W Hotel New Orleans

[GGJ5]

Conveniently located in the French Quarter, this hotel is a great deal for tourists who flock down for Mardi Gras, Saints games, concerts, the Superbowl (when it plays here), vacations, work, or the infamous hurricane party. (Although, really, who travels for those? People just want to see the big wave when it hits and say, "I saw it!"...) For just under a hundred dollars a night on average, the W Hotel New Orleans offers 24 hour room service, free high-speed internet, a pool, a TV with over 200 channels, and much more. The Mississippi can be seem from the majority of the hotel's room's windows, and the folks that stay here usually agree that they got more than their money's worth (although some would argue that the rooms are a bit too small...).

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

He dropped his bag onto the bed and looked around the hotel room with forced nonchalance. This was what it had come to. The end of everything before. And for some reason, his first thoughts weren't to his parents, but wondering whether or not to call Erin. This somehow surprised him.

I'll call her after school lets out, he decided, looking over to see it was only ten o'clock in the morning. Yukito sighed, flopping down on the bed. The room was too clean. It irritated him.

He pulled his bag over and yanked out what little he had onto the floor, kicking furiously at it so as to make the room more disheveled. He ripped at the scratchy bedspread, sending it across the floor, snarling at it with growing frustration. He hastily went through the drawers and closets, throwing anything movable towards the center of the room that he could find; meanwhile screaming out random obscenities that he knew, getting more and more furious.

He screamed and threw a chair onto the bed. Stupid, stupid mother. Stupid people that lie to your face!

It took him awhile to wind down, and he fell asleep on the floor hours later, surrounded by the meager debris he had acquired. He woke up to room service asking to get in, and he told them to go away, his voice scratchy and weak. He sat up, looking more disheveled than ever, and leaned against the foot of the unmade bed.

I need to call someone. He had deliberately left his cellphone behind so his mother couldn't contact him, but he knew a couple of numbers by heart. He leaned over and grabbed the phone, punching the numbers in with a serious expression.

Erin's voice chirruped before the telltale leave-a-message beep, lifting his spirits momentarily. There was a moment of silence before Yukito could speak.

“Hey, Erin. Just wanted to let you know my...my phone is out of whack..” he paused. He didn't want to explain the story over voicemail. “Uh...call me back at this number when you can, okay? Room number 215, I think. And...uh...” he rubbed his temples, let out a sigh, and finished, “I love you, Erin...” He hung up the unfamiliar phone to just pick it up again immediately and dial Aidousan's cell phone.

This time, the unknown number was answered to, and Yukito rolled his eyes, sparking irritably at his friend's easygoing nature. “Why don't you ever check your caller id, idiot? I could've been some creep calling you.”

------

Kagayaki Aidou

Kagayaki ran a flustered hand across his forehead, finding cold sweat there that didn't surprise him. Where is he? He reached into his pocket, looking at his cellphone for the millionth time, he was certain. No calls. He almost dialed Cassiechan but decided not to worry her with it.

He was aware, looking down at the phone, that his hands were still shaking. They had been since he'd walked into Yukito's apartment to find Makisama in tears, saying she had no idea where Yukito was.

He's leaving. He left. He's gone. I don't know where he is. Will I ever find him or see him again? Why didn't he call me? Where could he be? Why would he do this to me, knowing me?

Then he swallowed, putting his phone into his pocket again.

I can't believe I'm being so selfish. This isn't about you This is about Yukitokun and he's obviously very upset.

Kagayaki jumped as his phone rang, just at the moment he was deciding to scour the city for his friend. “Yukito!” he yelped, pulling the phone out like it was on fire. Shaky voiced, he answered: “Moshi-moshi?” It wasn't Yukito's number, but maybe...

Makisama turned and looked into his eyes, her own full of shock, hurt, and tears. She watched him, waiting for word on her son.

“Why don't you ever check your caller id, idiot? I could have been some creep calling you.”

Kagayaki laughed, feeling better just knowing he was okay.

“Yukitokun, you scared me silly!” he breathed, smiling and looking at Makisama with a wink. He's okay, he mouthed to her, trying hard to keep the look of worry off his face. “Where the hell are you? Your okaasan and I are running around here like maniacs.” Then he laughed. “Let me see you. Please.” He cleared his throat, turning from Makisama and whispered, “I saw someone while shopping for Cassiechan's birthday, and this it not a joke, Yukitokun.”

I need you and your harsh but supportive words. And you may just need me. Please.


-----


Yukito Maki

“Moshi-moshi?” Aioudsan's voice sounded shaky, which somehow made it easier for Yukito to pull off his usual tone of indifference.

“Why don't you ever check your caller id, idiot? I could have been some creep calling.”

That girly laugh echoed across the phone, and a smile played at Yukito's lips. He was already glad he had called. “Yukitokun, you scared me silly!”

“What?” How had he already heard? Had his mom called Aidousan?

“Where the hell are you? Your okaasan and I are running around here like maniacs.” A laugh yet again.

Yukito frowned, his bottom lip protruding a little and his brow furrowing. Sure, she was worried. He wasn't going to check in with her and abide by her ideals anymore. Yukito supposed that left her with a very hollow, helpless feeling. And he didn't feel guilty about that, not now.

“I'm not going back anymore, Aidousan,” he said quietly, “I can't.”

“Let me see you. Please.”

Yukito leaned back to stare at the ceiling and sighed.

“I saw someone while shopping for Cassiechan's birthday, and this is not a joke, Yukitokun.”

A deeper frown. He's not coming to probe me like mom would. He's not even trying to get me to come home. He needs to tell me something he's dealing with. I guess I could use the distraction.

“Don't tell mom where I'm at. Tell her I'm not coming home.” he looked for an address on the phone base, giving out simplistic instructions like 'walk down the street four blocks' in a slow voice. “Go there. I'll meet you out front, okay?”

He hesitated, feeling like something was left unsaid, then hung up.


-----


Kagayaki Aidou

“Yukitokun, you scared me silly!” Kagayaki said immediately.

“What?” he seemed surprised. You disappeared and you didn't know about it?

Yukitokun's next words surprised him. “I'm not going back anymore, Aidousan. I can't.”

Kagayaki didn't get what he meant. “What do you mean, you 'can't'? “ he asked, seeing pain on Makisama's face. “'Course you can come back.” Then he sighed, knowing his friend's stubbornness. “Let me come see you, please.”

Silence on the other end, to him, meant confirmation was necessary. Clarification, too. He turned so Makisama couldn't see.

“I saw someone while shopping for Cassiechan's birthday, and this is not a joke, Yukitokun.”

He could almost see Yukitokun's frown. More silence. He decided to throw in some humor, just in case he was right.

“And we need to talk about this whole, still calling me 'Aidousan after how many years?' thing.” he added with a smile that could be heard in his voice.

Please don't be sad anymore. Let me help. Make me smile too.

Yukito told him not to tell Makisama where he was. Kagayaki looked at her with a frown, and shook his head. She nodded, sighing and leaving the room. She might have said something, but he couldn't hear it because he was trying as hard as he could to remember the instructions Yuyukun was telling him.

“Hai,” he finally said, smiling to push away the frown and feeling that he would get lost, making Yuyukun upset, and ruin everything. Then Yuyukun hung up. Kagayki knew it was dumb, but he had sort of a feeling of rejection in the pit of his stomach.

Like he wanted to hear a 'thanks for caring about me' even though he'd never been able to expect it. No one said that, especially not Yukito. He liked it better when people left him alone and didn't worry.

Especially Kagayaki. Which didn't help that feeling. And the thought in his head that it was time to go home.

But I have to settle things down first. Saikochan and Yukitokun fighting, then Cassiechan being hurt by that...that... And now this.

He shook his head, just walking outside and down the street with his face down.

Now is no time to leave them.

After 15 minutes of confusion with traffic and directions, he finally saw Yukitokun. Kagayaki ran to him. “How you?”

-----

Yukito Maki

“I saw someone while shopping for Cassiechan's birthday, and this is not a joke, Yukitokun.” he frowned, but it obviously wasn't seen by his friend. “And we need to talk about this whole 'still calling me Aidousan after how many years?' thing.” Yukito arched an eyebrow, hearing the amusement which punctuated this sentence.

“Eto...okay...” he said in a surprised voice. He wondered where this was coming from. He had always called him Aidousan. It would be strange to call him anything else.

“Don't tell my mother.” he gave in and told Aidousan how to get to his hotel.

“Hai,” was the single word confirmation that he understood. Yukito hung up with a feeling of worry and seeming that was more he should have added. But what? He sighed and started downstairs, slipping his key into his pocket as he went. It felt like it took Aidousan a long time to get there, and Yukito missed his cell phone already. But nonetheless the familiar eyes locked with his, and Aidousan ran up to him.

“How you?” he asked. Yukito shoved his hands into his pockets.

There were too many replies to that. Most of them were lies. And some of them were too honest – they would solve nothing. Would help nothing. He shrugged and looked away with a frown.

“I've been better,” he said simply.

My mom is back together with my dad, apparently. He's an a** and he still manipulates her. And I think he's doing it now to get to me again. I'm trapped and I have nowhere to go. I'm afraid to tell Erin yet so she isn't probed by her parents and no one else but you really cares. Yeah...I've been better.

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

“I've been better,” was all Yuyukun said. Kagayaki looke d down at his still-trembling hands, feeling the longing to pull his friend close and protect him from whatever horror had inspired the look in Yukito's eyes. After he felt the sobs growing in him, he give into that urge, if only to hide the tears that wanted to come out. Kagayaki threw his arms around his friend, holding him tightly.

“It's gonna be okay, Yuyukun,” he promised, his throat closing in on itself. “I don't know what happened. She didn't say, you know your okaasan. But I know you must be upset, very very much, to leave like you did.” He took a deep breath. “And I want you to know... you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

He leaned back and looked into Yukito's face. “Promise.”

Sighing, he released Yuyukun and laughed half-heartedly. “Gomen ne,” he said, wiping his eyes and trying to remove the signs of crying. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I know, if I was upset, I would want you to do something like that.” He forced out another laugh. “But that's silly. You hate people touching you... especially me.”

Kagayaki looked around. “Ah, think-think,” he whispered softly, folding his hands behind his head. “You're staying here? It's kind of...” He pushed out another laugh, sending Yuyukun a wink. “Cheap-cheap, for you.”

'Please let this make you smile. Let this help ease up whatever is making you sad. I want to help. Please? Please?'

-----


Yukito Maki

He hadn't expected much, mostly because he was still slightly pessimistic by nature, but to say the hug he received from Aidousan was a shock was a definite understatement. He tried very, very hard not to react coldly and to pull away. The result was that he didn't immediately pull away, but he still stiffened, and his arms didn't have the strength to even consider returning the gesture.

He wanted to cry and had to swallow the lump in his throat. 'Thank you, Aidousan, but I'm not yet ready to accept this. Almost. But not yet.'

“It's gonna be okay, Yuyukun,” Aidousan said in a strangled voice. “I don't know what happened. She didn't say, you know your okaasan. But I know you must be upset, very very much, to leave like you did.” Yukito wanted to scream out everything and get it over with. “And I want you to know... you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.” At last he pulled away a little to look into Yukito's face, “I promise.”

Yukito gave a very slow very slight nod. Aidousan released him, and Yukito realized he had been holding his breath. Aidousan laughed.

“Gomen ne, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I know, if I was upset, I would want you to do something like that. But that's silly. You hate people touching you... especially me.”

Yukito's eyes softened. “It isn't because it's you, Aidousan... even if I'm not good at... at taking it. Thanks.”

Aidousan then turned to the hotel, making a teasing comment about it being cheap for Yukito's standards.

Yukito's smile returned ever-so-briefly, then he explained. “I have no job, so this is the result of much birthday money saved. And you always said it was silly to never use it.”

He indicated towards his room with his head. “Come on.” He led Aidousan to the small – and messy – room, dropping the key on the desk inside.

“Home sweet home. How sad is that?” He sighed.

