Koto

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Mmm, thank you so much! But..." She couldn't have tried to subdue the laughs as she asked, "Are you thinking of doing that? Tattooing a sweetheart's name on your arm?"

Yukito paused, like it was a totally new idea that he'd need to spend time mulling over. "Maybe..." he tapped a finger on his lips, his expression making Erin's expectant smile widen just a bit, and she laughed. "Maybe?"

"But will a long name like 'Erin' fit, do you think?" He just smirked, but Erin laughed again, linking her arm in his. "That's just so biker," she jokingly objected. "I used to want one of a clover on my toe, but I changed my mind and want a little star instead," she commented cheerily, until Erin added with a sullen tone, "But I can't."

"And let's just not mention the nickname 'sweetheart' again, okay? I was expressing a point."

Erin lifted her eyes to him curiously, and a little taken aback-- she kind of wanted him to call her something besides Erin now that he'd mentioned it... "Why not?"

"I get enough with the Yuyukun thing."

It sort of felt like he was fussing at her now, saying that to her. Then you shouldn't have told me I could, she thought sullenly, but aloud said, "But you said it was alright if I did. What's with you and names, really? I call you things besides your name and I haven't exploded yet."

She looked down at her hands that were both folded in her lap, and even though Erin still felt like she had been fussed at, the little beads on her wrist bearing their names in the reflected light reminded her that he thought of her enough to do that. And a new smile surfaced on her face as she turned the bracelet on her wrist, touching the different beads with the tip of a finger.

"So I'm thinking more gifts are in order if you react like that..." Yukito stated, pulling her close to him, arm around her waist. Did he know how much she loved that?

"Really?" Erin asked, peering up at him with the new-found smile. I thought he was joking about numbering them. "You're so sweet!" she voiced, lips close to his cheek. "I'm gonna have my work cut out for me when it's your birthday." Then, a thought occurred to her. "Omigod, Yukito, I'm terrible!" She covered her mouth with both hands, then spoke through them, "I don't even know my boyfriend's birthday! I'm so sorry!" Immediately she punctuated her apology with a hug around his arm, head on his shoulder. "So when is it?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"And let's just not mention the nickname 'sweetheart' again, okay? I was expressing a point."

Her eyes lifted to him, and he could see the caution there. Like she was choosing her words carefully. "Why not?"

"I get enough with the Yuyukun thing." He said flippantly, a little smile tacked on the end.

"But you said it was alright if I did. What's with you and names, really? I call you things besides your name and I haven't exploded yet." He was taken aback completely by this. He could hear the hurt in her voice, her eyes falling down to her hands, taking more comfort in his gift to her than in him.

He could have gotten in so much deeper into this. He could have told her about the list of names he called her in his head, or how he had her in his phone as 'boku no nikkou', 'my sunlight'. He could tell her a million things he knew about him and nicknames. Instead, he raised both palms in a gesture, at a complete loss, "Erin...I was kidding...really. I don't mind the nicknames. I'm just not real creative when it comes to them." Liar. "I could come up with some for you, though." he tacked on almost fearfully, saving himself from a stab of guilt. "Erin...?"

The conversation didn't take long to shift, and he turned to look at her bracelet, wrapping his arm around her waist, needed to feel her close to him again, and not let himself believe there was a growing distance between the two of them. "So I'm thinking more gifts are in order if you react like that..."

"Really? You're so sweet!" He didn't know about that, but so what? "I'm gonna have my work cut out for me when it's your birthday."

He shrugged, "Could I just have fifty-six kisses? That would do me..." he leaned in to steal one now, but an Erin-thought leapt in to distract them both.

"Omigod, Yukito, I'm terrible!" His eyebrow arched, displaying confusion. She covered her mouth with both hands, then spoke through them, "I don't even know my boyfriend's birthday! I'm so sorry!"

He chuckled to himself, and she snaked herself around his arm, cuddling close. "So when is it?"

His smile faded rather quickly, and he leaned down to lay his forehead on hers. "Don't be mad at me..." It could have easily been taking as sarcasm or a silly remark, if his eyes hadn't been quite so serious, and his voice quite so pleading. "It's September 20th....I didn't tell you because we had just really started dating. I didn't know you were big on birthdays." Personally, he found the occasion boring. To feel special on one day of the year meant you were supposed to look back on your past and see how you had grown. He could only see the ways he had screwed up, and the mistakes he had let through his radar. "It's no big deal to me, though. I kind of avoided the evening by going to a movie by myself." He shrugged, but definitely didn't think this would be the end of it.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"But you said it was alright if I did. What's with you and names, really? I call you things besides your name and I haven't exploded yet." She hated to be upset about anything right now, because it was supposed to be not just a date but a special date, but Erin couldn't help feeling like she'd done something wrong, and she wanted to know why, and even though she'd never thought of it before, now it bothered her that she was only boring 'Erin'. Like she hadn't earned anything else, like she'd messed something up for him, and it didn't feel so great.

She still didn't want to be upset tonight, so Erin tried distracting her thoughts with the pretty gift on her wrist, a reminder that he did care for her... Why did it feel like they were still so fragile? Maybe she was so fragile.

"Erin...I was kidding...really. I don't mind the nicknames. I'm just not real creative when it comes to them."

She glanced up at him almost shyly. "You don't?" But that's not what he'd just told her a second ago... Maybe he thought the whole idea was stupid. Like she used to think it was, but it was different now, and it was his fault she felt that way, anyway....

"I could come up with some for you, though." Erin didn't say anything right away, only looking at him, thinking, But not if you don't want to... Only if you really want to. I didn't even notice this mattered to me... "Erin...?"

