled enough that Halina didn't come to investigate. Cassie stared wide-eyed at her. This wasn't like Erin. This was mor elike how Cassie sometimes reacted to her problems, instead of facing them. Erin was starting to act like Cassie, and that scared her.

"Ow...That was stupid."

Cassie sighed, halfway between sad and exasperated. "Erin, I swear to God if you call yourself stupid one more time, I'm gonna kill you. You're not. You're one of the smartest people I know and I'm not even kidding. Think about it. So what if school doesn't come easy to you like it does for some people? It's no picnic for me either...but does it matter? Look at you. You're funny and talented and beautiful and random and you make an entire room full of people smile just by being there. And you've got great friends and a boyfriend who loves you and you're wonderful and you are smart! I don't know what else to say to get you to believe me--to believe all of us! Because it's what we've been telling you all along!"

"Cassie...Either way, I'm gonna lose... I'm gonna end up disappointing someone either way. Why even try?"

Instead of answering, Cassie got up and walked briskly across the long entryway, past the formal parlor and dining room and into the kitchen. There, she got Erin a glass of ice water and tried to calm down herself. "Here," she said when she came back, offering her the glass. "Erin...you won't disappoint me, even if you fail. I know it doesn't matter, but it's the truth. I won't be disappointed in you," she said quietly.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Ow...That was stupid."

Cassie sighed, and Erin could bet she was driving her mad. Well, she didn't mean to.... mostly.... "Erin, I swear to God if you call yourself stupid one more time, I'm gonna kill you. You're not. You're one of the smartest people I know and I'm not even kidding. Think about it. So what if school doesn't come easy to you like it does for some people? It's no picnic for me either...but does it matter? Look at you. You're funny and talented and beautiful and random and you make an entire room full of people smile just by being there. And you've got great friends and a boyfriend who loves you and you're wonderful and you are smart! I don't know what else to say to get you to believe me--to believe all of us! Because it's what we've been telling you all along!"

Erin shook her head until she remembered that she was dizzy, and shaking her head made it worse. "Cassie...Either way, I'm gonna lose... I'm gonna end up disappointing someone either way. Why even try?" Cassie didn't know. Maybe she was just being a big baby... she probably was. But still... she was so tired of it all... Couldn't she get a break, just once? Do something right and make people happy with her? Instead of tired or frustrated or disappointed?

Cassie left the room, and Erin was sure it was because she'd infuriated her friend. Way to screw up even more.

Then Cassie was back. "Here." Erin looked up to see her holding a glass of ice water, and she took it gratefully, drinking some before voicing a quiet, "Thanks."

"Erin...you won't disappoint me, even if you fail. I know it doesn't matter, but it's the truth. I won't be disappointed in you," she said quietly.

Erin's eyes widened in surprise. "Why not?" Ow.. Another drink of water. "Cassie, I know it's stu-- it's.. whatever, but it took me forever to tell Yukito, and it was so hard, and I know it doesn't seem like much, but for me it is and I hate it and if I could change it in a heartbeat I would... I hate learning disorders, Cassie, I hate 'em so much. I don't like being singled out for tests or hearing all the comments and crap when I go back in the normal classes. I don't like being lumped with every single person with any type of disability ever. I don't like how my dad likes to explain it to people, that it's like a 'little like Asberger's and a little like Autism' and that I'm lucky because if things had gone just a little bit differently I could be a lot 'deeper on the Autistic spectrum', like it's some kind of wonder to be praised that I can't sit down and read a friggen book like a normal person or follow anything in math or do any assignments right unless I make myself look like an idiot and sit there and read them aloud to myself, sometimes two or three times before it makes sense to me, and I wish so much it could be half as easy for me as it is for Yukito, and I--" I need to breath... ugh... "I'm sorry..."

