Seeing Red

[issie]

Liv Aldis

"Yuyukun!" The cry caught Liv's attention, it was familiar... Her eyes widened but she stayed put, determined to look through the CD's in front of her. After all, what were the chances of noticing her? Slim to none, she hoped. She looked out of the corner of her good eye to see her going behind the counter. Obviously, she knew someone there so her attention should go to that Yuyu person. So Liv did what she does best in her life and remained silent. There was no need to get all worked up and run out of the store just because someone she knew walked in. Besides, she'd rather be there then at her house with her trashed parents.

She wasn't very interested in their conversation, and she felt eaves dropping was bad, but she couldn't help bit listen in when Erin spoke again, saying, "Hey! I know her!"

Liv's body went rigid and she turned to denial, hoping she was talking about someone else in the store. Someone else who looked familiar. Someone not her. Then she heard a voice she never thought she would hear again in her entire life.

"Stopp tyven!" Norwegian, even if it sounded a bit off. And the voice that seemed to sink into her brain and send chills down her spine. Suddenly, her face being horribly bruised and cut open seemed like nothing anymore and she whirled around so quickly, it almost made her dizzy. Her heart clenched inside of her chest and she took a couple of shaky steps forward, looking at the guy who said it. The guy behind the counter. Yukito.

"You're Norwegian..." she began, feeling her breath get caught in her throat, "Still sucks."

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

She'd hoped Yukito would have said something positive about the English test, at least, because she'd done better on it this time, but he didn't say anything. Good or bad. Why even bother to show him? Erin got distracted by the milling people in the store as he looked at her papers, and soon a familiar figure caught her eye. Her face brightened. "Hey! I know her!"

Somehow Yukito knew just who she meant, because he was looking straight at her. Suddenly he burst out with something Erin didn't understand, and she couldn't figure out how he sounded-- angry? Surprised? Startled?? And that wasn't Japanese, she could hear that much.

Liv turned around, and Erin looked between the two, suddenly feeling like she'd just intruded on something private.... which was really, really weird... because as far as she knew, these two had never seen each other before. But...

"Your Norwegian..." Liv started, talking only to Yukito of course, "Still sucks."

Still? As opposed to....? Another curious glance between the two. Yeah, it definitely felt like she'd jut gotten kicked out of some secret circle or something, and was now watching through the two way mirror. "Uh... you've, uh... met, I guess." Erin smiled, trying to ease herself back into the invisible circle. "Hi," she said to Liv, giving her a little wave. "How've you been?" It was really lame small talk, but at least she was coming back in.... a little.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"Stopp tyven!" he shouted across the store, getting a couple of stares, but only one that he payed any mind. Liv turned on her heel to face him, revealing her signature pale face, complete with its usual bruises and scars, and fearful expression. He wasn't sure how to read that look in her eyes as she recognized him, but she certainly hadn't expected him to come out of the woodwork here, and today. His eyes widened as she approached, taking a couple of unsure steps. It felt like a ghost had appeared to him, and he felt his hands begin to sweat. The last time he had seen her had been over four years ago. She had been thirteen, then. And she hadn't filled out too much, he noticed. Her face still looked hollow and her posture still tired. He'd heard Natalie say a hundred times how worried she was about how their parents would eventually wear down on Liv's delicate frame...


"Your Norwegian..." Liv started slowly, her accent still thick but her voice deepened by the years. ”Still sucks."

A little smile came to Yukito's face at that. “Yeah, but your English is better. Oh my God, Liv!” He shook his head. Most people would have moved to embrace her like a long-lost sister, but neither of them would have derived from that anything good, so Yukito just stood awkwardly, unsure how to reach out to her as he felt a lump rise to his throat.

"Uh... you've, uh... met, I guess." Erin smiled, her voice sounding strange and uncertain about the new conversation at hand. "Hi," she said to Liv, giving her a little wave. "How've you been?"

“How long have you been in the States?” Yukito wondered, his eyes widening again. He felt the realities of Liv being here suddenly caving in on him like an avalanche, and at the same time felt a harsh cold hand clawing through his chest at the memories that came with Liv's face. Then, he glanced around the store suddenly, his expression guarded. “Are your parents...?”

