Omoi ~ Several Short Stories about Kagayaki

[More than Music]

These are some things in Kagayaki's past that really struck me lately. I thought I should develop them more, 'cause then it might help me with him now. Or help you. Or something.

All dialogue is Japanese unless otherwise noted.

'Ototo' is japanese for 'little brother', I believe. And 'niisan' means 'big brother'. Just, by the way.

Enjoy!

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Omoi ~ Don't You Dare Die

It had already been a long day. Kagayaki had been constantly glancing over his shoulder, hoping so hard he wouldn't run into Takeshi today. It just wasn't normal not to see him all day. Not by any means.

It started in third period, a class he usually had with Takeshi. The boy was absent. By fifth period, Kagayaki's hands had started to shake. At lunch, he was unable to eat and just wanted to go home. He didn't like this. He didn't like the feeling he had.

Something just wasn't right.

He'd skipped lunch and gone to the bathroom, not realizing he was by himself until he walked out into the empty hall.

'Not good,' a voice in his head told him. 'Not good at all...'

That's when he heard it. Slow footsteps down the hallway behind him. Kagayaki froze.

"Thought you'd be here," a deep voice muttered, seeming amused. Kagayaki felt everything in his body seize up, like he'd been hit with a tranquilizer. "If you're not with your friends, you're hiding in the bathroom." Takeshi laughed. Kagayaki could just barely see him leaning against the wall. "Look at me."

Kagayaki immediately obeyed, looking up into Takeshi's face. He was too afraid not to listen. But he said nothing.

The older boy's face twisted into a frown. His skin was pretty dark for a Japanese. It was because he was part-Korean. That was probably why he was so aggressive; Koreans weren't very easily accepted here. Kagayaki thought it was silly, but everyone else took it very seriously.

Takeshi took it very seriously.

"Stop that." Kagayaki's gaze hit the floor like precious glass, all hope of avoiding Takeshi's bad temper shattering across the hard floor of the hallway. "You're stupid. You do everything you're told. I hate that. I don't know what my cousin could possibly see in you." Kagayaki winced a little, but that only fueled the fire. "In fact, I don't see what anyone could see in you. You're pathetic."

Kagayaki swallowed. "But... people love other people... for... and despite... all faults..." He looked up into Takeshi's eyes again. "That's why Sumire loves me. Because she knows I love her too."

Takeshi's hand slammed into Kagayaki's face, throwing him to the floor. "Shut up all that talk about love! No one talks about love anymore. Love doesn't exist anymore. Everyone knows that. You're just too stupid to realize it too."

Wiping his mouth to make sure he wasn't bleeding, Kagayaki picked himself up. "Sumire loves you too, Takeshi. And I..." He swallowed again, afraid of what could happen if he continued.

"And you what?"

"I... I love you too."

Takeshi's horror was enough to make Kagayaki take several steps back. "WHAT?!?"

"No... not like that..." Kagayaki breathed. "No, I mean... I care about you a lot... because Sumire loves you, and--" He couldn't finish because Takeshi hit him again. And again. And again.

"Don't you EVER say that again, you understand me? UNDERSTAND?!?"

Kagayaki found himself on the floor again, this time choking on the blood that was filling his mouth. "T... Takeshi...s... senpai..."

"SHUT UP!" Takeshi was turning on his heel, looking for something...

"T... Takeshi..." He felt a foot in his side for that one. "...I..."

"Here we go..." Takeshi had found a metal pole to be reused for hanging flags, since the old flags had been worn or ripped off. Afraid of what he could need that for, Kagayaki jumped backwards and hit his head on the wall. While he had one hand on his new injury, eyes closed, he heard Takeshi swing. But he didn't react fast enough.

The pole made contact with his right rib with the strength of Takeshi's fury. Kagayaki gasped, thrown to the side by the blow. He was choking harder now, but that didn't stop Takeshi. He swooped down for several more blows, and Kagayaki could only just stop him from breaking his arm by moving it aside. At least he'd only hurt one thing...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It didn't take long for him to notice that Kaga-kun had been gone much too long to be using the bathroom. Karyu tapped his hands on the table, trying to distract himself by winking at some cute girls across the room from him. They giggled, but it wasn't enough.

His best friend still wasn't back, and lunch was almost over. He couldn't take it anymore.