"Only if you really want to, though," Erin voiced in a matter-of-fact tone, kind of sullen. She wouldn't let herself be upset by such a little thing, she wouldn't. Not tonight, and not with him. Erin reached for his hand and took it in hers, feeling a fresh smile come to her face. "Alright," she conceded contently, moving closer next to him, breathing in his scent. It made her smile, being able to be so close to someone like him. To belong with someone like him.

Yukito responded with wrapping his arm around her waist, the gesture reminding Erin of how she felt to wake up in his arms. I wish I could do that again... She rested her hand on his chest, silently praying that this would turn out to be one of the most wonderful dates they'd share. Nothing could ruin it. She snuggled closer to him. "So I'm thinking more gifts are in order if you react like that..."

"Really? You're so sweet! I'm gonna have my work cut out for me when it's your birthday." She was already planning things in her head for it, too. Lots of things. She was going to totally spoil him with gifts until he was buried under them-- until they were both buried under them, and then they'd be together, and he could hold her and kiss her and hug her all he wanted, and it would be perfect.

Yukito just gave a little shrug instead, though, telling her, "Could I just have fifty-six kisses? That would do me..."

Yukito leaned in closer to her but stopped when Erin thought aloud,
"Omigod, Yukito, I'm terrible!" She covered her mouth with both hands, then spoke through them, "I don't even know my boyfriend's birthday! I'm so sorry!" He seemed amused by her words, and Erin pulled close to him before asking, "So when is it?"

A serious look came over Yukito's face as he leaned down to meet her. "Don't be mad at me..." he started, which was never a good sign if someone had to say that. She tensed a little. "It's September 20th...." Erin furrowed her eyebrows, shooting him a "you better have a freaking amazing excuse" look. "I didn't tell you because we had just really started dating. I didn't know you were big on birthdays."

She gaped at him with disappointment in her eyes, loosening her hold on him. "I missed it? You let me miss it?" You didn't even tell me something as simple as that...

"It's no big deal to me, though. I kind of avoided the evening by going to a movie by myself." He shrugged, and that apathetic gesture, like he was brushing off something because it wasn't important to him, even though it mattered so much to her, made Erin remove her hold of him altogether.

"Yukito!" she started, muscles tensing in frustration, eyes flitting to anything but him. "How am I supposed to ever do anything for you if you never let me?! I would have done things for you, to make it special for you, and you didn't even let me! So, what, did you turn eighteen without me or something while I sat at home thinking of how to make your days stuck at school better? That's one of your most important days, Yukito, and we could have been together for it, and I would have tried to make it special for you!" Erin finally found Yukito's eyes, expression sullen once more. "Yukito..." You still don't tell me anything, do you? "I would've tried, for you..."

[Elda Forever]

OOC: I checked out timelines, and Yukito posted about starting a relationship with Erin on the 15th of...August, I think. But for believability's sake, we'll say it was the 15th of September, kk? If you have any arguments or other suggestions, let me know. BIC:

Yukito Maki

"Erin...I was kidding...really. I don't mind the nicknames. I'm just not real creative when it comes to them." he tried to fix the broken air between them, and the timid look she sent him made him hope for a second - and sent his stomach gutting into his ribs.

"You don't?" He smiled at her.

"I could come up with some for you, though." he promised, his mind straining for something good, something nice. When Erin didn't respond, just watching his face as if looking for the sign of a lie, he became worried. "Erin...?"

"Only if you really want to, though," he wanted to be satisfied with that, and she took his hand in hers, "Alright," Erin cuddled closer, and he instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist, both of them trying to communicate a need for the gap that had started to drift them apart to be closed off forever.

"So I'm thinking more gifts are in order if you react like that..." he said for a change of subject, thinking on her happy reaction. And the extra kisses he expected for it when the bracelet was oh-so-tactfully mentioned.

"Really? You're so sweet! I'm gonna have my work cut out for me when it's your birthday."

Not one for birthday gifts, he shrugged, "Could I just have fifty-six kisses? That would do me..." Yukito started to move in closer as he spoke, intending to get a few freebies while she was still in a good mood, while he was still enough for her, but halted abruptly at her sudden exclamation that she didn't know when his birthday was.

His expression sobered up. He should have expected this to come up. Sometimes he could be so airheaded. "Don't be mad at me...It's September 20th...." Quickly he added, "I didn't tell you because we had just really started dating. I didn't know you were big on birthdays."

He expected her to be furious, but she seemed more...well, upset, obviously. Erin was always extravagant in her emotions, and this was no exception. But she seemed disappointed more than anything else. "I missed it? You let me miss it?"

"It's no big deal to me, though. I kind of avoided the evening by going to a movie by myself." He shrugged. Bad move. She pulled away from him, and he felt the loss of her warmth beside him, and he experienced the feeling of being abandoned at the worst possible time, like he was on a scary, life-threatening ride without a safety belt.

"Yukito!" she started, and he watched her eyes, his own suddenly showing fear. She wouldn't look at him. Oh no... "How am I supposed to ever do anything for you if you never let me?! I would have done things for you, to make it special for you, and you didn't even let me! So, what, did you turn eighteen without me or something while I sat at home thinking of how to make your days stuck at school better? That's one of your most important days, Yukito, and we could have been together for it, and I would have tried to make it special for you!" He found he could actually breathe again when she met his eyes. "Yukito...I would've tried, for you..."

"I'm...I'm sorry." he mumbled, "I didn't know it was important, then. We had literally just started dating. It was the same week. I hardly knew you. And..I dunno...Erin, I'm just not good at taking that kind of stuff, you know?" he slumped in his seat, feeling pathetic. He wanted to argue with her, show her his choice had been an easier one at the time. He also wanted to give in and make sure she couldn't chalk up another slip-up on him. Man, she could always find something wrong with what he was doing, couldn't she? All the time, he was walking on eggshells, wondering why he kept screwing up. His frown deepened, and he turned away from her, unable to make sense of the way his blood was suddenly boiling. "I didn't do it to deprive you. I just hate being the center of attention like that." he snarled.