-----


Kagayaki Aidou

Realizing his friend's discomfort, Kagayaki released Yukitokun and apologized for his sudden outburst of mush. Yukitokun didn't seem as bothered by it, now that they weren't touching.

“It isn't because it's you, Aidousan... but even if I'm not good at... taking it. Thanks.” he said, and though he wasn't convinced, Kagayaki felt better for it. The effort had been good.

And when Kagayaki decided to change the subject to a lighter one, Yukitokun followed easily, another sign of effort. That was good.

“I have no job, so this is the result of much birthday money saved. And you always said it was silly to never use it.”

Kagayaki laughed, sending his friend another wink. “You know better than to trust my judgment. Half the time I'm lying, just to keep a smile on your face.” This was true – very true, actually – but said with his light-hearted voice, it seemed less likely. Even though it was definitely the truth.

Yukitokun gestured towards the hotel with his head. “Come on.” Kagayaki smiled and nodded, following Yukitokun to a room in the hotel. The older boy's mouth fell open. Then he laughed.

“You made it look like your room.” he commented in a low voice.

“Home sweet home. How sad is that?” Yukitokun said, sighing. Kagayaki shrugged.

“If I keep up with my current luck, I might have to get a room like this.”

-----

Yukito Maki

Aidousan winked. “You know better than to trust my judgment. Half the time I'm lying, just to keep a smile on your face.” His tone was teasing, but then again – that was how it usually sounded. Yukito turned and led Aidousan to his hotel room.

“You made it look like your room,” Aidousan said with a laugh. Yukito shrugged.

That was kind of the point.

“If I keep up with my current luck, I might have to get a room like this.”

Yukito sent him a look, then sat cross-legged on the floor, propped up against the bed and some debris.

“What's up with that?” he said, his toe poking at the telephone he had left on the floor.


-----


Kagayaki Aidou

Kagayaki felt a little tense as Yukitokun watched him. “What's up with that?” he asked, and Kagayaki looked away , unable to hide it now; he was hurting and Yukitokun had brought it into the light. So now he had two choices.

One, he could pretend he was okay – like he usually did – and focus on making Yuyukun feel better – again, like usual. But the 'usual' was slowly tearing him apart and he needed a chance, somewhere. He needed to be better for Cassiechan if he was going to keep her happy. The 'usual', as he'd seen, wasn't gonna cut it this time.

But, option two, telling Yuyukun what was bothering him, scared him too much. Because he didn't want to be selfish, although people kept telling him it was rude of him to not trust people. It wasn't that he didn't trust them. He was just afraid to be left with an open wound, all alone. Yukitokun had no idea how many reasons he'd given Kagayaki to just walk away for his own good.

But if he didn't do something for his own good soon, he knew something – or someone, if he was lucky – would revert him back into the routine that only did more damage every time he circled around.

Kagayaki found the desk chair – far from where it belonged - , placed it upright facing Yukitokun, and tried to avoid the feeling of a confession as he sat down.

“Yuyukun,” he began, sighing and swallowing hard. He clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. “I'm a horrible person.” He swallowed again and forced himself to continue.

“I think... no... I'm sure I'm still in love with Yumi. I know I am. And I also know what I bastard I am for getting into a relationship with Cassiechan while I still love Yumi, and... I think I took it out on other people the other day.” His head was as lowered as possible now. “I think I should go home before I ruin things here. But I know that no one wants me at home.”

He looked up for a second. “But, the worst part is... I don't want to... to fix things anymore. And, I feel like I'm letting everyone I love down. But something tells me I'm not... I don't know, Yukito...”

His face fell again.

“I... I know you probably need someone right now, even though it's definitely not me.” This last word was said almost with contempt. “But I need you, Yukito. I need you to be there for me, to not want me to leave... and that's why I've been saying I should go... because I'm worried you don't want me here anymore... and I don't want to ask you to hide me from this mess I've made for myself, but... Please don't make me leave. I can admit now that I'm not okay, and that I need you to save me from what I've done... just until I figure out what I need to do. Something that will help me. Because I'm not used to thinking that way, but I have to.” He paused. “Okay. I'm done.”

-----


Yukito Maki

Aidou didn't answer for a very long time. He took the toppled chair and righted it so he could use it, facing Yukito with a serious face.

“Yuyukun, I'm a horrible person.” Aidousan managed, looking guilty. Yukito stared back at him, saying nothing, not believing him.

“I think... no... I'm sure I'm still in love with Yumi. I know I am. And I also know what I bastard I am for getting into a relationship with Cassiechan while I still love Yumi, and... I think I took it out on other people the other day. I think I should go home before I ruin things here. But I know that no one wants me at home.” Aidousan looked down. “But, the worst part is... I don't want to... to fix things anymore. And, I feel like I'm letting everyone I love down. But something tells me I'm not... I don't know, Yukito... I... I know you probably need someone right now, even though it's definitely not me. But I need you, Yukito. I need you to be there for me, to not want me to leave... and that's why I've been saying I should go... because I'm worried you don't want me here anymore... and I don't want to ask you to hide me from this mess I've made for myself, but... Please don't make me leave. I can admit now that I'm not okay, and that I need you to save me from what I've done... just until I figure out what I need to do. Something that will help me. Because I'm not used to thinking that way, but I have to....... Okay. I'm done.”

Yukito looked down at his knees, unsure of what to say now.

If Kagayaki really still cared for Yumi, he shouldn't be with Cassie. But Cassie needed Aidousan right now. All of this stuff with her mom's boyfriend, he didn't know if she could handle it. Yukito had assured Cassie that Aidousan would still care about her, attack or no. He was still sure something like that wouldn't change Aidousan's opinion of Cassie, but he was also sure that Cassie wouldn't take it that way if he broke up with her now.

And what about Yumi? Had she really meant to screw with things like this?

“You can stay if you like, Aidousan, I won't make you leave...” He huddled closer to himself on the floor until he was a little ball, clinging to his knees and gazing dully at the floor. Sure he would regreat that one. “I.. I don't want you to leave... I need you, too. Selfish or no... If you're terrible, I'm worse...”

He thought for a minute, then quietly asked, “Do you love Cassiechan? Or do you love Yumichan?”

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

Kagayaki waited, head bowed, for Yuyukun's reply. He had that feeling in his gut that this hadn't been the right time to break down and just blurt everything out.

'Please don't say you want me to go home. I need you to want me here, because I need to stand up for myself. And I need the confidence you give me.'

Finally, Yukito spoke. “You can stay if you like, Aidousan, I won't make you leave...”

Kagayaki's eyes and mouth opened wide. “Really? You... you would really let me stay here?” 'But do you want me to, or are you just saying that because you feel bad for me?'

“I.. I don't want you to leave...” Kagayaki's eyes shone at this, filling with tears. “I need you, too. Selfish or no... If you're terrible, I'm worse...”

“Thank you, Yuyukun,” he whispered, smiling softly. “Thank you. I don't think you have any idea what that means to me... that you need me...”

But Yukitokun's next words caught him off-guard. “Do you love Cassiechan? Or do you love Yumichan?”

The air caught in his throat. “I... I...” He looked down. “I don't know. I really don't.” He took a deep breath. “And as much as I don't like it, because I'm afraid, I have to go see Yumichan. I have to resolve this. It's making me sick, and sore, and...” He wiped the tears out of his eyes. “I can't stand being a failure anymore. I won't do it anymore.”


-----

Yukito Maki

“You can stay if you like, Aidousan, I won't make you leave...”

A look of pleasant shock crossed his friend's face, “Really? You... you would really let me stay here?”

He nodded. There would be obstacles, but he felt stubborn and weary right now, and that meant he could at least say it and believe it in this moment. “I.. I don't want you to leave...” he admitted. “I need you, too. Selfish or no... If you're terrible, I'm worse...”

“Thank you, Yuyukun,” came the teary smile, whispered gratitude. “Thank you. I don't think you have any idea what that means to me... that you need me...”

He shrugged and looked away, not sure how to respond to that. His thoughts wandered and he found himself asking: “Do you love Cassiechan? Or do you love Yumichan?”

“I... I... I don't know. I really don't. And as much as I don't like it, because I'm afraid, I have to go see Yumichan. I have to resolve this. It's making me sick, and sore, and... I can't stand being a failure anymore. I won't do it anymore.”

Yukito did not know what to say to that, but he knew he should say something supportive, but also honest and actually helpful.

Standing up, he thrust his hands into his pockets and casually wandered to the window, pushing the curtain aside and peering out at the bright world outside.

“You can't have both. Make your decision as quick as you can.” He sighed, “And never regret it. Personally,” here he turned and offered Aidousan a bit of a sad smile, “I'm partial to one more than the other, but it's not my decision.” He chuckled. “It'll be easier than you think. Who you feel is best for you who fits you best. Then who you may want more, who you are best for, and who you think you would be good for.”

He sighed. “Actually, that's not true. It's never easy. But sometimes it feels so right you think you've been cleaned and forgiven everything...” Yukito's face fell, and he placed one hand on the windowsill, his fingertips stirring up a little dust there.

“Don't mix up someone you feel sorry for with someone you love...” he mumbled quietly. “They're not the same... and good luck.”

------

Kagayaki Aidou

Kagayaki watched Yukitokun stand up slowly and put his hands in his pockets, moving over to look out the widnow.

“You can't have both,” he finally said. Kagayaki stiffened. “Make your decision as quick as you can. And never regret it.” Nodding, Kagayaki decided to say nothing at all. Not yet.

“Personally,” Yukitokun continued, looking over and displayed a sad smile. “I'm partial to one more than the other, but it's not my decision.”

Kagayaki showed Yuyukun his own bittersweet smile. “Cassiechan.”

“It'll be easier than you think.” Maybe it was for you. Which one was right for you, you knew. I'm sure. There's one I want who loves me an done I can't let go of who I think will need me more than ever this time. “Who you feel is best for you, who fits you best. Then who you may want more, who you are best for, and who you may think you would be good for.”

Letting out a nervous laugh, Kagayaki put his hand on the back of his sweaty neck, “Yuyukun...there's only two of them, not...” he paused to think, “Not five.” He held up a handful of fingers to show five, then two on the other hand. “See? Not same,” Stop making it sound so easy.

Then Yuyukun sighed, and Kagayaki's smile faded. “Actually, that's not true.” Kagayaki's eyes sparkled at this. So, you do understand. “It's never easy. But sometimes it feels so right you think you've been cleaned and forgiven everything...”

Kagayaki looked away, turning his head sharply. “I've felt like that too many times, Yuyukun. I can't trust what I feel.”

After some silence, Yukitokun spoke again. “Don't mix up someone you feel sorry for with someone you love...they're not the same...”

Staring at his friend, Kagayaki felt his whole body tense up. “I wouldn't toy with anyone like that. I wouldn't say I loved them if I--”

“...and good luck.”

Calming a bit, Kagayaki's eyes fell to the floor. “Thank you.” He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, then pinched the bridge of his nose. His head was pounding and he didn't want to make a fuss just because he hurt. So he said nothing for awhile.

“I...” he finally began after a few minutes, “I'll just have to talk to Yumi, then.” He took a deep breath then let it out. “But not until you do.” Tears filled his eyes, only partially because of his headache. “She...she still loves you. I found out that never changed. Never. And I don't know why I can't let go of her even after knowing she never even loved me...But you need to talk to her. I have to make sure nothing gets in the way of me talking to her. That no one else is involved.”

Not even you.

-----


Yukito Maki

“You can't have both,” Yukito said simply, “Make your decision as quick as you can. And never regret it.” There was a nod from Aidousan. “Personally,” he continued, a sad smile on his face as he glanced over, “I'm partial to one more than the other, but it's not my decision.” A dark chuckle escaped him.

Kagayaki showed his own bittersweet smile. “Cassiechan.”

For a lot of reasons, Aidousan. I know Cassie will be there for you. She's so much like you. But in so many good ways. And besides... I would rest easier if I knew you were with her.