Rising from his table, Karyu took care of his lunch -- by dumping it in the trash nearest to the door -- and quickly left the cafeteria.

'Where could he be? It's not like him to take very long. Not unless...' Karyu paused. That bad feeling Kaga-kun had been having all day... the one he'd mentioned at lunch...

He broke into a run. "KAGA-KUN! KAGA-KUN!" Not hearing the usually quick reply to calm him down, or even seeing his friend, Karyu felt himself choking. "KAGAYAKI!"

Just coming up on the bathrooms, Karyu saw Matsumoto-san standing over someone. Skidding to a halt, Karyu was unable to breathe steadily.

"NO!"

The blood on the metal object Matsumoto-san was holding made Karyu's heart beat faster. He felt like he was growing with his anger as he rushed at the older boy. "NO!"

Matsumoto-san deflected him with the rod, sending a surge of pain up Karyu's arm, but he refused to give up. Throwing him aside, Karyu turned to Kagayaki. He wasn't moving, laying on the floor with his eyes closed. He didn't even seem to be breathing. Karyu turned quickly, pointing a finger in Matsumoto-san's face.

"I swear, Matsumoto-san, if he's dead, I will repay you for every moment of pain you put him through!"

Matsumoto-san just took a step back, the stricken look on his face becoming evident now. "I... I didn't mean to... to kill him..."

Karyu threw him back. "Get out of here! GET OUT!"

Matsumoto-san dropped the metal bar, breaking into a run and disappearing from view. Karyu dropped to his knees beside Kagayaki, shaking.

"Don't die, Kagayaki... don't die..." He reached down, picking up his blood-soaked friend as carefully as he could, shaking with fear. "Don't... don't you dare die, ototo..." Stumbling as he got to his feet, Karyu refused to let his friend fall. "I know I let you down..." He turned towards the nurse's office and took a heavy-footed step. "But... please... I promise..." One more step. "If you stay alive for me..." Another step. "If you stay with me..." Several more steps. "I will never let you be in a situation like this again.. Never again..." He was gaining speed. "Just promise me you'll stay alive..."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Kagayaki woke up in the hospital, all hooked up to the machines and in that weird outfit he always ended up in there. He frowned from how weak he felt, that drained feeling he knew pretty well.

How had he gotten here? Who had found him?

There was someone standing over him. He looked up and managed to smile at the face of his friend since before... before everything.

"K... Karyu..."

Karyu did not smile. Karyu did not move. He just stared down at Kagayaki, as if waiting for something.

"You... you found me..."

There was the smile. "Of course I did. I'm your best friend, remember?" Karyu reached towards him, hesitated, checked to see if anyone was listening, then took hold of Kagayaki's hands. "Don't you dare scare me like that again. Don't you understand the process of running from people like that? Why didn't you run? Or yell? Or..." Karyu sighed. "Or... anything?"

Kagayaki smiled knowingly, holding Karyu's hands as tightly as he could right now. "I thought... I could... save him... senpai... I really... I really thought I could..."

Karyu looked away, but Kagayaki tugged on his hands and he looked back. "Just don't... don't let it happen ever again, got it? Ever." Kagayaki nodded, but Karyu frowned. "Promise me you'll always fight back from now on. Promise."

Kagayaki smiled, letting their hands rest on the spot that hurt most right now: his right side, on his ribs. "I promise..." He thought for a second, then winked. "I promise, niisan."

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Hope to have the next part ready soon.

[The Phantom of Paris]

That was really sweet/sad. My one protest is since that happened in school, that could have gotten Takeshi in trouble LIKEWOAH. But that's just me. I really liked it!

[GGJ5]

MTM: this reminded me a little of the song "How to Save a Life"... just not as optimistic. XD And dude, Takeshi has some anger issues like woah.

I like the involvement of Karyu. I also think I quite like his character. (:

[More than Music]

Thanks Poppy. And yes, Takeshi got in trouble LIKEWOAH.

But that's for the next part.



Thank you sensei! Yeah, Karyu is a pretty cool guy. ^,^ Takeshi's anger issues scare ME sometimes. !_!




I'll try and get the next part up soon... Just dunno how much muse I'll have, and I have something very important to write before this weekend, so that'll come first -- right after school -- which'll put this and RP posts... I dunno where. ?_? But I'll see what I can do.