His hand resting at his side clenched and unclenched, and his mind kept repeating what she had said. 'How am I supposed to ever do anything for you if you never let me?!' He knew he was starting to shut her out again, but he didn't know if there was anything he could do to stop it. His eyes drifted to the window, and he wished his mind could wander as easily. How can she like me and find me so frustrating and hopeless?

"There's nothing I can say that will fix anything, is there?" he found himself whispering, almost like a spoken regret. He didn't turn when their food arrived. This is hopeless. I can't make myself any better for her. An icy glare was sent to the table, and he mentally prepared to get up and walk away, just to go someplace where he didn't feel so vulnerable."Why would you want to make it special for me? I'm the cause of all the trouble, aren't I?" I always am.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Yukito!" she started, looking anywhere but at him. "How am I supposed to ever do anything for you if you never let me?! I would have done things for you, to make it special for you, and you didn't even let me! So, what, did you turn eighteen without me or something while I sat at home thinking of how to make your days stuck at school better? That's one of your most important days, Yukito, and we could have been together for it, and I would have tried to make it special for you!" She finally took time to breathe, looking up at him before adding, "Yukito...I would've tried, for you..."

"I'm...I'm sorry," he mumbled, and Erin's eyes widened as she realized her mistake. Oh crap... that's not how I meant it to sound...! "I didn't know it was important, then. We had literally just started dating. It was the same week. I hardly knew you. And..I dunno...Erin, I'm just not good at taking that kind of stuff, you know?" He slumped in his seat as if defeated, a deep frown on his face, and Erin could have kicked herself for being so stupid and selfish. What had she just said? That he should have known better and that it was his fault she missed it...? God, how spoiled she sounded, and now she'd gone and ruined everything Yukito was trying to do for her...!

"Yukito--" she tried to start again, but Erin guessed she still sounded like she was fussing at him, because he turned away from her. The action made her feel like she was choking, another headache crawling down from her forehead where she'd hit it to the base of her neck, throbbing in rhythm of her heart. No, don't turn away, I need you... I'm sorry... "I didn't do it to deprive you. I just hate being the center of attention like that," he snarled, and Erin withdrew the hand she'd been reaching out to him with. He sounded like a wounded animal, and she felt like one. Only she'd done something to deserve the wound. I'm so stupidly selfish, I didn't mean it to come out like that, I just want to make you happy, and I've ruined it all!

"There's nothing I can say that will fix anything, is there?" Yukito said so quietly that it was a whisper, Erin hardly hearing it even though she was now leaning in toward him, worry and regret in her expression. When the hibachi chef arrived, Erin only looked up and offered a small smile. "Gomen nasai, just a minute, kudasai..."

Thankfully she received and understanding nod as he backed off for a minute... hopefully that's all it would take to fix her screw-up... This time she did place her hand on his shoulder, a silent way to plead with him to turn back to her. Please, I have to make up for it. I don't want to loose you for a minute ever again, and I'm already messing it up so bad!

"Why would you want to make it special for me? I'm the cause of all the trouble, aren't I?"

"No, no, Yukito, what are you talking about? Yukito, you didn't do anything, I'm the selfish and spoiled one wanting everything my way and hurting people when I don't get it and I'm so horrible to you even though I love you so much and I am trying to get better with that, Yukito, but please, I need you, and I'm really sorry, I wasn't even thinking, Yukito, I just--" she was pleading with him, both hands on his shoulder, words pouring out like water washing over her tongue and not a pause until she grew dizzy and needed breath. "I love you and I just want to make you happy but I keep messing it up, and I'm sorry, and please let me make it up to you, please let me make you smile, I love it when you smile, Yukito..." She tried pulling him to her, her arms around his closest to her. "And I love you when you don't smile, when your face is so thoughtful and deep, and I love it when I can make you laugh, and when you're real with me, and when you're trying to hide it when you really want to smile, and I love the way you talk, and I love the way you don't, and I love the way you hold me, and the way you say my name, and your voice when you sing, and your hands in mine, and how you look when you're asleep, and how you look when you're sick, and I just love you and want to make you happy... and happy with me, if you want.... I love you." Whether he was still upset with her or not, her head was pounding and the room was spinning and she wanted to feel him next to her, so Erin lowered her head onto his shoulder again.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"There's nothing I can say that will fix anything, is there?" he whispered, feeling the guilt and regret. He was always going to screw up somewhere. Not telling her enough, always feeling like a lie, never able to protect her or comfort her, never being there enough or responding enough. Didn't she ever wonder why they'd never even considered taking themselves to a new level with the relationship? She never asks...she just gets angry when I don't tell her.

The hibachi arrived, but he didn't turn. He wasn't even able to smile when Erin answered in half-Japanese, asking him to wait. Yukito was preparing to walk away from her again, to save them both deeper pains. I can't measure up. I'll never be able to fix myself enough to let her in.

"Why would you want to make it special for me? I'm the cause of all the trouble, aren't I?" he muttered darkly, still slumped in his seat and wondering if he could make it to the door without her calling after him. He hoped he could. Because it would hurt too much if she really, honestly tried. I hope she just sits quietly. I hope she's in too much shock and I don't have to see her cry anymore. Not because of me.