“It'll be easier than you think. Who you feel is best for you, who fits you best. Then who you may want more, who you are best for, and who you may think you would be good for.” Yukito tried to reason. This caused Aidousan to let out a weird sort of laugh.

“Yuyukun...there's only two of them, not...” he paused to think, “Not five.” Aidousan displayed on both hands the different amounts. “See? Not same,”

Then Yuyukun sighed, turning away as he thought on it. “Actually, that's not true. It's never easy. But sometimes it feels so right you think you've been cleaned and forgiven everything...”

Aidousan looked away, turning his head sharply. “I've felt like that too many times, Yuyukun. I can't trust what I feel.”

Yukito stared coldly out the window, his voice tensing up. I couldn't trust how I feel around so many people. I doubt myself all the time. Nothing is ever so easy as I try to make it feel. Feelings are deceitful. “Don't mix up someone you feel sorry for with someone you love...they're not the same...”

He could sense Aidousan bristling. “I wouldn't toy with anyone like that. I wouldn't say I loved them if I--”

“...and good luck.” Yukito cut him off in a low voice, his fingers making patterns in the dust that lay on the windowsill. He didn't raise his eyes to meet his friend's gaze, because he knew Aidousan wouldn't look directly at him. They rarely looked directly at each other, so evasive that even their body language spoke of a strange sort of talent at dancing around what they really wanted to say.

“Thank you.” There was a long length of silence. Yukito kept watching the cars driving by the hotel, feeling distant...feeling removed. While at the same time knowing that he had so much to tackle right now, there was so much he still needed to say.... he wondered again if Erin was out of school yet. He looked around for a clock. Half past one. Still another hour and a half.

“I...” Aidousan began slowly, hesitantly, “I'll just have to talk to Yumi, then.” He took a deep breath then let it out. “But not until you do.” Yukito looked up, confused, to see Aidousan looking torn.

“What?” Why did he have anything to do with Aidousan's attachment to Yumi? Why did everyone want him to meet with her and talk to her?

“She...she still loves you. I found out that never changed. Never. And I don't know why I can't let go of her even after knowing she never even loved me...But you need to talk to her. I have to make sure nothing gets in the way of me talking to her. That no one else is involved.”

Yukito let out a sort of half-hiss, half-sigh, “Pffft...I don't see why everyone seems to think that. Yumi and I were done a long time ago...” He leaned against the glass, his hair bending back into his eyes as he let out a sigh. “But I guess I need to talk to her anyways.” Yukito glanced up towards Aidousan, his eyes flickering back out the window, making his eyes sting with the suddenness of sunlight. “What are you going to tell Yumichan?”

“And why do you mention the whole 'Aidousan' thing?”

-----


Kagayaki Aidou

“I... I'll just have to talk to Yumi, then.” he said, slowly exhaling then inhaling. “But not until you do.”

Yukitokun was clearly confused. “What?”

Kagayaki shook his head. How come everyone saw it but Yuyukun? Honestly. Then again, Kagayaki had heard it right from the source, so it probably seemed more like fact than it was, but still... What was with trying to pretend it wasn't there? Yukito was so silly sometimes... “She...she still loves you. I found out that never changed. Never. And I don't know why I can't let go of her even after knowing she never even loved me...But you need to talk to her. I have to make sure nothing gets in the way of me talking to her. That no one else is involved.”

Making a weird sound, Yukitokun obviously didn't believe him. “Pffft...I don't see why everyone seems to think that. Yumi and I were done a long time ago...” Kagayaki's eyes widened. He really didn't know? He wasn't pretending? What was going on here? Had Yumi told everyone but Yukito clearly? That didn't seem quite right... “But I guess I need to talk to her anyways.” Yukitokun looked at him for a moment, then back at the window. Kagayaki was still in a stage of udder shock. “What are you going to tell Yumichan?”

“Yuyukun,” he said, half-laughing the word. “You honestly didn't know? Come on, cut the crap. Don't tell me that Yumi doesn't still care for you, because she's where I heard it from.” He shook his head, looking away. “Honestly. How come you ignore stuff like this?” Kagayaki pulled his knees up to him and curled into a ball. “How come the girls always chase you but never me?” he asked in a fake pout. “Really. I end up chasing the girls, but they never chase me. You never have to look for girls. They always find you, and by the time you notice it, they're already in love with you. I always have to make the first move, to keep the relationship alive, keep everything together. It's just not fair.” He tried to send Yukitokun a smile but it didn't work out and he ended up frowning. “No, really. It's not fair.”

“And why do you mention the whole 'Aidousan' thing?”

Kagayaki raised an eyebrow. “You were almost as random with that as I was. I mentioned it because you're the only one of my friends from home that still calls me 'Aidousan' all the time. Never 'Kagakun', never even 'Kagayakisan' or 'Kagayakikun'. Always 'Aidousan', like we've only been friends for a little while. And how am I ever suppose to break Erinchan and Cassiechan of the habit if you don't?” This time he managed to smile right, and it came easy. “Please, Yuyukun. I've worked hard to keep you my friend, and I think I deserve some credit for that.” He rocked back and forth, a human boat in his chair. “I'd like you to call me something less formal. Please."

-----


Yukito Maki

“Pffft...I don't see why everyone seems to think that. Yumi and I were done a long time ago....But I guess I need to talk to her anyways. What are you going to tell Yumichan?”

“Yuyukun,” he said, half-laughing the word. “You honestly didn't know? Come on, cut the crap. Don't tell me that Yumi doesn't still care for you, because she's where I heard it from.” He shook his head, looking away. “Honestly. How come you ignore stuff like this?”

Yukito said nothing, just sending his friend a blank look. His eyes darkened as he knew what it was Aidousan was trying to say, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. It would feel too wrong and too pompous. I ignore it because I can't face it.

“How come the girls always chase you but never me?” Aidousan asked, almost desperately, “Really. I end up chasing the girls, but they never chase me. You never have to look for girls. They always find you, and by the time you notice it, they're already in love with you. I always have to make the first move, to keep the relationship alive, keep everything together. It's just not fair.”

“Aidousan....it's not....”

“No, really. It's not fair.”

Yukito's face twisted as he glared at the floor. “Aidousan...they aren't in love with me. They don't chase me. They chase this person they think I am...” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I'm selfish, I'm depressing. I drag people down. The girls come, but they ask me to do things I'm too stupid to know how to do...” He ran his hand absentmindedly across the controls of the air conditioner below the window, his expression mournful. “And I hurt them when I run away, just like this...” He sighed, “Yumi doesn't know me. My mother doesn't know me. They don't really want to. They want that person they think they see.” He felt really tired suddenly, and he let himself sink to the floor, running his hands through his hair as he curled up on the floor, his knees to his chest. “Ugh..Aidousan, don't you see? My own mother wants me to change, wants me to be different than who I am. People don't try to change you. They accept you and like you, and all you do is walk in the room and smile. Then they turn to me and ask 'why aren't you smiling?' and I can't tell them why...I can't smile...” He sighed again, “I wish I had been the one to tell Erin I cared about her first. I wish I had ever had the chance to really chase her. Then she wouldn't always wonder if I love her enough. I wouldn't always feel guilty for not loving her as much as she deserves.” His lips twitched towards a smile, just for a brief instant, and his eyes lost their focus. “But she knows me. She's okay with me just being me. She even said so. Something like, 'if you love someone, you love them for who they are, but you are there for them when they need to be better, and hope the best for them', or something like that. She wants more for me, always. All the time. But she's happy with me how I am.”

For a long moment of silence, he stared off, really just seeing Erin, and wondering what class she was in right at that moment. He wondered why he had never memorized her schedule. He could have done it, he figured. He suddenly remembered something, and looked up to watch Aidousan's face. “And why do you mention the whole 'Aidousan' thing?”

Kagayaki raised an eyebrow. “You were almost as random with that as I was. I mentioned it because you're the only one of my friends from home that still calls me 'Aidousan' all the time. Never 'Kagakun', never even 'Kagayakisan' or 'Kagayakikun'. Always 'Aidousan', like we've only been friends for a little while. And how am I ever suppose to break Erinchan and Cassiechan of the habit if you don't? Please, Yuyukun. I've worked hard to keep you my friend, and I think I deserve some credit for that.” He rocked back and forth in his chair. “I'd like you to call me something less formal. Please.”

Yukito actually tilted his head slightly to one side, considering this for a minute or so. Then he shrugged, “If it means that much to you, Aidous...” he laughed a little. “Kagayaki...san? That sounds weird.”

-----


Kagayaki Aidou

“How come the girls always chase you but never me? Really. I end up chasing the girls, but they never chase me. You never have to look for girls. They always find you, and by the time you notice it, they're already in love with you. I always have to make the first move, to keep the relationship alive, keep everything together. It's just not fair.”

“Aidousan....it's not....”

“No, really. It's not fair.”

Yukitokun glared at the floor, and Kagayaki held his knees close. They were such head-cases. That much was clear from their current situation. “Aidousan...they aren't in love with me. They don't chase me. They chase this person they think I am... I'm selfish, I'm depressing. I drag people down. The girls come, but they ask me to do things I'm too stupid to know how to do...”

“You're not all that. You're a jerk sometimes though.” Kagayaki slipped in with a sort of twisted smile.

“And I hurt them when I run away, just like this...” Yukitokun let out a slow sigh. “Yumi doesn't know me. My mother doesn't know me. They don't really want to. They want that person they think they see.” He watched his friend slink down into a position similar to his own. “Ugh..Aidousan, don't you see? My own mother wants me to change, wants me to be different than who I am. People don't try to change you. They accept you and like you, and all you do is walk in the room and smile.”

“But you of all people should know that's not me.” he hissed. “That's what I do to make people happy, and that's it! I know I shouldn't be that way, but I am, and... and anyway, 'liking' someone and 'loving' them... those are different! Yeah, anyone can accept me, be my friend, but no one ever loves me. They act like they do just to keep the game going, but no one loves me. They just feel bad for me.”

“Then they turn to me and ask 'why aren't you smiling?' and I can't tell them why...I can't smile... I wish I had been the one to tell Erin I cared about her first. I wish I had ever had the chance to really chase her. Then she wouldn't always wonder if I love her enough. I wouldn't always feel guilty for not loving her as much as she deserves. But she knows me. She's okay with me just being me. She even said so. Something like, 'if you love someone, you love them for who they are, but you are there for them when they need to be better, and hope the best for them', or something like that. She wants more for me, always. All the time. But she's happy with me how I am.”

Kagayaki looked down, tears slipping down his nose and falling to the floor. “How come no one feels like that about me? Why does it always have to be me feeling that way for someone else?” He looked up at his friend. “Why do I always have to lose?”

A long time went by and no one said anything. Kagayaki, as upset as he was, selfishly assumed it was because Yukitokun didn't want to talk about it anymore. 'Of course. I understand. I can come halfway across the world for your crap, but when it comes to mine you just tell me to handle it alone, is that it? Don't you get it? I need you. I need you to be there for me. Yes, I know, I wanted you to love Erinchan and be there for Erinchan and make Erinchan happy... but where do I come in? When do I get the smiles and the laughs and the funny comments that mean so much but aren't really thought through? Does Aidousan come into your life picture? Or is it just her? I love her too. She means so much to me. But sometimes I wish you could see how much I wish I meant to you. That you could have more than one special person in your life that you let in. That you could trust me like you trust her. I don't want to be her. I just want some attention too, sometimes. To be important. To mean the world to someone so much they could never turn their back on me. Not because they didn't want to hurt me. But because I mattered so much to them that they never wanted to lose me. Why can't I have that too?'

“And why do you mention the whole 'Aidousan' thing?”

Raising an eyebrow, Kagayaki was pulled from his depressing reverie to be rather taken by surprise by this question. “You were almost as random with that as I was.” he said, then he thought. “I mentioned it because you're the only one of my friends from home that still calls me 'Aidousan' all the time. Never 'Kagakun', never even 'Kagayakisan' or 'Kagayakikun'. Always 'Aidousan', like we've only been friends for a little while. And how am I ever suppose to break Erinchan and Cassiechan of the habit if you don't? Please, Yuyukun. I've worked hard to keep you my friend, and I think I deserve some credit for that. I'd like you to call me something less formal. Please.”