[issie]

Liv Aldis

She could see Yukito's uneasiness as she took a couple steps forward. She resisted the urge to grab hold of something near her, just in case her knees gave out. So many memories of Natalie came back to her while she looked at him, but she couldn't think of an explanation as to why the memories did. She thought she had buried them down deep a long time ago, when her sister died. Apparently not. He looked different, she noticed. But he was still the same, and that bothered her.

"Your Norwegian..." she started hesitantly, ”Still sucks."

A little smile came to his face, but she didn't mirror the expression. She just stared, not sure what to think then. “Yeah, but your English is better. Oh my God, Liv!” He put an extra emphasis on her name and shook his head. She nodded her head as if he had asked a question.

"Uh... you've, uh... met, I guess." she didn't bother turning her head towards Erin until she addressed her personally. "Hi, how've you been?" Liv shrugged, not really giving an answer. She figured she could guess how well she was by the bruises on her face. It wasn't hard to tell, really. It looked like Liv had been mugged by a gang, in all truth.

“How long have you been in the States?” she turned back to Yukito. Then she watched hesitantly as his expression changed. “Are your parents...?”

"No," she answered his second question first. "They don't go out much these days." She chose her words carefully, stealing a glance at Erin while doing so. Her expression was guarded and she was just waiting for the moment he would say her name, not that she ever wanted him to say her name ever EVER again, it's just that she knew it was inevitable. Her green eyes met his familiar ones and all of her energy seemed to drain out of her, as if she was just a wind-up toy that had gone too far and couldn't move again. This time she did give in and reach towards the nearest sturdy shelf, a shudder going through her aching body involuntarily. It was really him...

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Your Norwegian..." Liv started hesitantly, only addressing Yukito. ”Still sucks."

“Yeah, but your English is better," he told her, his smile growing, and Erin's confusion mounting. What was this?? "Oh my God, Liv!” Liv just nodded. And she watched them, bewildered.

"Uh... you've, uh... met, I guess." No one answered her. They didn't even answer her! What the crap? She turned to address Liv. Liv was shy, but nice... maybe she'd at least be nice enough to fill her in on all the unspoken things floating around them.... "Hi, how've you been?"

Liv shrugged, and Erin could guess how she'd been. Looked like she'd been greeted by a brick wall on part of her face... it had to hurt. Unsure of how she was supposed to respond to Liv's tight silence, Erin just started to say whatever came to her mind. "I haven't seen you come in here before. Have you been in here before? I probably missed you, you know, with running around everywhere else- well, I don't mean running around literally, but--"

“How long have you been in the States?” Yukito asked, cutting her off and saving her from more rambling, but at the same time, he cut her off. It was like she wasn't even there. To either of them. “Are your parents...?”

"No," Liv answered quickly. "They don't go out much these days." Liv actually sent Erin a look. And she couldn't read it, but she was sure it was a look that said "you shouldn't be here to hear this." She frowned and moved closer to Yukito, hoping to remind him that she was still there.

"So... um, I met Liv over in, what was it, like, Jackson Square, wasn't it? But I didn't know you met her, too... before.. me?" she asked, looking up at Yukito almost pleadingly for an answer. Erin looked back over to see if Liv had something to say, too, but she was holding onto the shelf like she might fall, and shuddered. "Get a place for her to sit," Erin muttered to Yukito, then walked around the counter to Liv. "Hey, wanna come sit down back here? We can talk. Or not, whatever's fine," she added on quickly. Liv had clearly shown she wasn't much of a talker. And things were getting... thick.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"I haven't seen you come in here before. Have you been in here before? I probably missed you, you know, with running around everywhere else- well, I don't mean running around literally, but--" Erin started, but Yukito could only see the images flashing through his mind, the memories, and the familiar voices he hadn't heard in years.

“How long have you been in the States?” he asked, then added, “Are your parents...?”

"No," she answered abruptly, making him frown. "They don't go out much these days." He could tell she was being cautious, and she sent a meaningful look to Erin. Yukito let out a sigh, feeling Erin's movement closer to him and wrapping one arm around her waist. Of course she'd be skeptical of Erin, but she had to know that of all people, Erin could be trusted. He met her eyes, startled by how vibrant that green still was, and suppress a shudder as a chill ran up his spine.

"So... um, I met Liv over in, what was it, like, Jackson Square, wasn't it? But I didn't know you met her, too... before.. me?" she asked, looking up at Yukito almost pleadingly for an answer. He nodded, his voice flickering away from him like a star that had just burnt out and constricting his breathing as Liv continued to watch him, both of them not wanting to mention her but knowing they would soon enough. There was no way to explain to Erin what the hell was going on without saying it.