"No, no, Yukito, what are you talking about? Yukito, you didn't do anything, I'm the selfish and spoiled one wanting everything my way and hurting people when I don't get it and I'm so horrible to you even though I love you so much and I am trying to get better with that, Yukito, but please, I need you, and I'm really sorry, I wasn't even thinking, Yukito, I just--" her hands were on his shoulders. He wanted to pull away, but he was quickly feeling all the fight rushing out of him in one fell swoop. I can't fight with you anymore, Erin. I just can't handle it.

"I love you and I just want to make you happy but I keep messing it up, and I'm sorry, and please let me make it up to you, please let me make you smile, I love it when you smile, Yukito..." He had to focus on staring at the wall away from her face, because he knew he'd crumble. She was clinging to him, desperately trying to keep her spot in the middle of the construction of the wall in his mind, which was intent on shutting her out. You don't get it, do you? I'M the problem, and it hurts more when you keep blaming yourself. God, I can't CRY at a time like this! He blinked his eyes shut for a long three seconds to clear away the tears, then continued his cold glare.

"And I love you when you don't smile, when your face is so thoughtful and deep, and I love it when I can make you laugh, and when you're real with me, and when you're trying to hide it when you really want to smile, and I love the way you talk, and I love the way you don't, and I love the way you hold me, and the way you say my name, and your voice when you sing, and your hands in mine, and how you look when you're asleep, and how you look when you're sick, and I just love you and want to make you happy... and happy with me, if you want.... I love you."

He was trying so hard not to cry, even though he knew it would relieve the pain in his head, his chest and in his throat. Yukito looked down until his hair stung his eyes, his frown deepening. Her head gently lowered onto his shoulder, and he wanted to return the embrace, the touch.

"I'm so messed up, Erin...and you have no idea..." more furious blinking. Good thing he didn't wear contacts or anything. "And I keep wishing that I knew how to tell you without making everything worse. Do you have any clue how much you effect me? I want to share everything with you. But how can I when everything hurts all the time? When I want to race to you whenever something goes wrong, and it just hurts more to think of you bearing the weight of that?" He turned to her and felt his heart stop. Maybe that was a good sort of killer pain.

His voice went real quiet, like he had lost his resolve, "You don't know what it feels like to hear that you love those things about me. But I don't know what I'll do when things get bad, and I'm saying things that hurt you and I'm angry and there's nothing going right. What am I going to do when all those smiles and laughter are nowhere nearby? I want this to mean something to you...to both of us, when the world tries to screw us over...but I don't know how to handle it. I really, really don't."

He sent her a sad smile, the tears now blurring his vision as he ran a hand through her hair, "Erin, I love you, too. More than I can understand. I can't help hoping when I'm around you. Hoping that things will be better for me, because you're gonna be around. Even though I don't know why. I want to be better, but I keep screwing it up." Yukito let out a sigh, "You aren't selfish. But I'm wondering what we're gonna do if I turn out to be unfixable." He set his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes, "There is so much to love about you, I don't think I'd ever be able to list all of it. You make me watch you and think about you at the oddest moments. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you're happiest. I love the way your face crumples when you're thinking too hard," he found himself smiling slightly again, "I love when you're cheering everyone up around you and you don't even realize it. I love when you make me into a little kid again, wondering if I bring you a daisy if you'll still accept it and be happy. You make me feel like everything will eventually be okay. What are we going to do if it isn't true? If I just keep dragging us down to this level over and over again?"

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"I'm so messed up, Erin...and you have no idea..." She closed her eyes when the room kept spinning, when his words sounded so sad and there was nothing she could do for him... That's not true... you're not perfect, but you're perfect for me and I want to keep you forever, 'messed up' or not... Please let me... "And I keep wishing that I knew how to tell you without making everything worse. Do you have any clue how much you affect me?" She had no idea, no. She just knew how much he affected her, but it was probably not the same... "I want to share everything with you. But how can I when everything hurts all the time? When I want to race to you whenever something goes wrong, and it just hurts more to think of you bearing the weight of that?"

But that's what I want... I want to help you hurt less, and if I can take some of that it'll make it better, and it'll make us better. It will, and I can, just please let me...!

"You don't know what it feels like to hear that you love those things about me," Yukito said, his voice sullen and soft. Even though her eyes were still closed, still trying to shut out the vertigo and the pulsing ache, she felt a tear snake down her cheek closest to Yukito. I didn't say them to make you feel anything, I said them because they're true... "But I don't know what I'll do when things get bad, and I'm saying things that hurt you and I'm angry and there's nothing going right. What am I going to do when all those smiles and laughter are nowhere nearby? I want this to mean something to you...to both of us, when the world tries to screw us over...but I don't know how to handle it. I really, really don't."

"When things get bad, I'll still love you. When you never want to see my face again, I'll still love you. If everything is all wrong and all we do is hurt each other, I'll still love you, but that's never gonna happen because you could never really hurt me.. not really, not meaning to, and we'd work it out somehow, because that's what you do when you love someone-- you love them how they are, mistakes and all," she said, her eyes closed and head on his shoulder, unknowing she'd given him a similar speech the night he'd picked her up on Bourbon Street. "But you still love them so much you'll be there to help them so they can really start to be better, so you can help them be every good thing they can be, because you know they can, because you love them. You help me like that, Yukito, and I don't even know if you do it on purpose, but I love it and I love you and thank you for it." Now it's my turn to love you back. ...I feel like I'm falling, and I hate this feeling, please hold me and catch me...

She moved her hands from his shoulder to around his stomach as Erin felt his hand briefly in her hair. At least then she could open her eyes without feeling like she'd gone too fast on a merry-go-round with a hammer in her head. "Erin, I love you, too. More than I can understand. I can't help hoping when I'm around you. Hoping that things will be better for me, because you're gonna be around. Even though I don't know why. I want to be better, but I keep screwing it up." Yukito let out a sigh, and Erin wished more than anything that she could actually comfort him. That she really could make him happier, make him frown a little less, make him laugh a little more, talk a little more, like his mom wished she could do, too. She wanted to do it for all of them, but she was just one person who couldn't tell the truth from a lie half the time, so what good would she be? It was her words and her attitude that brought all this up anyway.