Yukitokun tilted his head to the side a little, and the look of curiosity brightened Kagayaki's mood a little, forcing a small smile on his face that seemed out of place but it wasn't. Yukito shrugged. “If it means that much to you, Aidous...” He cut himself off with a slight laugh. Kagayaki pointed an accusing finger at him.

“Ah-ah-ah-aaaaah! Nope!” he crowed, laughing.

“Kagayaki...san? That sounds weird.”

Kagayaki laughed again. “No it doesn't. It's a mouthful, yes. A waste of breath, yes. Most people just say 'Kagakun'. It works just as good but it doesn't take as much effort.” He sent his friend a wink. “But it'll work all the same. Kagayakisan, Kagayakikun, Kagakun...” Kagayaki paused, looking over at his friend slowly. “Even Kakikun if you want. It's sort of my version of 'Yuyukun', you know. I don't like people calling me that who aren't very important to me. Meaning I won't kill them for it.” He smiled openly, laughing again. “But it's totally up to you. I guess it might have lost some of its fun by me saying you could, so I can pretend I don't like if it you want.” Slowly, Kagayaki sighed, moving over and sitting by his friend.

“When'd we get so messed up, huh? I don't get it. We're so f***** up, it's not even funny.” he said, shaking his head. “How are we going to live like this? Always trying not to talk about things then finally collapsing or...” He sent Yukito a pointed look. “...running away from home, getting a hotel room then tearing it up like a five year old.” Kagayaki laughed again, giving his friend a playful shove. “So, tell me. How do you think Cassie and Erinchan are going to react when they hear you told me I could stay with you here?” He burst into laughter. “They'll think you killed me and stashed me in the bathtub, I bet. It'll be so funny.”

-----


Yukito Maki

“Aidousan...they aren't in love with me. They don't chase me. They chase this person they think I am... I'm selfish, I'm depressing. I drag people down. The girls come, but they ask me to do things I'm too stupid to know how to do...”

“You're not all that. You're a jerk sometimes though.” Kagayaki slipped in with a sort of twisted smile.

“And I hurt them when I run away, just like this...” Yukitokun let out a slow sigh. “Yumi doesn't know me. My mother doesn't know me. They don't really want to. They want that person they think they see. Ugh..Aidousan, don't you see? My own mother wants me to change, wants me to be different than who I am. People don't try to change you. They accept you and like you, and all you do is walk in the room and smile.”

“But you of all people should know that's not me.” Aidousan hissed, “That's what I do to make people happy, and that's it! I know I shouldn't be that way, but I am, and... and anyway, 'liking' someone and 'loving' them... those are different! Yeah, anyone can accept me, be my friend, but no one ever loves me. They act like they do just to keep the game going, but no one loves me. They just feel bad for me.”

Yukito turned to look up at the window again almost longingly, without an answer for that. Quietly he added, “But... then they turn to me and ask 'why aren't you smiling?' and I can't tell them why...I can't smile... I wish I had been the one to tell Erin I cared about her first. I wish I had ever had the chance to really chase her. Then she wouldn't always wonder if I love her enough. I wouldn't always feel guilty for not loving her as much as she deserves. But she knows me. She's okay with me just being me. She even said so. Something like, 'if you love someone, you love them for who they are, but you are there for them when they need to be better, and hope the best for them', or something like that. She wants more for me, always. All the time. But she's happy with me how I am.” His face showed the slightest of smiles, and he wondered where she was at that moment.

Kagayaki looked down, “How come no one feels like that about me? Why does it always have to be me feeling that way for someone else? Why do I always have to lose?”

Yukito sighed, waiting a long time before he answered, “I don't know....” He raised his eyes to Aidousan's face. “And why do you mention the whole 'Aidousan' thing?”

Aidousan arched an eyebrow. “You were almost as random with that as I was. I mentioned it because you're the only one of my friends from home that still calls me 'Aidousan' all the time. Never 'Kagakun', never even 'Kagayakisan' or 'Kagayakikun'. Always 'Aidousan', like we've only been friends for a little while. And how am I ever suppose to break Erinchan and Cassiechan of the habit if you don't? Please, Yuyukun. I've worked hard to keep you my friend, and I think I deserve some credit for that. I'd like you to call me something less formal. Please.”

Yukito tilted his head, curious, and that made Aidousan start to smile. Yukito shrugged. “If it means that much to you, Aidous...” He trailed off and started to laugh, and Aidousan pointed a finger at him.

“Ah-ah-ah-aaaaah! Nope!” he crowed, laughing.

“Kagayaki...san?” Yukito tested the name, “That sounds weird.”

Kagayaki laughed again. “No it doesn't. It's a mouthful, yes. A waste of breath, yes. Most people just say 'Kagakun'. It works just as good but it doesn't take as much effort.” He sent his friend a wink. “But it'll work all the same. Kagayakisan, Kagayakikun, Kagakun... Even Kakikun if you want. It's sort of my version of 'Yuyukun', you know. I don't like people calling me that who aren't very important to me. Meaning I won't kill them for it.” He smiled openly, laughing again. “But it's totally up to you. I guess it might have lost some of its fun by me saying you could, so I can pretend I don't like if it you want.”

Yukito just smiled, thinking on each name. Kagayakisan...Kagayakikun...Kagakun...Kakikun... Aidousan moved to sit next to him, and he looked up, hugging his knees a little tighter.

“When'd we get so messed up, huh? I don't get it. We're so f***** up, it's not even funny.” Aidousan said flippantly. “How are we going to live like this? Always trying not to talk about things then finally collapsing or...” He sent Yukito a pointed look. “...running away from home, getting a hotel room then tearing it up like a five year old.”

Yukito turned his head away so he could stare coldly at the floor, but Aidousan laughed, and sent him a playful shove that almost knocked him over. “So, tell me. How do you think Cassie and Erinchan are going to react when they hear you told me I could stay with you here? They'll think you killed me and stashed me in the bathtub, I bet. It'll be so funny.”

A shrug was the first response, then after a moment a wry smile. “That sounds like a good idea to me....”

“But I didn't run away, exactly...it was technically more of an abrupt moving out kind of a thing...” He set his chin down on his knees, “Dad is back. Back together with mom.”

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

“People don't try to change you. They accept you and like you, and all you do is walk in the room and smile.”

“But you of all people should know that's not me.” he said in a low hiss. If he hadn't been so caught up in the conversation, he would have been surprised by the tone in his voice. “That's what I do to make people happy, and that's it! I know I shouldn't be that way, but I am, and... and anyway, 'liking' someone and 'loving' them... those are different! Yeah, anyone can accept me, be my friend, but no one ever loves me. They act like they do just to keep the game going, but no one loves me. They just feel bad for me.”

“But... then they turn to me and ask 'why aren't you smiling?' and I can't tell them why...I can't smile... I wish I had been the one to tell Erin I cared about her first. I wish I had ever had the chance to really chase her. Then she wouldn't always wonder if I love her enough. I wouldn't always feel guilty for not loving her as much as she deserves. But she knows me. She's okay with me just being me. She even said so. Something like, 'if you love someone, you love them for who they are, but you are there for them when they need to be better, and hope the best for them', or something like that. She wants more for me, always. All the time. But she's happy with me how I am.”

Kagayaki let his face fall. They were talking so much... he was shocked they were letting this much out, letting this much go. “How come no one feels like that about me? Why does it always have to be me feeling that way for someone else? Why do I always have to lose?”

A long time passed. “I don't know....” Yukitokun finally said, breaking the silence. Then he looked over at Kagayaki. “And why do you mention the whole 'Aidousan' thing?”

Raising an eyebrow with confusion, Kagayaki wasn't sure where that came from, but he answered anyway. “You were almost as random with that as I was. I mentioned it because you're the only one of my friends from home that still calls me 'Aidousan' all the time. Never 'Kagakun', never even 'Kagayakisan' or 'Kagayakikun'. Always 'Aidousan', like we've only been friends for a little while. And how am I ever suppose to break Erinchan and Cassiechan of the habit if you don't? Please, Yuyukun. I've worked hard to keep you my friend, and I think I deserve some credit for that. I'd like you to call me something less formal. Please.”

Yukitokun sent him a crooked look, which made Kagayaki smile. “If it means that much to you, Aidous...”

“Ah-ah-ah-aaaaah! Nope!” Kagayaki cried accusingly, pointing at Yukito.

“Kagayaki...san?” he tried. “That sounds weird.”

Kagayaki laughed again. “No it doesn't. It's a mouthful, yes. A waste of breath, yes. Most people just say 'Kagakun'. It works just as good but it doesn't take as much effort. But it'll work all the same. Kagayakisan, Kagayakikun, Kagakun... Even Kakikun if you want. It's sort of my version of 'Yuyukun', you know. I don't like people calling me that who aren't very important to me. Meaning I won't kill them for it. But it's totally up to you. I guess it might have lost some of its fun by me saying you could, so I can pretend I don't like if it you want.”

A smile slipped onto Yukito's face, and Kagayaki sat beside his friend with a sigh. “When'd we get so messed up, huh? I don't get it. We're so f***** up, it's not even funny. How are we going to live like this? Always trying not to talk about things then finally collapsing or...” He looked over at Yukitokun in a way he was sure his friend wouldn't miss. “...running away from home, getting a hotel room then tearing it up like a five year old.” He saw Yukito closing himself off again, so he laughed and sent the younger boy a powerful – put playful – shove. “So, tell me. How do you think Cassie and Erinchan are going to react when they hear you told me I could stay with you here? They'll think you killed me and stashed me in the bathtub, I bet. It'll be so funny.”

Kagayaki saw a strange smile cross Yukitokun's face. “That sounds like a good idea to me....”

His mouth fell open in fake-shock and he shoved Yukito again, but he found himself laughing. “Hey!”

“But I didn't run away, exactly...it was technically more of an abrupt moving out kind of a thing...” Yukito began, and Kagayaki's face calmed as he watched Yukitokun with a soft gaze. He was opening up, and Kagayaki was ready to listen. “Dad is back. Back together with mom.”

Sighing, Kagayaki looked down at the floor. “Wow. That sucks.” He looked up and ruffled Yukito's hair a little. “Now you know how I feel.” he said, teasingly. Then he paused, ruffling his friend's hair some more, but slower this time. A smile slipped onto his face. “How come your hair is so much cooler than mine, eh?” He laughed, still fingering Yukito's head. “How come the world is so unfair when you're around?”


-----


Yukito Maki

“So, tell me. How do you think Cassie and Erinchan are going to react when they hear you told me I could stay with you here? They'll think you killed me and stashed me in the bathtub, I bet. It'll be so funny.”

“That sounds like a good idea to me....”Yukito said with a smile. Aidousan's jaw dropped in a feigned look of dismay. He received a shove for his comment, and another laugh from Aidousan.

“Hey!”

Yukito chuckled, until his face fell solemn once again. “But I didn't run away, exactly...it was technically more of an abrupt moving out kind of a thing...Dad is back. Back together with mom.”

Aidousan sighed. “Wow. That sucks.” He looked up and ruffled Yukito's hair a little, making the boy cringe, a grimace on his lips. “Now you know how I feel.”

There was a pause. Aidousan hesitated, then started ruffling his hair even more. Yukito frowned, his lips pouting. “How come your hair is so much cooler than mine, eh?”

Yukito stuck his tongue out at Aidousan. “Because I'm awesome like that. And because I let mine grow out, you fuzz-head.”

“How come the world is so unfair when you're around?”

At this, his expression darkened. “Because I make it that way, I suppose...I'm so good at ruining things. Most of the time I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't around anymore...” He sighed and dropped his chin to his knees again, huddled close into the fetal position. “I don't know what else to do but leave home, Kagasan...she's never going to change how it goes, and I can't stick around to protect her from herself anymore.”