"Get a place for her to sit," Erin muttered to Yukito, then walked around the counter to Liv. "Hey, wanna come sit down back here? We can talk. Or not, whatever's fine."

"Yeah, you should come sit down for a few minutes, Liv," he gestured to a nearby seat. Turning to Erin, he swallowed the lump in his throat and began, "Erin..uh..this...Liv...she's...she was Natalie's sister. I met her in Tokyo the same summer I met her." The name rolled off his tongue too easily for all the pain it brought up. To Liv, he said slowly, "This is Erin..my girlfriend."

[issie]

Liv Aldis

Erin started rambling, completely using Liv in all of her words spoken so quickly. But he cut her off, which was rude but she didn't care at this point. Yukito had all of her attention and she had a feeling that eventually he wouldn't be too appreciative of that attention.

“How long have you been in the States?” he asked, then added, “Are your parents...?”

"No," she answered quickly, watching him frown. "They don't go out much these days." She sent a look to Erin, trying to keep as much hidden as possible, earning a sigh from the guy who used to be with Natalie. Her eyes widened as she watched Erin move closer to him and he wrapped a protective arm around her waist. Then she knew what was coming and her hand shot out to grasp a nearby surface to keep her steady. This was just all too much and she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. She shuddered, tilting her head forward so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"So... um, I met Liv over in, what was it, like, Jackson Square, wasn't it? But I didn't know you met her, too... before.. me?" she heard Erin's confused voice again but she wasn't listening. She felt very tired then, as all the knowledge sunk into her brain. She just knew he was going to say her sister's name, sooner or later. And she wasn't exactly sure she could handle it.

Erin muttered to something to Yukito and her head snapped up to continue watching them. She was walking towards her but Liv stayed perfectly still, her knuckles turning white from her grasping the shelf hard. "Hey, wanna come sit down back here? We can talk. Or not, whatever's fine."

Liv could tell she was trying to help, but right now she really didn't need to have her around and listening in to all of her family secrets that were meant to stay hidden from everyone. Completely hidden. Don't you dare say her name. she hissed spitefully in her mind.

"Yeah, you should come sit down for a few minutes, Liv," he gestured to a nearby seat and her shoulders slumped forward, feeling defeated and exhausted more than she had in a very long time.

"Erin..uh..this...Liv...she's...she was Natalie's sister. I met her in Tokyo the same summer I met her." She froze again, her eyes raising to met his with so much anger that she had held back for so long. Her sister's name rolled off his tongue in a way that just added to her building fury. She knew she was going to start a scene here, she just knew it. And what little restraint she had faded too quickly when he said, "This is Erin..my girlfriend."

"Don't you DARE say her name again!" she exploded, moving towards him threateningly. The pain throughout her body lessened with the extra adrenaline flowing through her at her fury. Her fists clenched at her sides and she walked up to them, completely ignoring Erin. "So you told her?" she growled, her voice dangerously low as she pointed a finger at the girl standing next to him.

She was shaking with all the built up resentment being released, tears freely streaming down her face. "Did you tell her how you watched her die? You watched my big sister die and said NOTHING!" She couldn't help herself then as she raised her hand and slapped him. The first truly intentional pain she inflicted on a person other than herself. More tears fell as she gritted her teeth against the pain the movement caused her. "She loved you more than life and you let her die. You're no better than our parents." She scowled.

People were staring, she knew but she didn't care. She refused to. "They wouldn't even let me go with her..." she said, looking him right in the eyes as she said this, her bright green eyes bloodshot and stained with tears.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"Hey, wanna come sit down back here? We can talk. Or not," Erin tacked on quickly. Liv wasn't a talker, and things already seemed too thick. "Whatever's fine."

"Yeah, you should come sit down for a few minutes, Liv," Yukito seconded, and Erin could just sense the evil glare Liv was probably giving them both. She looked up at Yukito pleadingly, again, wanting answers. Just talk to me... Finally, as if he'd heard her, he did.