As if reading her thoughts, which she knew good and well he couldn't do, thank God, Yukito told her, "You aren't selfish. But I'm wondering what we're gonna do if I turn out to be unfixable." He set his forehead against hers, Erin unable to do a thing but look back into his eyes as he spoke. They were so clear and deep, like wells of rich ink. "There is so much to love about you, I don't think I'd ever be able to list all of it. You make me watch you and think about you at the oddest moments. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you're happiest. I love the way your face crumples when you're thinking too hard. I love when you're cheering everyone up around you and you don't even realize it. I love when you make me into a little kid again, wondering if I bring you a daisy if you'll still accept it and be happy. You make me feel like everything will eventually be okay. What are we going to do if it isn't true? If I just keep dragging us down to this level over and over again?"

She still peered back at him, her desire to take away all this worry, frustration, and heaviness he felt making her feel as though her heart might burst with the want. "Everything will be okay, Yukito. Stuff happens, but it will be okay. You deserve it to be so much more than okay, because you the most wonderful, real, caring, loving person I have ever known." She pulled his hand into both of hers, subconsciously massaging his fingers, his hand. "You could never drag us down," she said, a smile lifting the corners of her lips. "And you could bring me a bag of seaweed, Yukito, and it would make me ridiculously happy coming from you." Her smile grew as she brought his hand to her lips, pressing them against it. "I'm in love with you, Yukitokun," Erin said, lowering his hand still in hers. "It'll all work out, I promise." Even though she didn't know what exactly needed to be worked out... his reaction confused her, it seemed too big for such a small issue, but she knew she didn't have room to talk. But she just wanted to make it better for him, and whatever he felt was so messed up, she would walk through it with him, and would never miss a step. "Yukitokun.... kisu shite, kudasai?" So that way you can tell me you believe it, too, that it'll all be fine.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"When things get bad, I'll still love you. When you never want to see my face again, I'll still love you. If everything is all wrong and all we do is hurt each other, I'll still love you, but that's never gonna happen because you could never really hurt me.. not really, not meaning to, and we'd work it out somehow, because that's what you do when you love someone-- you love them how they are, mistakes and all," her words sounded so familiar, and before his eyes flashed the crowds of teenagers passing in front of the Volvo on Bourbon street, with Erin in the passenger seat. He could almost feel the steering wheel beneath his hands again. "But you still love them so much you'll be there to help them so they can really start to be better, so you can help them be every good thing they can be, because you know they can, because you love them. You help me like that, Yukito, and I don't even know if you do it on purpose, but I love it and I love you and thank you for it."

She'll never stop. Despite being so sporadic and unable to concentrate, she always stays the same on this. He couldn't imagine it, someone loving someone else no matter what, through all the mistakes and all the problems. He could feel it, but he couldn't imagine or understand it.

"Erin, I love you, too. More than I can understand. I can't help hoping when I'm around you. Hoping that things will be better for me, because you're gonna be around. Even though I don't know why. I want to be better, but I keep screwing it up." Why was it when their eyes met, it felt like something else was there, communicating between them in a language neither of them really knew? "You aren't selfish. But I'm wondering what we're gonna do if I turn out to be unfixable."

He rested his forehead against hers, "There is so much to love about you, I don't think I'd ever be able to list all of it. You make me watch you and think about you at the oddest moments. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you're happiest. I love the way your face crumples when you're thinking too hard. I love when you're cheering everyone up around you and you don't even realize it. I love when you make me into a little kid again, wondering if I bring you a daisy if you'll still accept it and be happy. You make me feel like everything will eventually be okay. What are we going to do if it isn't true? If I just keep dragging us down to this level over and over again?"

"Everything will be okay, Yukito. Stuff happens, but it will be okay. You deserve it to be so much more than okay, because you're the most wonderful, real, caring, loving person I have ever known." she took his hand in hers, rubbing it as if to rub away all the marks of their disagreements.

"You could never drag us down," How can you be so sure? But he knew it was too late - he had shared too much with her. There was no way he could leave her now. After all - he hadn't walked away yet, had he? And the chance was gone. She smiled at him. "And you could bring me a bag of seaweed, Yukito, and it would make me ridiculously happy coming from you."

"Careful," he mumbled, a weak smile flickering across his lips, "I could get you that."

She surprised him by kissing his hand gently, and he felt a stab of his memories coming back up again as if it was yesterday's lunch.

How do you know about my hands? How do you know how much they hurt me, and how do you know to make them better?

"I'm in love with you, Yukitokun," Maybe that statement had all the answers. He was known for making it more complicated than it had to be, and making things harder on himself.

"I love you, too."

"It'll all work out, I promise." He wanted to believe her. He already did.

"Yukitokun.... kisu shite, kudasai?"

He smiled, "Anytime," Yukito leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, moving his mouth and trying to catch more of her in a single breath than he ever had before. He hands slipped from hers and got tangled up in her hair as he tried to pull her closer, always closer. Always dangerously close. He had to feel her close, or he'd lose it all again.

Then, in a weird sort of flash - he could almost hear the scraping of a record in the background - Yukito opened his eyes to see the hibachi chef still standing awkwardly nearby. Yukito laughed, then pulled away from Erin's mouth. Even if she smelled especially good tonight. "Um...hello, there. Sorry to make you wait..."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"I'm in love with you, Yukitokun." It was both the first time she'd thought it in those terms, and the first time she'd said it in those terms. And that sealed it-- you didn't turn back from someone you were in love with.