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

“But I didn't run away, exactly...it was technically more of an abrupt moving out kind of a thing...Dad is back. Back together with mom.”

Kagayaki sighed at this, admitting that it sucked but ruffling his friend's hair, saying: “Now you know how I feel.” Then he realized just how much fun it was to feel Yukitokun's hair between his fingers. “How come your hair is so much cooler than mine, eh?”

Yukito responded by stucking his tongue out, which Kagayaki gladly did in return. “Because I'm awesome like that. And because I let mine grow out, you fuzz-head.”

He laughed. “Well, I was going to go long, but I have something in mind that means making my hair short again and dying it. But shhh, you can't tell anyone.” he said, putting a finger to his lips. Then he leaned against the wall. “How come the world is so unfair when you're around?”

This made Yukito's smile fade, and Kagayaki didn't like that. “Because I make it that way, I suppose...I'm so good at ruining things. Most of the time I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't around anymore...” Yukitokun sighed and laid his chin on his knees. Kagayaki frowned.

“Don't talk like that. I need you, Yuyukun. Home got miserable when you left. I know what's its like when you're not around anymore. It sucks.”

“I don't know what else to do but leave home, Kagasan...she's never going to change how it goes, and I can't stick around to protect her from herself anymore.”

Kagayaki nodded. “I know the feeling,” he sighed, hugging his knees again. “There comes a point when you just have to do what's best for you, right? I'm learning that, and it's not as easy as everyone makes it look.” He half-smiled at his friend. “But I think, if we stick together, we'll make it through okay. Even if the girls ditch us until we 'come to our senses'.” He stuck his tongue out, made a psychotic face, and circled his finger around his ear to show he was sure they would think he was crazy. Then he shook his head and smiled softly, looking over at Yukito. “We'll be okay. Promise. And our mom's will be okay too. I just don't know when. But that's okay. We're working on it. Together.”

'And don't you dare think of going it alone. I won't let you. Because I'm not strong enough to do it alone, and I won't let you abandon me again. I have to be stronger, and that means not letting you push me around. Because I think you want someone who won't let you shake them. That's why you love Erinchan, isn't it? I can do that. I need to do that anyway.'

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

“How come the world is so unfair when you're around?”

Yukito's smile faded away, “Because I make it that way, I suppose...I'm so good at ruining things. Most of the time I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't around anymore...” He sighed and laid his chin on his knees. I ruined so many things already...I hurt Erin so many times...but she still loves me. He closed his eyes, remembering when he had told her about Natalie, about finding her. How he had cried, and she had just held him. She still loves me. And she's okay with me being so messed up.

“Don't talk like that. I need you, Yuyukun. Home got miserable when you left. I know what's its like when you're not around anymore. It sucks.” Yukito opened one eye at his friend, a slightly disbelieving look on his face. Miserable? What a strange thing to say. But he knew Kagayaki. He wanted to make Yukito feel better, in his own way.

He let out another sigh, staring at the floor and pulling himself into a tightly wound ball on the floor, “I don't know what else to do but leave home, Kagasan...she's never going to change how it goes, and I can't stick around to protect her from herself anymore.” She'll never accept the change that we need.

~

“Yukito!”

“No, mom!” he screamed at her, “I'm not gonna stick around for this s***. Not this time.” Yukito slammed the bedroom door shut, rushing his task of packing a few vital things in his bag so much as to make him drop most of it the first time anyway. No tears fell. He wasn't hurt. Not this time. But his eyes stung and his throat ached.

“Yukito, you don't understand. It's different this time. He's different -” he heard her sobbing.“He is sorry for what he did to you. But he wants to make it better.”

“You can't make it better!” he opened the door and glared at her, his face stoic save for the furious look in his eyes. The bitter look. The anger and betrayal flashing there. He went to the door to put his shoes on, and she clung to his shoulder, trying to stop him.

“Yukito, please...”

He shoved her hand away, his jaw set. Standing up, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and watching with a dark glare sent her way, dropped the phone to the floor. “There's no room for both of us in your life, mom. You can't take away what happened..” he drew in a shuddering breath, the heat rising through his body, infuriating him with the adrenaline rush of leaving. For real this time. “You've already made your choice. Now deal with it.”

~

Kagayaki nodded. “I know the feeling,” he sighed, hugging his knees again. “There comes a point when you just have to do what's best for you, right? I'm learning that, and it's not as easy as everyone makes it look.” He half-smiled at his friend. Yukito gave the slightest of nods. Yeah....

“But I think, if we stick together, we'll make it through okay. Even if the girls ditch us until we 'come to our senses'.” Kagayaki made a gesture to indicate insaity, smiling. “We'll be okay. Promise. And our mom's will be okay too. I just don't know when. But that's okay. We're working on it. Together.”

Yukito didn't say anything for a moment. He wanted to tell Kagayaki how much he wished his mother had reached for his arm one more time, and instead of telling him, “Please, give him a chance.” that she had promised to protect him, like she had been trying to do before. But how could he expect her to play as a shield for him? Forever? No, it was time to move on and handle things for himself. Even if that meant running all the time.

“This place is a mess...” he pointed out, looking around the room as if he had just seen it for the first time.

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

“Don't talk like that. I need you, Yuyukun. Home got miserable when you left. I know what's its like when you're not around anymore. It sucks.” Kagayaki said, fervently. 'I don't want to leave, not just because of Cassiechan. Because I didn't ask Cassiechan so much if she wanted me to be here. I came to you, sort of because you're usually so honest, but mostly because I need you to need me like I need you. That sounds so confusing... but not as confusing as it is to me. I mean... isn't it silly how much I need you around? How I make so many mistakes and get so depressed when you're gone? What if they were right? What if it just isn't normal? What if there's something wrong with how much I care about you?'

“I don't know what else to do but leave home, Kagasan...she's never going to change how it goes, and I can't stick around to protect her from herself anymore.”

Kagayaki smiled gently, leaning back until he was looking up at the ceiling. “I just hope she learns to protect herself, if you're not exaggerating how dangerous he can be.” He looked over at his friend. “I don't understand why you hate him so much, though. I mean, I know he's a bad person. But I don't know why, and you never told me... I guess we never really had that trust?” Kagayaki bit the inside of his lip, unable to look away from Yukitokun's face. “I don't understand.” Then he sighed and nodded. “But I know the feeling. There comes a point when you just have to do what's best for you, right? I'm learning that, and it's not as easy as everyone makes it look. But I think, if we stick together, we'll make it through okay. Even if the girls ditch us until we 'come to our senses'.” Kagayaki tried to make light of this by making a look that hinted towards how crazy they would think him and Yukito were. But he couldn't get away from how strange that sounded. He hoped Yukito wouldn't take it the wrong way... he was so touchy on that subject. Kagayaki knew that well. “We'll be okay. Promise. And our mom's will be okay too. I just don't know when. But that's okay. We're working on it. Together.”

“This place is a mess...” Yukito finally said, looking around the room as if with a new light. Kagayaki laughed half-heartedly, nodding.

“So are we,” he replied, sighing. “Do you want to clean it up, or just sit here and gawk?” He sent Yukito a wink. “I'm with you, either way.”

'For more than I really know. I want to help you feel better, because it helps me so much. I'm with you on just about anything. You want to go skydiving? Okay, scary, but I'm with you. You want to run away and disappear for a while to somewhere no one can find you? I'm with you, wherever it takes us. You want to go and marry Erinchan? Just as long as you two don't go far away from me, I'll help you get there. But I wish things could be easier, for both of us. So I could be more helpful, maybe.'

------

Yukito Maki

“I just hope she learns to protect herself, if you're not exaggerating how dangerous he can be. I don't understand why you hate him so much, though. I mean, I know he's a bad person. But I don't know why, and you never told me... I guess we never really had that trust?” Yukito didn't say anything to this, just staring forward yet again. He didn't know if it was about trust with Aidousan. Maybe it was. But he had always thought it worked out this way – with neither of them actually asking what was the real problem, and just letting each other know in their strange way that it was going to be alright somehow. To help each other keep going even if things sucked.

“I don't understand. But I know the feeling. There comes a point when you just have to do what's best for you, right? I'm learning that, and it's not as easy as everyone makes it look. But I think, if we stick together, we'll make it through okay. Even if the girls ditch us until we 'come to our senses'.” Aidousan tried to cheer him up with a smile and a gesture, but Yukito couldn't find enough reason to force a smile back at him. “We'll be okay. Promise. And our mom's will be okay too. I just don't know when. But that's okay. We're working on it. Together.”

As his way of changing a subject, he looked around the room as if he just realized where he was. “This place is a mess...” he commented simply.

“So are we,” Kagayaki laughed again, then let out a sigh.“Do you want to clean it up, or just sit here and gawk?” He winked at Yukito, “I'm with you, either way.”

“Well, why don't you do it for me, then?” Yukito asked, staring with a stoic expression at Aidousan for approximately four seconds before one edge of his lips twitched up, his repressed smile peering through. His fingers found the edge of a pillow and he thwacked Aidousan across the head with it, “Your mom is the clean freak, after all.”

Make me feel like it might be okay. Help me forget everything, Aidousan.

Kagasan.

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

“I don't understand. But I know the feeling. There comes a point when you just have to do what's best for you, right? I'm learning that, and it's not as easy as everyone makes it look. But I think, if we stick together, we'll make it through okay. Even if the girls ditch us until we 'come to our senses'. We'll be okay. Promise. And our mom's will be okay too. I just don't know when. But that's okay. We're working on it. Together.”

'Why does it feel so strange to say that? We've been friends for a so long... why would anything feel different now? We're just friends... I don't want it to be anything else... right? Ugh, that's so stupid! Just stop it! Stop it now!'

Thankfully, Yukitokun changed the subject. “This place is a mess...”

“So are we. Do you want to clean it up, or just sit here and gawk?” Sending a wink to his friend, he couldn't ignore how weird it felt. But he didn't have to say anything. “I'm with you, either way.”

'What's that voice in my head that keeps getting me to say awkward things like that! Stop it!'

“Well, why don't you do it for me, then?” Knowing Yukito, he'd expected the smile, but not the pillow that found its way to Kagayaki's head. “Your mom is the clean freak, after all.” Letting out a little laugh and a little cry, Kagayaki grabbed another pillow and fought back with one fell swoop.

“You were the one that always got me in trouble by telling me I should stick curry under the tatami mats!” he cried in response, sticking his tongue out. “Anyway, I'm not my okaasan.” He laughed. “But some people might get you and yours confused!” He ducked, because he knew the pillow would come back for another swing at his head for that one.

'See, Yukito? This is why I missed you so much when you left. Sometimes you and I were so far apart, but there were still times when it was like we could just relax and be together. Kind of like brothers. You and I would go crazy if we stayed apart too long. That's why, after all we've done to each other, neither of us can leave for good. We just can't.'

'I need you, you need me, and we need to be able to just forget what's bothering us for a while. It's only fair, right?'

-----

Yukito Maki

“Well, why don't you do it for me, then?” Yukito teased, tossing his pillow at Kagayaki's head and smirking, his response to the question of who would clean up the hotel room. “Your mom is the clean freak, after all.” Kagayaki did that weird sound he did when he was horsing around, one that always irritated Yukito in a way, and the younger boy received a hit on the head by Kagayaki's pillow, sending his hair into a frenzied state of ultra-static. “Hey!” he protested, reaching for him again but not reaching far enough.

“You were the one that always got me in trouble by telling me I should stick curry under the tatami mats!” he cried in response, sticking his tongue out. Yukito rolled his eyes.

“It did make it smell better. So your mother is just a stiff. Not up for any new options or enterprises. That isn't my fault.”

“Anyway, I'm not my okaasan.” He laughed, defending himself instead of his beloved mother for once. “But some people might get you and yours confused!” Yukito's jaw dropped, looking disgusted at Kagayaki's remark. With a growl he sent the pillow back at Kagayaki, and when the older boy missed, he kept coming back with back-to-back unplanned swings, determined to hit him good for that one.