[More than Music]

Okay, here's an update! Just by the way, the word 'love' referenced here is the Japanese word 'ai', which is rarely -- if ever -- used in normal life. And if you see any holes in my use of JME please let me know because I want this to be accurate... Enjoy~

Omoi ~ I'm Asking You To Chose

It wasn't easy, calming his mother down. She was scared senseless that he was in such bad condition, which was reasonable, but not good for the long term. He'd get better... In a few months, they would be discussing him going back to school, and he hoped to be back on his feet by then. Until then was the healing process, inside and out.

Someone knocked on the doorway as they came in, making Kagayaki look up. He smiled tiredly. “Sumire...”

“Hey Kagayaki...” She was hesitant... What was the matter? “How are you feeling?”

He looked away, smiling a little more out of habit. “Fine. Good. Better.”

Her hand on his shoulder made him feel weak, but he couldn't look at her. “Kagayaki...”

“Why didn't you come before?” It came out as a confused, angry rush. He didn't like that anger. That anger reminded was the reason he was in here... Anger. Horrible, useless, violence. But he couldn't take it back now that he'd said it... and a part of him didn't want to. “Why didn't you even call?” His voice was becoming choked.

“I... Wha... Kagayaki...”

Kagayaki looked at her, feeling the tears in his eyes. “Why didn't you care that I...” Could he say it? “I almost died, Sumire, and you didn't even come to see me...” He swallowed. “What does that mean, Sumire?”

She looked away, biting her lip, seeming frustrated. “I... I was busy, really busy.”

He shook a little from how hard it still was to breathe, even on the machines. “Takeshi, right? You had to take care of him first?” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her look down and nod, one hand on the edge of his hospital bed. This hurt so much... everything did. “O...Okay...”

“Kagayaki--”

“Sumire, I can't do this.” His voice was completely unsteady. “I can't... I just can't.”

“Do what?” She was snapping at him. This wasn't right at all... this wasn't the people they were before.

Kagayaki blinked and wiped his eyes. “I can't be less important than him. It just isn't right.”

“He's my family, Kagayaki!” Sumire was clenching her jaw, something she only did when she was very upset. “And I can't believe you're being so selfish!”

He looked at her, shocked. “Selfish?”

“Yes, selfish!”

He slammed his fist down on the tray on his lap. “I'm in the HOSPITAL, Sumire!” She took a step back. She wasn't used to him yelling like this... He wasn't either. “I... I almost died... Don't you care?” He shook his head. “You care more about the person that almost killed me than you do about me!”

“He's lost everything, Kagayaki! He's be expelled from school, deserted by all his friends, and kicked out of his family's house!” She was tensing. He couldn't believe they'd come to this. “He needs me! He has no one!”

“Maybe that's good!” He looked away. They were both crying now. Maybe they deserved it, for what they'd said. “Maybe, for trying to kill me, it's good he has nothing.”

“Kagayaki, that's a horrible thing to say!”

He met her eyes squarely. “I honestly think you'd still be on his side if he'd killed me.”

She withdrew again. “What?” she gasped. She wasn't expecting this from him. He hated that she was seeing it.

“You would be.”

“Shut up! Shut UP!”

He looked away. “Yeah, I should shut up. Because I'm stupid, right? Because I'm stupid, and ugly, and no one should ever love me.” The world was blurry, and he blinked just so it didn't disappear completely. “You don't.”

“Stop that!” He saw her pointing at him. “Stop talking about love! No one talks about love anymore, no one believes in love anymore! You're the only one in the world that says 'I love you' to people and it's pathetic!” Sumire shook her head, letting her hand fall. “There's no such thing as love anymore, Kagayaki. There just isn't.”

Kagayaki looked at the floor, not watching her anymore. “I think there is. Just not with you.”

“I give up! I give up trying to help you!”

“HELP me?” He turned his head to stare right into her face, such anger in his face that she looked scared of him. “Sumire, I'm asking you to CHOSE!”

She stood there a moment, dumbfounded. “...What?”

“Chose!” he choked. “Him... or me?”

She stood taller, her hands in fists. “That's horrible.”

He tensed, trying to fight the shaking. “Him... or me?”

“Kagayaki, stop it!”

“Him... or me?”

“FINE!” She threw her hands up. “HIM!”

He pointed towards the door. “GET OUT!”