"I love you, too." Strange how such small words could speak so much, could ignite so many thoughts and feelings and memories and fears and hopes...

"It'll all work out, I promise." Even though she didn't know how she could promise that, or what would need to work out, only that she was determined to keep next to him during it all. Those long weeks without him Erin wanted to never experience again-- she couldn't loose him again. She was so scared of losing him again, and she hadn't even realized it until now... "Yukitokun... kisu shite, kudasai?" Because she needed to feel him close to her again. Because now he was holding her heart, and if he was gone, then it was gone, too...

"Anytime." That earned Erin a smile from him, drawing out the same from her. Each kiss was a confirmation of how he cared for her, that she was the one he chose and wanted to be with and no one else, even though part of her didn't know why. But the larger part, the part that had first daydreamed of him and had first smiled when he called her name-- that part silenced the smaller part now as Yukito's lips met hers, starting a deep and long kiss. It occurred to her in the back of her mind that he had really soft lips. And then, he pulled her as close as he could, hands caught in her hair, her own hands locked together behind his neck, and if she were chocolate Erin would have melted.

Then she felt Yukito laugh-- and that didn't make sense to her. Before she could register why he'd laugh now, though, he'd pulled away from her, and Erin let her hands drop. Why'd you stop? But aloud she didn't get past "Why---" before Erin followed Yukito's line of eyesight. "Oh..." She couldn't help but giggle a little at the situation. Then Yukito started, "Um... hello, there. Sorry to make you wait..." Erin's giggles hadn't stopped, and another look from the hibachi chef back to Yukito only caused her to burst into full-on laughter, which continued when their bowls of mushroom soup were so casually placed in front of them. "Sorry," she spoke through a few more dwindling laughs as the soup's scent reached her. "It was just... so funny." Erin took a deep inhale to calm the leftover giggles as she noticed the large plate filled with bowls of salad, rice, and shrimp for the both of them. "It smells so good!" she whispered to Yukito-- why a whisper, she didn't know, but it didn't matter anyway.

It didn't take long for Erin to realize that the huge metal thing nearby them was the hibachi grill, especially when the thing lit up in a fire as the chef prepared their vegetables in it without burning anything. Erin watched the show excitedly, her hand only leaving Yukito's hand just to grab his shoulder or elbow or knee when the cooking show included something particularly awesome, like practically juggling with knives while simultaneously preparing what Yukito had ordered for them. Once he finished and their plates were presented, Erin automatically clapped her appreciation gleefully, adding a bright "Arigatooo! It's beautiful!" She looked over for a response from Yukito. "Isn't it so pretty, kareshi? Oh, I didn't think about bringing a camera!" She made a face at her forgetfulness before searching out her cell phone and snapping a couple of pictures of their table as well as the restaurant in general. "You can freaking count the pixels on the cell camera, but whatever, at least I'll have something." Erin lifted her eyes to Yukito expectantly. "I want a picture of us, too! And then we can eat; it smells sooo good!"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"It smells so good!" He watched the glow on her face as the hibachi chef displayed his well-practiced and easily delivered show before them. Yukito didn't really care much for the hibachi, but when he was able to see it through her eyes, to watch the delight and joy on her face from seeing this for the first time. She acted as though nothing had disrupted their evening at all. He hoped to continue to see that beauty in her eyes, and he hoped to be the cause of it more. Rather than the cause of her tears. I'm sorry I keep screwing this up, Erin. I get so angry and frustrated, so easily. And I close myself off to you. His eyes locked on her face and see every smile that flashed through her eyes.

"Arigatooo! It's beautiful!" She clapped eagerly when the show ended, enthralled.

"Arigtaou gozaimasu," he said in a more subdued tone, but he smiled up and sent the unfortunate man a nod and a half-bow from his seat.

"Isn't it so pretty, kareshi? Oh, I didn't think about bringing a camera!" He turned to her but before he could say 'huh?' she had already pulled out her cell phone and snapped several shots, her eyes bright and her trigger finger occupied. "You can freaking count the pixels on the cell camera, but whatever, at least I'll have something."

He let out a chuckle, looking across the table then looking up to meet her eyes, his mind shifting to the camera from Halloween that he had kept from her for months. Had she kept the pictures on it? Did she still keep it, or had it become buried under other things, forgotten by its owner in her giddy, sporadic attentions to anything that struck her as interesting.

"I want a picture of us, too! And then we can eat; it smells sooo good!" Yukito tilted his head to the side just slightly, and shrugged, slipping his arm around her shoulders. So he wasn't very hungry, anyways. Why wasn't he ever hungry? He supposed he should be ravenous.

"Whatever makes you happy, Erin." he leaned in until her hair could brush against his cheek. "But I'm afraid I can't let this drop...even if I feel totally lame for asking this..." he let out a sigh, his smile wavering between growing and fading away. "What...kind of names do you like? Like...darling or love or something like that?"

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

The wave of pain to her head had died back down, and the little that was left was readily forgotten thanks to the entertainment their meals offered. The only thing left now was the very tight feeling in Erin's shoulders and neck, but she could ignore that easily with Yukito. Before putting her phone away, Erin turned to him and voiced, "I want a picture of us, too! And then we can eat; it smells sooo good!"

Yukito responded with a shrug, then slipping his arm around her shoulders. "Whatever makes you happy, Erin." Awwww....! He leaned in close to her, Erin nestling happily beside him as she turned the phone backwards and snapped a couple of pictures. It was the closest thing she actually owned to a camera, since the one that Yukito had inadvertently kidnapped was her mom's, having let Erin borrow it for her birthday forever ago and only just recently having it returned to her (after all the coveted images had been safely downloaded and removed from the memory card). Satisfied that she would have just a little tangible memory of tonight, even a few pixel-y cell phone images, she put away her toy and straightened up the new bracelet on her wrist so that the names were readable. The personalized gesture, especially since he'd purposely put his name on it with hers, just made her feel the fluttering inside of her each time she thought of it. And reminded her of why he was so different than everyone else, and why she wanted to be a part of his life more than anything.