“I do not look like a girl!” he argued, but he was sure that he did look somewhat feminine. It wasn't his fault...it was the stupid genes. “And at least I don't dress like one!” After a few more smacks, Yukito grew tired of the elementary pillow fight - entertaining as it was to picture them – and flopped down onto the bed, sighing. After a moment he voiced, “Hey, Kagasan. You want to hire some hit men to assassinate my dad?” It's mostly his fault, after all. That I'm so weird with everyone. It's because I work so hard against him that I can do something as simple as a pillow fight. Even if it feels strange all the time and awkward. Like walking out into the middle of a dark room and knowing there is something there, but only being able to prepare in case they come after you.

-----

Kagayaki Aidou

“You were the one that always got me in trouble by telling me I should stick curry under the tatami mats!”

“It did make it smell better. So your mother is just a stiff. Not up for any new options or enterprises. That isn't my fault.”

“Anyway, I'm not my okaasan. But some people might get you and yours confused!” Knowing Yukito wouldn't let that one slide easily, Kagayaki ducked and evaded the main blow, but couldn't escape the flurry of pillow-ness that came at his head. He laughed wildly but said nothing in his defense. It was a running joke between them and he felt no shame.

“I do not look like a girl! And at least I don't dress like one!”

Kagayaki's mouth fell open, and even though he was laughing, he felt the need to defend himself, both with a pillow and with words. “Hey, that's not fair! I only did that for a couple months when I was ten. Bright colors do not equal girls. See emo girls.”

But their bout of pillow fighting was soon over and they fell back against their beds. Yukitokun sighed, making Kagayaki look over at him. 'There's nothing wrong with our relationship, is there, Yukitokun? We're not strange for being so close, are we? We aren't, right? We're fine, aren't we?' “Hey, Kagasan. You want to hire some hit men to assassinate my dad?”

Shrugging, Kagayaki laid back again. “No, because I have enough trouble trying to get rid of my own.” Looking over again, he sighed. “Whatever. I know he's just trying to screw things up for me.”

'He doesn't care about me. But you do, don't you Yukitokun? Not like that, but still. You care about my happiness more than any other guy in the world. Do you know how much that means to me? Do you?'

-----

Yukito Maki

The smack he gave Kagayaki with the white pillow in his hands was self-satisfactory after about a dozen blows. “I do not look like a girl! And at least I don't dress like one!”

Kagayaki's mouth fell open, giving Yukito a moment to hit him another one in the face, a result of standing there stupidly with his mouth hanging open. But of course he would fight back. “Hey, that's not fair! I only did that for a couple months when I was ten. Bright colors do not equal girls. See emo girls.”

Yukito rolled his eyes at the emo girl comment, then gave his friend a skeptical look. “Wait...what are you talking about?” He realized what Kagasan had said, then found himself laughing loud and hard enough to hurt his stomach, “Ahh...I think I understand now. That's just wonderful, Aidousan...”

The pillow fight kicked back up again for a few minutes, but soon enough Yukito grew tired of it, calling an unofficial truce by flopping onto the bed, Kagasan mimicking the movement. He let out a sigh, unable to keep his mind from drifting back to the drama of the week.“Hey, Kagasan. You want to hire some hit men to assassinate my dad?”

He glanced over to see a shrug from his friend, “No, because I have enough trouble trying to get rid of my own.” For some reason, that made Yukito smile a little. Sometimes they were a lot alike. “Whatever. I know he's just trying to screw things up for me.”

Yukito just grunted in response, mostly to let Kagasan know he had heard him and understood. They were quiet for awhile, and he felt his eyes aching to close, and reluctantly he let them. I'm tired, Kagasan. It's quiet here, and it's easier to deal with when it's just you and me. I don't have to worry about telling you anything I don't feel like telling. Thanks for being there without suffocating me. He fell asleep without realizing it, and it was a little deeper than usual, allowing him to actually get some sort of rest from it.

-----


Kagayaki Aidou

“I do not look like a girl! And at least I don't dress like one!”

Kagayaki felt his jaw drop. Bad idea, because Yukito hit him right in the face, which actually really hurt, but Kagayaki didn't tell him that; he only hit him back. “Hey, that's not fair! I only did that for a couple months when I was ten. Bright colors do not equal girls. See emo girls.”

As expected, Yukito's initial reaction was to roll his eyes. Then he paused and Kagayaki realized what he'd just said. “Wait...what are you talking about?”

“Um... yeah, ignore that first part, Yukitokun...” he muttered, blushing profusely and covering his face. Yukitokun burst into uncontrollable laughter and Kagayaki curled up close to himself, hugging his knees. “Hey...” 'I did that because I was hurt, Yukitokun... I did that because I didn't like what I was, and I wanted to be something else. You don't know that, so I can't expect you to, but... stop laughing... I love your laugh, I do, but please don't laugh at me... not for this...'

“Ahh...I think I understand now. That's just wonderful, Aidousan...”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Kagayaki said, a bit off-the-handle, smiling a pasted smile before burying his face in his knees. Yukito threw himself back on the bed, and, realizing this meant it was over, Kagayaki followed suit. A long sigh from Yukito meant he was thinking about something. “Hey, Kagasan. You want to hire some hit men to assassinate my dad?”

Kagayaki shrugged a bit. “No, because I have enough trouble trying to get rid of my own.” He saw Yukitokun smiling. “What?” Then he shrugged again. “Whatever. I know he's just trying to screw things up for me.” Yukito made a bit of a 'un' sound, so Kagayaki knew his friend wasn't going to talk much more. “Anyway, Yukitokun, there's something I need to talk to you about, and if I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will...” He folded his hands behind his head, not realizing that Yukito had already dozed off at this point. “I'm sorry about this weird feeling between us lately. I know it's not just because you never liked me close to you... like... physically... and now we're pretty much sharing a room, and... Yukitokun, I need to tell you why I've been acting so weird--” He looked over, realizing that his friend was asleep. Kagayaki smiled softly. He leaned a little closer to Yukito's bed, his voice dropping to a whisper: “I know you better than lots of other people, Yukito, and I know that Saikochan means the world to you... I feel the same way about Cassiechan... but...” He swallowed, keeping his resolve even though he was sure Yukito couldn't hear him. He slept like a rock. But he could at least feel like he'd said it aloud.

“You... you kind of mean a lot to me... and... and I know you won't like that. You'd probably be mad or something if you were awake right now, but...” Kagayaki shifted on his bed, laying down again, facing the other bed. “I don't know how I do it so that it doesn't stop me from loving someone else. But you always have a different part of me, Yukito. You never have to know about this. That's okay. I guess I just needed to admit that it wasn't love, but... it's definitely not like how I feel about anyone else.” Sighing and closing his eyes, Kagayaki felt sleep coming to him too. “And I... I like it that way, Yukito. It doesn't bother me at all. Because, if no one knows about it, they can't take it away from me, right?” he whispered, his voice fading out as he fell asleep. “I need you, Yukito... I do...”


This interaction is over. ^_^

[GGJ5]

OOC: gonna post the email interaction so far and then reply, if that's okay.... (: BIC:

Erin Spenser

Immediately upon the final bell of the day, Erin flipped open her phone, sure enough to find a message from Yukito waiting for her. But this was a voice message. He called me during class, she thought absently, only because their usual means was texting when she was in class. It's not like he doesn't know the schedule...

She pressed the green button that played the voice mail and kept the phone expectantly to her ear, but the only thing he told her was, “Hey, Erin. Just wanted to let you know my...my phone is out of whack.. Uh...call me back at this number when you can, okay? Room number 215, I think. And...uh..." He'd stopped again, and she could hear his sighing. “I love you, Erin...”

Erin's eyebrows knitted. She didn't like his tone. Or really the message in general. It didn't sit right at all, and it kind of made a knot build in her stomach. Oh, stop it, his phone's spazzing, that's what he told you so it's true, so just call him back and get over it. But still...

Erin halted outside, sitting on one of the cement benches in the school commons, and immediately called back the phone Yukito was using.

And also immediately it made sense. Or at least the room number. He was calling from a hotel. What the crap, Yukito? What are you doing?

Once she'd been connected to his... room... Erin didn't even bother to say hello. "Yukito, what's going on? Where are you? I thought you said your phone was messed up, but-- Yukito...?"

The knot in her stomach was back in full force.

--

Yukito Maki

He woke up with a start when the phone started to ring, shaking from his head all memories of the blissful dark dreams he'd been experiencing. Most of them involving him with a certain female on one arm and a pretty large automatic in the other, the business end pointed towards his sworn enemy. If he had remembered, he would have decided to stop watching James Bond movies, but as it was, he was sleepy and uncertain. Yukito sat up to stare accusingly at the phone, still letting out an annoying, shrill sound every few seconds. I miss my phone already. He reached over and answered it, still groggy from sleep when he managed to mumble, "Yeah?" Yukito searched the room for Kagasan, but saw no sign of him. Weird...I wonder where he went.

"Yukito, what's going on? Where are you? I thought you said your phone was messed up, but-- Yukito...?" Erin's voice was full of concern, and Yukito let out a sigh as he slammed his palm against his forehead.

"Ah...sorry if I worried you." He really didn't remember what he had said on her answering machine, but he was sure it wasn't reassuring. He had always been such a bad liar. "I'm fine, no injuries, no broken bones, no warrants for my arrest, okay? I'm just staying at the hotel for the time being." He paused, then suddenly added, "Has my mother called you or anything? If she does, I...don't want her to know where I am." It felt stupid to ask Erin to do something like that. Like he was over-dramatizing something so insignificant. Like it was all some hormone-driven deal that could have been maturely discussed instead of avoided.

"I can't go home right now. Erin..." he waited a moment, working his lip.

The words sounded so final and solemn with the tone he used. So often they could have been cheerful words, not dreaded. But they hadn't been good words since he was little and stupid.

"My dad is back."

--

Erin Spenser

"Yukito, what's going on?" Erin started as soon as she heard him pick up. "Where are you? I thought you said your phone was messed up, but-- Yukito...?"

"Ah...sorry if I worried you."

She frowned at that. Of course, you worried me. "Yeah, um, just a little. Explain, please?"

"I'm fine, no injuries, no broken bones, no warrants for my arrest, okay? I'm just staying at the hotel for the time being." She didn't release her frown at his words-- she didn't like his tone. "Why?" she asked warily.

"Has my mother called you or anything?"

"No, why should she?" Yukito, I don't like this game...

"If she does, I...don't want her to know where I am."

"Yukito," she insisted pointedly. "Stop it and just talk to me!"

"I can't go home right now. Erin..."

"Why? Yukito, what happened?" The urgency and worry in her voice couldn't be clouded by the phone. Did he know how worried he could make her? It was still such a weird feeling to feel that way, however authentic it was.

"My dad is back."

Erin's eyes widened, imagining the implications of the simple statement. Her loathing of the person that dared to hurt Yukito rose to the surface again, and she found herself demanding, "What do you mean, back? Back as in in the country or back as in in your house? How could she let him back in your house?! Yukito! Does he know where you are?" she found herself asking, despite the illogical sound of that question. Of course he didn't know, that's why she wasn't supposed to tell his mother. "Are you okay? What happened? Where are you? I swear to God I won't tell a soul. I'm coming over there." Her decision was final, and she didn't even question what if he objected. Erin started toward the student parking lot to bum a ride from a friend. "I'm coming right now."

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

He immediately regretted his phone call when he heard the sound in her voice. But he was very, very glad he hadn't tried to explain through a voicemail. He was sure she would have reacted in a scary, semi-legal way or something. Yukito reassured her of the usual questions his mother wanted to know - 'Is anybody bleeding?' 'Will this get you sent to a juvenile prison?' and the like. It was an honest story, but usually got only laughs from people he explained the source to. "I'm fine, no injuries, no broken bones, no warrants for my arrest, okay? I'm just staying at the hotel for the time being."