"Erin..uh..this...Liv...she's...she was Natalie's sister. I met her in Tokyo the same summer I met her." For a moment Erin only looked at him and blinked, letting his words sink in. Natalie's sister... She'd met her and had a connection, however small and thin, with her, and she would have never known.... Erin opened her mouth, groping for something to say. To Yukito, maybe, but mostly to Liv. "Uh--" Hey, did you know that your sister's ghost still haunts him? Hey, if she hadn't died, we never would have met! Isn't that nice? Hey, your sister seriously screwed him over by what she did, do you know how hurt he still is from that? Hey, did you know sometimes your sister still makes me want to cry, and I'm not sure why? "Uh-- I..." I'm pretty sure you want to kill me now... Automatically, Erin pulled herself closer to Yukito.

"This is Erin..my girlfriend."

Immediately, Liv exploded, in a way Erin never would have guessed possible. "Don't you DARE say her name again!"

Erin's mouth fell open in angry shock. "He can say her name if he dang well pleases!" she wanted to shout back, in his defense, but Liv was on a roll and drowned out any opportunity to speak back.

"So you told her?"

Liv pointed at her, but addressed Yukito, and Erin wasn't going to sit by and take that. Sister or no sister, she had no right to treat either of them that way. Especially Yukito, after everything he'd done... "She's not a secret, Liv! She shouldn't be! Don't talk to him that way!" She leaned forward to glare at the accusatory finger Liv sent her way.

And now Liv was crying. "Did you tell her how you watched her die? You watched my big sister die and said NOTHING!"

Once more Erin's eyes widened in shock, but so did her whole face. She was accusing him of neglect?! She was blaming him?! After everything he'd done for her?? "Shut up!" she screamed back, jumping into extreme defense, but not soon enough-- a resounding clap stole her attention, and for a moment Erin paused in disbelief. Liv had hit him... She'd hit Yukito!

Immediately Erin wrapped herself around Yukito and tried pulling him away, to distance him from her, eyes locked, seething, on Liv, mentally calling her every undesirable name she knew, some of which slipped out in hisses or shouts from her mouth. In a total one-eighty, Erin gently touched the place where Liv's hand had hit him. Another violent glare at Liv. "Don't you dare touch him again," Erin commanded, the threat unspoken but laid heavily in her voice.

Liv didn't seem to give a care about Erin now, which, deep inside, disappointed her, despite the rage she felt against her of first accusing Yukito of everything, then hitting him... She'd wanted Liv to be her friend. Now that was never going to happen. "She loved you more than life and you let her die. You're no better than our parents."

Erin felt herself shaking in anger and lunged towards Liv, leaving Yukito alone. "It's your fault!" Erin shouted back, now screaming, her hands balled into fists, shaking at her sides, then at the sides of her temples, then covering her eyes, then back to her sides.... "It's your fault he can't forgive himself because you think these things!! He loved her, you stupid idiot, more than you'll ever know!" And now she was crying, burying her face behind her hands, pressing hard on her eyes so little sparks and shapes of color surfed around in the dark.

"They wouldn't even let me go with her..." Liv finished, now sounding so much calmer.

But Erin was still sobbing, still registering jut how much blame this girl was putting on Yukito. "He did everything for her!" she cried, keeping her face turned away and covered... They knew she was bawling but they didn't have to see it... "He loved her with everything...." She wiped away her teary face with her shirt and turned to give Liv one last piece of her mind. "And if she loved him 'more than life' like you say, why did she do that to him? To both of you!?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"Erin..uh..this...Liv...she's...she was Natalie's sister. I met her in Tokyo the same summer I met her." For a moment Erin only looked at him and blinked, letting his words sink in.

"Uh--Uh-- I..." Erin stumbled through a response, and he pulled her closer to reassure her, and looked to Liv. Please...understand this.

"This is Erin..my girlfriend," he stated simply. He wasn't sure how he had expected her to react, but by the time he looked to Liv again, he could see the fury in her eyes as it erupted into a million little explosions of hurt, anger, and mourning.

"Don't you DARE say her name again!" He jumped a little in surprise, and he heard Erin start to say something, but Liv continued her tirade, jutting an accusing finger at Erin. "So you told her?"

"Would you rather she be forgotten?!" Yukito snapped back, at the same time Erin shouted, "She's not a secret, Liv! She shouldn't be! Don't talk to him that way!"

Tears streamed down Liv's face, and Yukito felt his heart clench to see it. He had seen Liv cry before, but every time her sister had swooped in to comfort her. Now her sister - and him, apparently - were the cause of her tears. "Did you tell her how you watched her die? You watched my big sister die and said NOTHING!" Erin was shouting again, but Yukito didn't hear her, feeling his own eyes start to sting. He refused to let them fall.