"But I'm afraid I can't let this drop...even if I feel totally lame for asking this..."

"Hm?" Erin looked up at him with a smile, not sure what "this" he was referring to.

Yukito exhaled a little sigh before speaking again. "What...kind of names do you like? Like...darling or love or something like that?"

Another well of laughter bubbled up from Erin as she leaned into him again. "Would you call me that, Yukito? Or is that what everyone else likes to say?" I want to hear what you say. She fingered the collar of his shirt thoughtfully, still smiling. It felt impossible not to... "Erin's so boring and everyone's named Erin, and it's so blaaaah to hear all the time." She looked up at him with a smile. "What do you like to call me in your head, Yuyukun?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

Yukito exhaled a little sigh before speaking again. Erin didn't quite understand why he was so quick to avoid embarrassing situations, and pet names was on that list of awkward things he had never tried before. Yumi had mentioned cute names, and he believed that she had called him some cutesy names...but usually he didn't realize she was calling him and she wasn't happy about that. Natalie....she wasn't one for names unless they were derogatory. Shouting out profane terms to Natalie essentially meant the same thing as calling him 'sweetie', but it had felt way, way different. It felt like sarcasm watering down romance terms.

"What...kind of names do you like? Like...darling or love or something like that?"

To say 'giggles erupted' fit Erin at that moment more than could be told. "Would you call me that, Yukito? Or is that what everyone else likes to say?" Her fingers toyed with the collar of his shirt, and he managed to keep his face blank - mostly because he didn't know how to answer her. How was he supposed to know what other people liked to say? It wasn't like he had wanted to pay any attention to it before Erin got upset about it. Now suddenly he was in the middle of what felt like a pop quiz on the subject, and he had never studied it.

"Erin's so boring and everyone's named Erin, and it's so blaaaah to hear all the time." Aw...but I liked the name Erin. She looked up at him with a smile. "What do you like to call me in your head, Yuyukun?"

There was no way to answer that honestly. Some of the names in his head her 'daddy' would definitely disapprove of. Yukito felt the corners of his mouth start to twitch, yearning to curve upward in his signature smirk. "Mmm..." was the only reply she got at first, and he tried to irritate her by taking a long, long time to answer her. He even dug in the procrastination by started on his dinner, prodding at the chicken and carefully avoiding anything that his mother would have labeled as 'good for him'. Which meant all green things. Oh, hullo mushroom soup.

He decided to let the mushroom soup wait on him, too, and he reached past Erin to chopstick up a piece of chicken. After a moment he looked over at her, an impish gleam to his eyes. He took a bite and froze, chopsticks in his mouth, and sent her a feigned, wide-eyed look. As if to say, 'What?' Yukito couldn't hold back a chuckle, "Fine, here." he took his cell phone out of his pocket and went to his phonebook, scrolling down until he reached a picture of Erin, beaming from ear-to-ear at the camera. Beside her name was kanji lettering, and he tilted the phone to show her. "Nikkou. Sunshine." he stated simply, shrugging and reaching past her again for another nibble of chicken. "You're pretty and...I dunno...sunshiney. All bright and cheerful."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Erin's so boring and everyone's named Erin, and it's so blaaaah to hear all the time." She looked up at him with a smile. "What do you like to call me in your head, Yuyukun?"

Yukito didn't answer her for a moment, finally letting out a thoughtful Mmm..." as though the comment took serious thought. And maybe it was, and Erin was too weird off of some kind of relationship high to be thinking of such things. Since when did she care about all that, anyway? What did it matter if he just called her Erin all the time, as long as he was with her? At the same time, she really, really wanted to at least try all these stereotypical aspects of couples like them... the ones that actually did love each other. Maybe this want for pet names and other really cheesy things and her inability to sit next to him without some kind of physical contact, maybe it was all a passing phase and she'd get her head back after coming down from the relationship high. Erin watched Yukito, waiting for him to finally say what was in his head. You have a really nice profile... But then, maybe it wasn't all a phase.

And Yukito still hadn't said anything other than that 'hmm' earlier. She bit back the urge to demand an answer, instead focused her energy on kicking her purple-shoed feet under the table, hands by her sides tapping out a rhythm next to her. Okay, you can say something now... Then Yukito, still not saying anything (Erin wondered if you could actually forget something that fast), reached past Erin for some of the steaming chicken that she hadn't even tried yet. For that gesture, she wanted to be mad at him but she just couldn't be anything more than frustrated. She let out a gasp of exasperation at his stubbornness when he just looked back at her with the tips of the chopsticks still in his mouth. The image was actually really cute and comical and even though she hated that he made her wait Erin couldn't help but let a smile start growing on her face. Now I really want a picture of you like that! Then it hit her that he'd done this just to tease her, and her smile grew more full. "Yukito!"

"Fine, here," he conceded with a chortle, for some reason reaching for his cell phone, and Erin leaned over to him more than was necessary to see his screen. After a few seconds he showed her where she was in his contacts list with writing beside it that, of course, made as much sense to Erin as snow tires in August. She assumed it was just the Japanese writing for her name, but Yukito translated, "Nikkou. Sunshine."

Erin's expression softened even as her smile grew. "You're pretty and...I dunno...sunshiney. All bright and cheerful," he explained before snagging another piece of chicken. Awwww... you're the sweetest! And I don't care if you ever call me that aloud, just that you think of me that way is just so-- Her thoughts manifested themselves in a tiny squeal as Erin gave Yukito another hug. "Daisukiii!"