"Why?" she asked warily. He didn't really answer her, instead, he asked if his mother had called her, while she was still on the forefront of his mind. "No, why should she?" Erin's voice sounded irritated and impatient, but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to really explain it all quickly enough that she would get the whole story before interrupting - or at least get the gist of the story before she called the cops or something.

"If she does, I...don't want her to know where I am."

"Yukito," she snapped, "Stop it and just talk to me!"

Stop what? He thought stupidly for a moment, then added, "I can't go home right now. Erin..."

"Why? Yukito, what happened?"

He sighed. She didn't get it. But he had to remind himself that it wasn't so easy for her to understand as it was for him to - he knew everything, after all. "My dad is back," he stated simply.

A long pause over the phone that worried him a lot more than a thousand shouted words and curses. Erin..

"What do you mean, back? Back as in in the country or back as in in your house? How could she let him back in your house?! Yukito! Does he know where you are?"

He frowned deeply, having expected the questions but now stumped as to how to answer. Or which to answer first. "As in, he wants to move back with us. Erin, he's been seeing my mom most nights for months now."

"Are you okay? What happened? Where are you? I swear to God I won't tell a soul. I'm coming over there. I'm coming right now." Her worried tone made him smile. I love you.

"Calm down, Erin. I'm fine, okay? He's back to his old tricks. Like a dumb dog or something. Mom was trying to have this whole stupid 'sit-down' thing to talk things out. She gave me **** about psychology and repentance, people changing by forgiveness and all that ****. So I ran off. And I left my cell so they couldn't call me." A pause, "Only Kagasan knows besides you. I'm at the Hotel New Orleans. At least, that's what I think it's called... Do you want me to come pick you up? I would've been there when you got out, but I fell asleep..."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"My dad is back," came Yukito's frank explanation.

She halted, the meaning behind his voice sinking in. "What do you mean, back? Back as in in the country or back as in in your house? How could she let him back in your house?! Yukito! Does he know where you are?"

"As in, he wants to move back with us."

"What the hell? No!"

"Erin, he's been seeing my mom most nights for months now."

"What?!" It felt like all appreciation and affection for his mother flew out the door that instant. "Are you okay? What happened? Where are you? I swear to God I won't tell a soul. I'm coming over there. I'm coming right now." She'd strode over as fast as a walk could take her as she talked until Erin was standing in the parking lot. She gestured to a girl from her English class who was opening her car door, and mouthed, Can you take me?

She got a nod and scrambled in the car as Yukito was saying,
"Calm down, Erin. I'm fine, okay? He's back to his old tricks. Like a dumb dog or something. Mom was trying to have this whole stupid 'sit-down' thing to talk things out. She gave me **** about psychology and repentance, people changing by forgiveness and all that ****. So I ran off. And I left my cell so they couldn't call me." A pause on the part of both of them, Erin feeling more lost and helpless than she could remember. ow could this happen? How could it happen to him? What was he going to do- what were they doing to do?

"Only Kagasan knows besides you. I'm at the Hotel New Orleans. At least, that's what I think it's called... Do you want me to come pick you up? I would've been there when you got out, but I fell asleep..."

"No, it's fine, Yukito, I already got a ride." She relayed the location to Sabrina, her impromptu ride. "I told you I'm on my way."

~~

It didn't take her long to get there, actually, being in the early afternoon, and Erin showered Sabrina with her gratitude before scrambling up the stairs to find Yukito's room. Crap, what was the number? What was it?! 205, 250, 251.... WHERE ARE YOU? There isn't even a room 251, idiot... 215!

She tried the door, but, stupid, they automatically lock in hotels.... "Yukito, it's me!"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"Erin, he's been seeing my mom most nights for months now."

"What?!" Erin's utter shock allowed him a little breath. He'd known for awhile that his father had been around - he knew he wouldn't just go away after that day Erin and him had seen him - but somehow he'd been able to wish away thoughts of him until recently. After all, his father had been really careful about not running into him. "Are you okay? What happened? Where are you? I swear to God I won't tell a soul. I'm coming over there. I'm coming right now."

He smiled at her concern. "Calm down, Erin. I'm fine, okay? He's back to his old tricks. Like a dumb dog or something. Mom was trying to have this whole stupid 'sit-down' thing to talk things out. She gave me **** about psychology and repentance, people changing by forgiveness and all that ****. So I ran off. And I left my cell so they couldn't call me."

There was a moment of silence over the phone. Yukito could hear noises in the background, but Erin was quiet. What was there left to add? He strained to focus on what he needed to relate to her. "Only Kagasan knows besides you. I'm at the Hotel New Orleans. At least, that's what I think it's called... Do you want me to come pick you up? I would've been there when you got out, but I fell asleep..."

"No, it's fine, Yukito, I already got a ride." He listened as Erin gave directions to someone near her. Yukito frowned - it meant someone else knew where he was. Someone he didn't know. But there was nothing to do about it now. "I told you I'm on my way."

He smiled again. "I love you, Erin. I'll see you soon."

~~

Yukito had tried to clean up a little in the hotel room, but he hadn't been all the way through the mess he had made before when there came a jiggling at the knock, making goosebumps rise on Yukito's arms for a moment before he heard, "Yukito, it's me!"

Kicking aside the wadded-up blankets, the mysteriously-appearing emptied box of tissues, and the bag with half of its contents sticking out, he opened up the door smiling at her. "Yo," he started to step aside for her to come in, but somehow ended up stepping out enough to wrap his arms around her and kiss her before she could really greet him properly. "Come on in."

"Eh..." he prodded some of the liter with his toe, "Sorry about the mess. It's a long story." He kept his arm wrapped around hers as he led her in, ensuring everything was locked before turning from the door. For some reason, having Erin here put him in a much more optimistic mood. "How's your head feeling?" Since the pool session, he had started making a habit of asking about her head and the dizziness she had taken forever to tell him about. "What about the dizziness?"

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

Of course the door was locked. "Yukito, it's me!"

To Erin's surprise, Yukito looked actually happy--or at least, he was smiling-- when he opened the door to her. And seeing him okay like that washed her over in relief. "Yo." Before Erin could step inside, he'd stepped out enough to pull her into a hug, and before she could really say anything, he gave her a kiss. "Come on in," he told her then, and Erin followed directly into the little hotel room.

It was a mess already. "God, Yukito, what did you do to it?" she muttered with a smiling expression as she stepped around the assortment of stuff about the floor.

"Eh..." he prodded some of the litter with his toe. "Sorry about the mess. It's a long story."

"Right," Erin responded somewhat doubtfully, still smiling at how he kept so close to her as he walked with her into the room. Was he really living here? Erin wondered as she glanced around. How long was he gonna stay? How was he going to pay for it? What about them?

"How's your head feeling?" Yukito asked her, for what already felt like the millionth time. Two times would have probably felt like a million, though, and Erin tried to resist the urge to roll her eyes. "It's fine, Yukito..." She sat down in the center of a bed Indian-style after pulling off her shoes. I'm not the one whose life might be falling apart, Yukito, please don't pretend it's about me this time... Anyway, her response was the truth-- it was fine at the moment.

"What about the dizziness?"

"Yukito," Erin responded singularly, giving him a look. "Please. I'm fine, okay? Can you please let me worry about you for a minute?" A smile started to raise the corners of her mouth. "Come sit." She gestured to the place next to her. Then the questions started, and they sped up with each one, leaving him less and less room to answer immediately.

"When did all this happen? Why would she even let him in? What happened? How long will you be here? Isn't it expensive? What are you gonna to for food and gas and stuff? I can bring you groceries here if you want. Are you gonna be here all alone? How long? Do you want me to get anything from your house for you? Do you want your phone? Do you want a new one? You can have mine if you want it. Are you sure you're okay? Did anything happen? Do you want me to do anything?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

He greeted her with an over-eager kiss, leading her into the hotel room. "God, Yukito, what did you do to it?" she muttered with a smile, indicating the cluttered state of the place.

"Eh..." he prodded some of the litter with his toe. "Sorry about the mess. It's a long story."

"Right," was all she said. He started his usual rounds of asking how her head was as she made herself comfortable on the bed - how did she know which one was his and that the other was not? It was automatic. His was the farthest from the door, too. She pulled off her shoes as he asked about her dizziness.

"Yukito," Erin responded singularly, giving him a look. "Please. I'm fine, okay? Can you please let me worry about you for a minute?"

He shrugged, "Sure, if you want...."

A smile started to raise the corners of her mouth. "Come sit."

He smiled, his shoulders drooping in defeat as he sauntered to the bed next to her. Like a switch had just been flicked, the questions came rumbling in a tumult of mingled words.

"When did all this happen? Why would she even let him in?"

"Well, I --" He smiled when she cut him off unawares.

"What happened? How long will you be here? Isn't it expensive? What are you gonna to for food and gas and stuff? I can bring you groceries here if you want. Are you gonna be here all alone? How long? Do you want me to get anything from your house for you? Do you want your phone? Do you want a new one? You can have mine if you want it. Are you sure you're okay? Did anything happen? Do you want me to do anything?"

Yukito blankly watched her for a moment, not speaking when she was done. Then he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

Once he'd pulled back into his sitting position, one leg folded up onto the bed and held between his hands, the other dangling off the edge of the mattress. "I've got some money saved up. So that's fine for now. I would prefer it if you avoid the apartment." He didn't call it his house anymore. Or his 'place'. It had lost that quality. "I'm here with Aidousan, so I'll at least have him to amuse me until the next part." He reached over and gently caught her chin in his hand, smiling at her. "Don't worry so much. This is part of the routine. Except it's different this time."

"Every time my dad comes back she goes into a frenzy. Trying to fix **** and stuff. In few months she'll realize he's still a ****ing ******* and leave him again. Probably move one more time, since he knows where the apartment is and she doesn't have me to drag along. Not this time. I've decided it's time to grow up a little more than her." He rocked a little back and forth on the mattress, speaking quietly and calmly. "I'm fine, Erin. It's gonna be alright."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

Erin found herself asking the questions out loud as they popped into her head, without pausing for a second thought. And since she'd rushed them out so quickly, she wasn't surprised at Yukito's immediate silent response-- she figured he hadn't been able to follow her. It happened.

Then he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

Erin's expression only showed her confusion as to his response. You couldn't answer "I love you" to any of those questions she asked.

Then he did answer her. "I've got some money saved up. So that's fine for now. I would prefer it if you avoid the apartment."

"I can only avoid it so much," she muttered in response. The place was practically fifty feet from her door. How much avoidance did he want? And there had to be stuff he wanted from there... what about his music? Clothes? What was he going to do for food? Hotels were expensive, even the boring, cheap ones, he couldn't keep forking over the money forever... Erin fidgeted anxiously, fingering first her bracelet and then the earrings dangling down.

"I'm here with Aidousan, so I'll at least have him to amuse me until the next part."

"Next part? There's a next part? What's the next part? Yukito, what..." Her words trailed off with Yukito's hand under her chin, bringing her to look closer at him instead of eyes darting everywhere anxiously. "Don't worry so much. This is part of the routine. Except it's different this time."

Erin looked at him dubiously, a silent demand for him to explain the contradiction in his words.

"Every time my dad comes back she goes into a frenzy. Trying to fix **** and stuff. In few months she'll realize he's still a ****ing ******* and leave him again. Probably move one more time, since he knows where the apartment is and she doesn't have me to drag along. Not this time. I've decided it's time to grow up a little more than her."

Erin's face fell solemnly, heavier than it'd felt in a good long while. And, not really knowing what to say, she said, "But did anything happen? Are you okay? Yukito, what about you?" What she wanted to ask if he'd tried to pull anything over on Yukito.

"I'm fine, Erin. It's gonna be alright."

"Yukito..." she sighed his name, almost timidly reaching up to touch her hand on his back. "What's gonna happen next? You can't stay here forever... You don't even have a fridge in here," she observed off-topic. "Aidousan's living here? Why?"

Erin leaned next to him until her head lay against him. "What's gonna happen with us?" she asked quietly, out of the blue, and not really knowing what prompted the question. It was a big change, and more big changes would come from that.. it would affect them somehow, wouldn't it? What am I supposed to do? I don't even know...