Erin slowed herself down, taking in the air before gulping down more of the chilling water. "I know it's not as big of a deal as it feels, but...." A shrug. "It still feels like that... and I wish it didn't. Sorry." Even though I still dunno if you understand... or what I should really do... I want to quit it so bad... "I just wanna be away for a while...."

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

This was beginning to be too much for Cassie. After so much time being on the other end of this spectrum, being the person who needed to be comforted, it was too hard to concentrate on being the comforter in a situation. She felt like a horrible friend for being so inept, but in truth she felt too emotionally drained to do much more than try to convince Erin just how wrong she was by saying she was stupid. "...you've got great friends and a boyfriend who loves you and you're wonderful and you are smart! I don't know what else to say to get you to believe me--to believe all of us! Because it's what we've been telling you all along!" I hate it. I hate seeing you like this and I hate not wanting to even do anything about it because I know it won't help...they don't tell you what to do in moments like these. No one tells me what to do, and I need that right now because I don't feel like I can really figure anything out for myself right now!

"Cassie...Either way, I'm gonna lose... I'm gonna end up disappointing someone either way. Why even try?" Erin asked, her crackly voice sounding far too close to Shelby's for Cassie's liking. Instead of answering the obviously rhetorical question, Cassie's only reaction was to get up and get Erin a glass of water, hoping that she could at least provide a little comfort on that front. "Here," she said shortly before going back to her original position on the chair.

"Thanks."

Cassie sighed, defeated. This wasn't working. The only thing she could think of to say anymore was the simple, undisguised truth. "Erin...you won't disappoint me, even if you fail. I know it doesn't matter, but it's the truth. I won't be disappointed in you."

"Why not?" Erin asked, sounding shocked.

Another sigh, this one more angry as Cassie tried to figure out just why Erin wasn't getting this. "Because you're my best friend and I love you," she mumbled, so quiet that she herself could barely hear.

"Cassie, I know it's stu-- it's.. whatever, but it took me forever to tell Yukito, and it was so hard, and I know it doesn't seem like much, but for me it is and I hate it and if I could change it in a heartbeat I would... I hate learning disorders, Cassie, I hate 'em so much. I don't like being singled out for tests or hearing all the comments and crap when I go back in the normal classes. I don't like being lumped with every single person with any type of disability ever. I don't like how my dad likes to explain it to people, that it's like a 'little like Asberger's and a little like Autism' and that I'm lucky because if things had gone just a little bit differently I could be a lot 'deeper on the Autistic spectrum', like it's some kind of wonder to be praised that I can't sit down and read a friggen book like a normal person or follow anything in math or do any assignments right unless I make myself look like an idiot and sit there and read them aloud to myself, sometimes two or three times before it makes sense to me, and I wish so much it could be half as easy for me as it is for Yukito, and I--"

Asberger's. Autism. Until that moment, Cassie hadn't really grasped just how serious things were, especially to Erin, and how much worse they could have been. "Erin..."

I'm sorry...I know it's not as big of a deal as it feels, but....It still feels like that... and I wish it didn't. Sorry. I just wanna be away for a while...."

"Then be away," Cassie said quietly. "Erin, I--" Her words were cut off by the sound of the front door opening. Cassie perked up slightly, thinking it was her mother home early. Maybe I can talk to her about this drinking thing... "Mom? Is that you?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

He quietly parked the car, sitting still in the driver's seat, watching the front steps of the Wrights'. Had he been playing coward by keeping away for the last few days? Perhaps he should have just come by earlier to see if Erin needed him. But the whole thing got him seriously confused, and all the possibilities and suggestions and maybes got wrapped around his head in a hopeless tangle. He'd never know if it had been best for him to wait awhile, to let Erin alone to figure out what she needed, or if he should have stayed with her. But he did still feel like a part of this was his fault. And he did know he couldn't just forget about this, and he felt guilty imagining her there by herself. But Cassie was there, right? Maybe Cassie could be a help.