Then she remembered the fact that they were at a restaurant and she was hungry and Yukito had been sneaking the chicken off her plate. "Hey! Yuyukun!" She gave him an amused "so that's how it is" look before kidnapping a bite of the special steak and finishing off the act with her own smirking expression. Then a giggle before she finally voiced, "Omigod, it's really good! I think I just found like, my new favorite cooking ever." Then after trying the chicken she had ordered originally, Erin sipped at the mushroom soup. "Omigod, I think I can make this," she muttered more to herself than Yukito.

At the thought of Yukito, though, Erin turned her attentions back to him. Sort of. "Hey, Yukitokun, you know what? How do you think I'd look with just a little stud, like, right here?" She pointed sharply to the side of her nose. "'Cause I think they're really pretty, like the little diamond or crystal ones, but on some people it looks kinda trashy so it depends on the person anyway, so I'm asking you," she explained, punctuating the comment with a smile. Erin just wanted to talk with him, really-- since even though it was something she'd like there was no way a nosering was happening while she was under eighteen, unless she did it herself....

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

He sent her a feigned look of confusion, his chopsticks still in his mouth as he tasted the wonderfulness of stolen chicken. She smiled, realizing his tease of silence, "Yukito!"

"Fine, here," he chuckled and showed her the entry for her he had in his phone, displaying the kanji as physical proof, even if she couldn't read any of it. "Nikkou. Sunshine. You're pretty and...I dunno...sunshiney. All bright and cheerful," he leaned over and took another piece of her chicken, and he could see in his peripheral vision that she was metaphorically melting.

She squealed and hugged him. "Daisukiii!" And he smirked, his chopsticks caught in his mouth again as she squeezed her arms around his torso.

"You have good chicken." he commented, and she noticed how much he had been stealing from her.

"Hey! Yuyukun!" She sent him a good-natured, reprimanding look and took some of his steak that he hadn't touched. Hers probably tasted better anyways. A giggle faded off her lips, "Omigod, it's really good! I think I just found like, my new favorite cooking ever." She flitted quickly from his steak to her chicken, and finally to the soup, "Omigod, I think I can make this,"

"That would be awesome," he said as he started to pick at his own plate. He was right - hers tasted better. It had the slight hint of fun in the middle of the flavors. "I certainly can't. I'm definitely lacking in culinary talent."

"Hey, Yukitokun, you know what? How do you think I'd look with just a little stud, like, right here?" She indicated her nose and he tilted his head to the side, trying to picture it. "'Cause I think they're really pretty, like the little diamond or crystal ones, but on some people it looks kinda trashy so it depends on the person anyway, so I'm asking you,"

"Hmm..." was his easy response, and he placed a couple of his fingers under her chin and gently tilted her face up, as if to get a better angle, when he was really just inspecting her face for anything he didn't already like. "I think that would be cool. If you go for a little diamond or something it wouldn't look trashy, it would be an accessory, I think." he shrugged, as if to lighten the weight of his opinion on piercings. "Oh, that reminds me, I found some of my old earrings, I'm actually wearing one tonight. I was surprised mine didn't grow over," he reached up to touch the silvery circled decoration in his earlobe with a pensive look. "I had my mother talked into letting me have a lip ring, too. But in the end I decided against it." he smiled at her mischievously, "Good thing, too. Because I think it would have gotten in the way of my kissing you."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Omigod, I think I can make this," Erin thought aloud about the soup.

"That would be awesome," responded Yukito, finally having something from his own plate Erin had chosen for him. "I certainly can't. I'm definitely lacking in culinary talent."

At that Erin laughed, rolling her eyes at his comment. "Whatever. It's water and broth and mushrooms and spices, not rocket science. Anyway, that's what you have me for," she added brightly, sending him a smug smile.

Then another thought nudged its way in, something she'd meant to mention to Yukito a while back but she'd just now remembered again. "Hey, Yukitokun, you know what? How do you think I'd look with just a little stud, like, right here?" She gestured with a pointed finger and questioning eyes, waiting for Yukito's answer. Meanwhile she added, "'Cause I think they're really pretty, like the little diamond or crystal ones, but on some people it looks kinda trashy so it depends on the person anyway, so I'm asking you."

"Hmm..." Yukito tilted her face upward just a little, the motion causing her brief dizziness. "I think that would be cool. If you go for a little diamond or something it wouldn't look trashy, it would be an accessory, I think." He shrugged, and Erin prodded a bit more, "What kind of accessory, though?"

"Oh, that reminds me, I found some of my old earrings, I'm actually wearing one tonight. I was surprised mine didn't grow over." The movement of his hand drew Erin's attention to the metallic edition to his appearance, and Erin tried to look like she was seriously debating her thoughts on it, though the grin was making that a little difficult to do. "Hmm, you know, I think that might actually be a really good look for you," she voiced in a mockingly posh tone before giggling out-of-character.

"I had my mother talked into letting me have a lip ring, too. But in the end I decided against it." He gave her a roguish smile before adding, "Good thing, too. Because I think it would have gotten in the way of my kissing you."

For just a second Erin looked at him pensively, then without warning pressed her lips to his in a prolonged kiss, her hands holding onto his shoulders. When she decided to speak again, she gave him a coy smile and told him simply, "I was imagining what kissing you with a lip ring would be like. I think I definitely like it better this way." She grinned at him.

With that, Erin returned to the tastes and aromas before her, then with a glance over at Yukito after a bit she asked brightly, "Fried ice cream?" She'd never had it before and it was something of a novelty. Plus she liked the idea of sharing a dessert with Yukito.