"I know that!" he shouted back, "Don't you think I'd--" He was cut off by the stinging sensation of Liv's hand smacking against his cheek, making him jump and he heard a gasp, then a string of words he was sure he hadn't taught Erin, and some he was sure she could only have heard from him. Yukito glared at Liv with fury, refusing to lift his face to his cheek to test its pain as it burned and reddened. He felt Erin gently touch it, trying to comfort him, but he could hardly feel her and did not react beyond touching her hand in warning not to touch and murmuring, "I'm fine..I'm fine.."

"Don't you dare touch him again," Erin commanded darkly, making Yukito glance toward her, hoping she wouldn't do anything drastic.

Liv, however, paid Erin no mind, immune to the threats that would very likely be realized to an unexpected sting. "She loved you more than life and you let her die. You're no better than our parents."

Yukito closed his eyes at that, not sure what to say. In a sense, he wasn't any better. He had hit, he had screamed, he had ran away. Maybe not to Natalie, but he'd certainly not been who he was now. And even then, he had hurt Erin so many times... He felt a chill rising up his spine and felt as though gravity had suddenly decided to get revenge on him for running so long, pulling him down and making him weighted and weary.

"It's your fault!" Erin shouted back, her voice catching. For one horrible second, his mind didn't soak in who she was speaking to. "It's your fault he can't forgive himself because you think these things!! He loved her, you stupid idiot, more than you'll ever know!"

"They wouldn't even let me go with her..." Liv finished quietly. Yukito looked between the two of them for a moment, unsure of what to do, what to say, to make any of this better. He just wanted to run from it again. Just once, couldn't he have escaped this phantom? Had Natalie known that, from beyond the grave, she could have twisted and contorted the lives of three people like this? Had she known what kind of a legacy, what kind of an empty, bitter feeling she would leave behind?

"He did everything for her!" she cried, keeping her face turned away and covered..."He loved her with everything...."

He could hear the sorrow in her voice, knowing the way she constantly tried to escape the shadow of Natalie in her Yukito, and the way it had all changed because of her. But the way she said 'he loved her with everything' made his chest constrict and each breath start to hurt.

"Erin, she just... she doesn't.." He couldn't just say that he didn't think Liv meant it, that she was just blaming him because she had a right to be grieving, in the same way he had been for the last four years.

Erin wiped away her teary face with her shirt and turned to give Liv one last piece of her mind. "And if she loved him 'more than life' like you say, why did she do that to him? To both of you!?"

"I tried!" he said to Liv, hearing in his voice the evident strain, but trying in vain to stay calm and explain this to her. "I tried so hard to..." He swallowed, "There wasn't anything I could do for her. She'd already done too much." He looked down at the ground for solace, then lifted his eyes to her face. "I'll never be able to forgive myself for that day, but I didn't just sit there and watch her. She meant more to me than anyone. Losing her was the hardest thing I've ever had to face. And I'm guessing that's why you're so mad at me - because you're blaming yourself, too. But do you really think this is what she wanted? For you? Me? Herself? If she had any idea that this is where we would end up, I swear she could have had the strength to stop. But she didn't think about that. She left us. She LEFT us, Liv. For a little relief. Because she couldn't stop herself. And we tried. She told me a million times that the only reason she didn't finish her work was because she didn't want to leave you alone, with your f***ing messed up family that makes mine sound like one big happy family."

"I KNOW, Liv. I know. But getting angry doesn't fix what she did. And you can blame me if you want. But it doesn't change that she did it, and it doesn't bring her back."

[issie]

Liv Aldis

Yukito glared at Liv with anger after she had slapped him, but she didn't care. Neither did she care about the way Erin had suddenly gotten protective over him. Like she cared. He deserved it for leaving her sister all alone and leaving her alone with her parents. Though she did feel a bit of regret as she saw the mark darken on the side of his face. he whispered something to Erin, but she was too mad to hear. Her pulse racing, pounding in her head. She never remembered being this angry before in her entire life.

The girl standing next to Yukito started talking again, and Liv was ignoring her. She didn't belong in this argument, even if it was her boyfriend that had gotten hurt. Her boyfriend. She gritted her teeth together, feeling completely like he was officially abandoning Natalie, which only fueled her anger.