She turned and ran, not looking back once. He watched her until she was out of sight, then suddenly felt himself fall out of consciousness, vaguely aware that he was crying out and that his body was beginning to shake. He felt half-awake but couldn't control a thing... It was like he wasn't even in control of his body as it shook wildly.

He woke up a while later, his mother and Karyu hovering over the bed. His mother had a blank look on her face and her arms folded over her chest, like she usually did when she was very upset and confused. Karyu had his hands over his face. Kagayaki looked between them, not catching their attention for a few minutes.

“... What happened?” His voice was tired, and he wasn't sure what he was feeling. He just knew his ribs hurt.

“You had a seizure, Kakikun,” his mother whispered, not moving. Karyu let his hands fall and looked at her for a moment, then shook his head, coming to Kagayaki's bedside.

“You have something called Juvenile myoclonic epilepsy,” he muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Or you could call it JME if you want. I don't care.” Karyu looked around the room like it held some information he needed, but it wasn't giving it. Kagayaki followed his gaze, finding nothing. “It means you'll have seizures if you don't take medicine for it... like what just happened.”

“I don't understand,” Kagayaki said, looking at his mother then back at Karyu. “I don't remember anything after Sumire left...”

“Sumire was here and didn't help you?!” His mother seemed to be very upset. He didn't like that. “I knew--”

“No, momma, she left, then I... I...” He looked up sideways, thinking. “Then I fell asleep for no reason.”

“Yeah, that was the seizure,” Karyu put in, running a hand through his hair. “You had a seizure.”

“What's a seizure?”

Karyu looked a little surprised, but shrugged. “Um... it's a... it's a fit. You know, where your body starts to shake really hard and you can't control it...” He looked at Kagayaki. “Make sense?”

Kagayaki frowned. “I still don't understand what happened.”

Sighing, Karyu reached over and ruffling Kagayaki's hair. “Just trust me. The doctor's gonna get you some medicine to take care of it, but it'll make you kinda drowsy sometimes. Okay?”

Shrugging, Kagayaki closed his eyes. “You're looking out for me... I'll be okay.”

“What happened with Sumire?”

Kagayaki didn't say anything, just shrugged again.

“You don't wanna talk about it?”

“We broke up.” Kagayaki looked at Karyu with a sad smile. “She chose Takeshi.”

Wordlessly acknowledging, Karyu nodded and got up off the bed. “Get some real rest. I'll be back to see you later.”

“Okay,” Kagayaki sighed, closing his eyes again. “Thank you, senpai.”

“No problem.”

[GGJ5]

Interesting development/shift there, with epilepsy. Most of my exposure to it comes from friends who have it, or from books. lol. So I don't really know so much about how it feels to have a seizure, though my friend who has epilepsy said hers hurt her really badly while she was trying to find the right medication for it. But as their are lots of different types of seizures, that was just hers. A teacher friend of mine would just randomly lose feeling on one side of her body and drop things/collapse/etc. I'm guessing Kagayaki is more prone to catatonic episodes from how you've described it? [/me pretending to be knowledgeable in neurology, lol]

The conversation with Sumire is so saaad... realistic, I think, because of her loyalty to her blood kin, etc., but I think that just makes it more sad for Kagayaki! Alas!

[The Phantom of Paris]

I agree with GG re: the epilepsy thing. My cat Isabel has it, and it's really scary to watch...she loses all control of her body and just flails around and if we don't hold her down she could hurt herself. And then for 24 hours afterwards she's what's called post-ictal, which basically means she's out of it, her eyes are really wide like cats eyes get in the dark, and she can walk into walls. But obviously cat!epilepsy is different than human, so...

But I really liked the story...it made me tear up a little....

[More than Music]

Re:epilepsy: The kind of seizures he has are called tonic-clonic, where they pass out for a few moments and then their muscles tense -- sending them into the fit -- and then they lose consciousness and forget it ever happened. But that's just what I read, so I was wondering if any of you knew more. But yeah, in his kind of epilepsy, he's also kind of prone to lose feeling and drop things without going into a seizure... which explains a lot about a few interactions he's been in. XD I was like "Why are you dropping stuff for no reason?!?"

Yeah, I tried to focus a lot on the dialogue there to make sure it worked... Sumire/Kagayaki is sad!!

Glad y'all liked it!