Cassie's one of the people that needs help herself right now. He frowned. Why was it that when something had to crack, everything shattered at the same time? Couldn't they have one disaster for a school semester or something? Some sort of spacial quota for wrongdoing? Or did everything have to fall like dominoes, quickly together and in a way, connected to each other.

Yukito went up the walk, his hands shoved into his pockets until the last few feet from the door. Then, he pulled his hands out and held them at his sides, as if mentally preparing. The utter silence that hovered over the enormous house was seriously creepy, and made Yukito checked the knob before knocking. Then he frowned in disbelief. They still don't even lock the front door... Are they just begging for someone to waltz in? He clicked the deadbolt behind him, still shaking his head.

"Mom? Is that you?"

Maybe ordinarily he could have felt a little pity for the slightly wary sound he could still hear in Cassie's voice, but right now, he had a real bad feeling about the unlocked door. "No, but fortunately for you it's just boring old Yukito," he followed the voice to find the girls and stopped in the doorway to shoot Cassie a dark look, "You seriously don't lock your door?"

There was no way to keep his eyes from wandering to Erin, who held a glass of water and looked like she'd just gone through an enormous emotional upheaval... again. He froze in place watching her for a long moment, then shoved his hands in his pockets again. "How're you doing?" He hadn't meant to sound as tentative as he did. But there it was.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Erin..." Cassie started, and Erin cut her off with apology, sure that she was about to get onto her for having held out so long or something like that.

I'm sorry...I know it's not as big of a deal as it feels, but....It still feels like that... and I wish it didn't. Sorry. I just wanna be away for a while...."

"Then be away," Cassie said quietly, making her glance up at her curiously. She wasn't sure if Cassie knew what she meant, or if she was misunderstanding Cassie. She didn't think Erin meant away from Cassie, did she? God, she hated having to ask what she was sure were obvious questions. "Cassie... You expect me to get what you mean right away, and I don't-- I, you might be making a joke or something and I just can't-- I thought Yukito was being serious when he was trying to make me laugh and I got hurt and left and it's so stupid, because I should be able to get it, I know I should and I want to but I can't and I don't know what to do!" She felt like the whole stupid thing was just gonna make her cry again, and she hated it. She even sounded like she was crying, even though there weren't tears.

Cassie must have seen her anxiety, because then she started, "Erin, I--" Her words were cut off by the sound of the front door opening. Cassie looked up, interested, and Erin curled back onto the couch, sipping at the cold water. It was condensing, little droplets sticking to her hands. "Mom? Is that you?"

"No, but fortunately for you it's just boring old Yukito."

At first, hearing his voice made Erin want to perk up and run to him, to feel his comforting hold on her, but then she remembered what a jerk she'd been to him, and shied back into the couch corner.

"You seriously don't lock your door?" Now Yukito's voice was clearer; she looked up from her water to see his face, a huge weight of guilt shoving itself down into her stomach. A thousand apologies fell heavy on her tongue.

He just looked at her. She wished she could tell what he was thinking. He was frozen in place with his pockets. "How're you doing?"

I don't know... I feel empty and confused and exposed and mean and stupid and all I want right now is for you to sit with me and hold me until I'm better... But he wasn't holding her. Or sitting next to her. She must have really been a jerk. "I'm so sorry!" The words tumbled out fast, squeezed through a tight throat, as Erin made the mistake of leaping to her feet to embrace him, and, feeling dizzy and weak, let the glass slip from her hands and onto the floor. She screeched an obscenity at it, repeating herself until she finally started crying. Erin dropped to her knees to try to clean up her mess, but all her sudden movements were making the room spin too much, and she had to put her forehead on the couch cushion, closing her eyes in an attempt to steady herself. "I'm really, really sorry," she mumbled in utter sincerity.

Feeling like the epitome of pathetic-ness, Erin pulled herself back onto the couch and curled back up. "You're not gonna make me go back already, are you?" she asked Yukito weakly. "I don't want to go back... I just wanna stay with you..."