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"I've got some money saved up. So that's fine for now. I would prefer it if you avoid the apartment."

"I can only avoid it so much," she muttered in response. He nodded, looking downward.

"I know..." he sighed, "I'm here with Aidousan, so I'll at least have him to amuse me until the next part."

"Next part? There's a next part? What's the next part? Yukito, what..." He cut her off as he cupped her chin in his hands, forcing her gaze into his face.

"Don't worry so much. This is part of the routine. Except it's different this time. Every time my dad comes back she goes into a frenzy. Trying to fix **** and stuff. In few months she'll realize he's still a ****ing ******* and leave him again. Probably move one more time, since he knows where the apartment is and she doesn't have me to drag along. Not this time. I've decided it's time to grow up a little more than her."

"But did anything happen? Are you okay? Yukito, what about you?" He could hear the true concern in her voice - she couldn't have hid it behind the world - and it made him smile sadly.

He took one of her hands in his, as his hand dropped his head bent down to briefly touch her forehead. "I'm fine, Erin. It's gonna be alright." I'm better now. I'm getting much better. "He didn't do anything to me."

"Yukito..." she sighed his name, her hands reached up to touch his back with the slight hesitation to her movements they were becoming accustomed to. "What's gonna happen next? You can't stay here forever... You don't even have a fridge in here," He didn't answer her, and she seemed to realize something. "Aidousan's living here? Why?"

He shrugged. "He's got stuff to deal with, and it's easier if he has me around to punch him in the face if something goes wrong." Yukito rolled his eyes, "He has a hard time dealing with himself. I guess he thinks that if I can do it, anyone can." He chuckled darkly. "It's a decent rule of thumb, I suppose. Look at how I'm running now..."

Erin's head dropped to his shoulder. "What's gonna happen with us?" she asked quietly. Yukito froze, taking in her words reluctantly. Then he set his cheek against her hair, smiling a little to himself.

"Nothing bad, I promise. You know I love you, Erin. And...cheesy as it sounds, knowing you love me means a lot right now." He kissed her head, "I probably wouldn't have left when I did..."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Yukito... What's gonna happen next? You can't stay here forever... You don't even have a fridge in here." The something Yukito had mentioned earlier resurfaced. "Aidousan's living here? Why?"

Yukito only shrugged. "He's got stuff to deal with, and it's easier if he has me around to punch him in the face if something goes wrong."

Erin looked at him blankly. "What are you talking about?"

Yukito rolled his eyes. "He has a hard time dealing with himself. I guess he thinks that if I can do it, anyone can." He chuckled, though Erin didn't see what was funny. "It's a decent rule of thumb, I suppose. Look at how I'm running now..."

It was one of those times where she couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, and that meant she wasn't sure how to respond. And she hated those moments. So she defaulted to not responding at all, and decided to speak the thoughts tugging at her mind now. "What's gonna happen with us?" she asked quietly.

She could feel Yukito's head against hers. "Nothing bad, I promise. You know I love you, Erin. And...cheesy as it sounds, knowing you love me means a lot right now." She felt his kiss on her head. "I probably wouldn't have left when I did..."

Another statement she didn't know how to follow up to. Stupid brain, why are you on the fritz? You're stupid enough without freezing up on me like this...! Instead, she breathed in deeply, slowly let it back out, as she pulled herself closer to him, protectively wrapping both arms around him. "What can I do, Yukito?" I want to just FIX IT, but I can't... and it sucks! The air felt too heavy, so Erin tried to lighten it with, "I could always start selling Adderall on the side..." Immediately she looked up at him and smiled. "I'm kidding, I swear!"

And then somber again. "But really... Yukito, this whole thing is... just... fast, and... a lot... You shouldn't've had to move out so fast and all... and here..." I don't like it here. Hotels like these are kind of creepy sometimes. People do things in hotels... She sighed. "I dunno... I just..." I just want better for you. I just want you to have what you deserve. I just want you to be freed from all of that. "I dunno..."

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"Aidousan's living here? Why?"

Yukito only shrugged. "He's got stuff to deal with, and it's easier if he has me around to punch him in the face if something goes wrong."

Erin looked at him blankly. "What are you talking about?"

Yukito rolled his eyes. "He has a hard time dealing with himself. I guess he thinks that if I can do it, anyone can." He chuckled, "It's a decent rule of thumb, I suppose. Look at how I'm running now..." Anyone could handle it better than this, I'll bet.

She moved closer to him, and he laid his cheek against hers. "What's gonna happen with us?" she asked quietly.

He smiled. "Nothing bad, I promise. You know I love you, Erin. And...cheesy as it sounds, knowing you love me means a lot right now." He kissed her head. "I probably wouldn't have left when I did..."

Yukito felt her take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then she cuddled closer and embraced him. "What can I do, Yukito?" He arched an eyebrow. "I could always start selling Adderall on the side..." His expression froze. "I'm kidding, I swear!" Her smile reassured him that she was, but he didn't really like her joking about her medication like that. He supposed his lack of response to her joke led her back to a serious mood. "But really... Yukito, this whole thing is... just... fast, and... a lot... You shouldn't've had to move out so fast and all... and here..."

"I'm sorry." he mumbled, shrugging, "It's what I have to do right now. And this...this is temporary." He gestured around the hotel room, "Very temporary. It's like living in someone else's house..." He frowned as he looked around the room, then chuckled in remembrance. "Ha...and I've done that before. With my mother. We went to live with my grandparents in Tokyo." He shifted back into a more comfortable position on the bed. "Right after the whole thing with my dad." It felt weird to just call it that. "I didn't spend much 'quality time' with my family then. I spent it mostly with a psychiatrist, with Natalie, or by myself." He paused for a moment, thinking about how all that balance had changed once he had found out about her parents. Who were worse than his - he got off easy most of the time since they didn't bother with him very often - she had them after her all the time. Like she had been some toy to play with. It was sick and wrong. And he had tried to save them from that. By getting her an apartment.

Erin sighed, pulling him from his thoughts. "I dunno... I just...I dunno..."

"I need to get a job soon, so I can get an apartment. I'm gonna do my best to do this right." He leaned over and kissed Erin on the forehead lightly, unsmiling. "It's gonna be alright. I promise. I won't disappear. I won't leave you."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"But really... Yukito, this whole thing is... just... fast, and... a lot... You shouldn't've had to move out so fast and all... and here..."

"I'm sorry."

Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything... I just meant I wish you didn't have to... I'm trying to let you know I care, not that I think you should apologize....

"It's what I have to do right now. And this...this is temporary." He gestured around the hotel room. "Very temporary. It's like living in someone else's house..." He frowned as he looked around the room, Erin following his gaze automatically, then he chuckled. "Ha...and I've done that before. With my mother. We went to live with my grandparents in Tokyo." Yukito shifted on the bed, and Erin moved so that she was still snugly next to him, ready to absorb one of the rare moments of reverie from him. "Right after the whole thing with my dad. I didn't spend much 'quality time' with my family then. I spent it mostly with a psychiatrist, with Natalie, or by myself."

It made sense that he'd had to talk with a psychiatrist, she thought when he mentioned it. He was helping her to get a better understanding of something completely foreign to her, but a foreign thing that mattered now more than she'd ever thought it would. Because it was something too close to home for Yukito, and so it mattered to her by extension. She was grateful that he could talk more openly with her now, letting himself be more vulnerable around her.

But then another thought nagged at her, and superseded her gratefulness. He'd specifically told Erin that he loved her for who she was, and that she didn't have to do anything more than that. But she also was sure he loved her, a name and a face Erin would never know. She wouldn't be able to call herself the first, or the only. And as selfish as she felt for feeling it, Erin couldn't help but feel like she'd been cheated out of something because she couldn't be the first or the only. Because maybe he would always have a part of his heart saved away for her, for the faceless girl that Erin would never see and that Yukito would never see again. And she wondered how it was like when a person lost their spouse and then got married again... those people were okay, right? Those people really loved each other, and it wasn't like there was a ghost haunting their marriage. But we're nothing like married people... what if it's different for us? What if he gets tired of me one day and starts wishing he could have stayed with her instead? Oh, god... what if he knew what I was thinking?! He'd be so mad at me...

Erin sighed aloud, finally voicing, "I dunno... I just...I dunno..." It meant nothing really, but at least now he wouldn't ask her what she was thinking, and she wouldn't have to lie.

"I need to get a job soon, so I can get an apartment. I'm gonna do my best to do this right." He leaned over and kissed Erin on the forehead lightly, seriously. "It's gonna be alright. I promise. I won't disappear. I won't leave you."

"I know," she told him truthfully, a pout in her lips that she was unaware was there, remnants of her mental questioning. "I know, I mean, you just deserve better... and I really liked you being so close to me at home, and I'm gonna miss that... and I wish you didn't have to run or anything. I wish..." She paused, swallowed hard. "That none of that had happened to you. I want everything to be better for you, the way it should be."

Then something Yukito had said much earlier returned to the front of her mind. "You don't have your phone anymore? Do you want mine?" She took it out without giving it a second thought. "Here, I'm supposed to get a new one soon anyway, for that little upgrade thing or whatever," she told him, gesturing with her free hand. "And I can just say I lost it if I have to, it's not like it would be the first time," she added with a light smile. "Just take it, Yukito! Pleeease?" she pleaded with him. "I can't text you on hotel phones," Erin added half-serious as further reasoning.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"It's what I have to do right now. And this... this is temporary. Very temporary. It's like living in someone else's house... Ha... and I've done that before. With my mother. We went to live with my grandparents in Tokyo." Yukito shifted on the bed, and Erin moved so that she was still snugly next to him, "Right after the whole thing with my dad. I didn't spend much 'quality time' with my family then. I spent it mostly with a psychiatrist, with Natalie, or by myself."

They both fell into silence, each within their own thoughts. Finally, Erin sighed. He turned to her and, seeing her expression, nudged her gently with his head. "Erin?"

"I dunno... I just...I dunno..." She seemed so worried about this. About him. He hadn't called her so she could worry. At least, he didn't think so. Maybe a part of him had planned on that from the beginning, wanting and needing her to care. He took the opportunity to send a sigh back at her.

"I need to get a job soon, so I can get an apartment. I'm gonna do my best to do this right." He leaned over and kissed Erin on the forehead lightly, the kiss more of an attempt to comfort her than anything. He didn't smile or chuckle into it this time. "It's gonna be alright. I promise. I won't disappear. I won't leave you."

"I know," she countered automatically. Her lips protruded in a soft pout, and seeing it made him smile. It was like there had been something sour in their kiss. Or like she had been denied her favorite present. "I know, I mean, you just deserve better... and I really liked you being so close to me at home, and I'm gonna miss that... and I wish you didn't have to run or anything. I wish..." She paused, swallowed hard. "That none of that had happened to you. I want everything to be better for you, the way it should be."

He didn't answer her for a long time, just sitting close to her and frowning. "Me too," was his response to all of her worries.

"You don't have your phone anymore? Do you want mine?" She took it out without giving it a second thought. He arched an eyebrow at her. "Here, I'm supposed to get a new one soon anyway, for that little upgrade thing or whatever," she told him, gesturing with her free hand. "And I can just say I lost it if I have to, it's not like it would be the first time,"

"Erin..." his tone was chastising, almost whining.

"Just take it, Yukito! Pleeease?" she pleaded with him with a smile. "I can't text you on hotel phones,"

He smiled at her. "No, I couldn't do that, Erin. Not until you get your new one. And I mean have it in your hand." he gestured as if he was weighing her hypothetical cell phone in his hand. "Or rather, glued to your forehead. You might save time that way instead of whipping it out of your pocket every two seconds." He kissed her forehead. "Right there. You would miss it. Anyway, I have to get a SIM card for it. I can't exactly take yours, right? Because then I would have your number, and you can't text me, then. I can probably get one tomorrow. Just hold out until then."