"She loved you more than life and you let her die. You're no better than our parents." Liv hissed, watching as he closed his eyes as if she had slapped him again but he didn't say anything, causing more angry thoughts to bounce around her head.

"It's your fault!" Erin shouted back and she ignored her again. She didn't know everything. She wasn't there and there was no way she could have realized that complete and total loss of a sister dying. She, essentially, knew nothing. "It's your fault he can't forgive himself because you think these things!! He loved her, you stupid idiot, more than you'll ever know!" Liv ignored her again.

"They wouldn't even let me go with her..." Liv finished, her voice quieter than before. She grimaced, her eyes downcast and full of tears. Tears that she had held back for so long because she had so much hatred stored up inside for him. A small part of her told her that it was wrong to do what she was doing, but the vast majority of her wanted to hurt him like he had hurt both her and Natalie.

"He did everything for her!" Erin spoke again and Liv glared at her sobbing form. She didn't know anything. Why was she insisting on talking when she was wrong."He loved her with everything...."

"Erin, she just... she doesn't.." Yukito started and Liv's fists balled even tighter at her sides, her knuckles turning white. He shouldn't try to speak for her, he wasn't even at her funeral. How could he possibly know anything about Liv after that. He ran away, like a child running from a chore. No, he couldn't speak for her.

"And if she loved him 'more than life' like you say, why did she do that to him? To both of you!?" She turned to Erin, something inside her snapped and she could feel it. It was the last of her patience, but Yukito spoke before she could say anything.

"I tried!" His voice was strained and she scoffed at him. Then why did she DIE?!

"I tried so hard to... There wasn't anything I could do for her. She'd already done too much." She stood there, deathly still as he started talking again. "I'll never be able to forgive myself for that day, but I didn't just sit there and watch her. She meant more to me than anyone. Losing her was the hardest thing I've ever had to face. And I'm guessing that's why you're so mad at me - because you're blaming yourself, too. But do you really think this is what she wanted? For you? Me? Herself? If she had any idea that this is where we would end up, I swear she could have had the strength to stop. But she didn't think about that. She left us. She LEFT us, Liv. For a little relief. Because she couldn't stop herself. And we tried. She told me a million times that the only reason she didn't finish her work was because she didn't want to leave you alone, with your f***ing messed up family that makes mine sound like one big happy family."

"You LIAR!" She screamed in desperation, hating how she could hear the truth in his voice. "She wouldn't leave me! She took care of me!"

"IKNOW, Liv. I know. But getting angry doesn't fix what she did. And you can blame me if you want. But it doesn't change that she did it, and it doesn't bring her back."

She dropped to her knees then, sobs wracking her body with no mercy. "She wouldn't leave me with them, she knew." she whispered to herself between breaths. "She loved me. She loved me... I know she did. She wouldn't leave me alone."

She spoke in circles, trying to deny what she knew was the truth. Natalie had left her all alone. What kind of love did that show? Leaving her with people who liked to hurt her again and again.

"It's my fault too." she said, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I found the little knives. I saw blood..." She buried her head in her arms and just sat there, letting the anger and hurt wash over her in waves. She felt like it had just happened, like she was still young and scared without her big sister to comfort her and fix her cuts.

She knew that she looked utterly pathetic to them, but she couldn't help herself. Natalie left her.

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

Nothing Erin said registered with Liv-- before, they'd seemed to have a connection, to have gotten along and could have bee friends. Now Liv probably wanted to kill her, if she ever took the time to acknowledge her existence. She had no place here. She was the idiot, inexperienced in death and pain and all the things Liv and Yukito knew well. Nothing she said was heard, because none of it mattered. Why did she even try?

Suddenly all she wanted to do was pull into Yukito's arms and disappear from here and forget any of it ever happened. That she ever tried to understand.

Liv lashed out at Yukito continuously, finally breaking him.

"I tried!" he shouted, and she wished so much she could shield him, whisk him away from Liv's hurtful and thoughtless accusations, the ones she knew would haunt him later tonight... "I tried so hard to... There wasn't anything I could do for her. She'd already done too much." Erin reached out to gently rest her hand on his arm, a silent attempt to let her know she was still there for him, even if she didn't know anything. "I'll never be able to forgive myself for that day, but I didn't just sit there and watch her. She meant more to me than anyone. Losing her was the hardest thing I've ever had to face. And I'm guessing that's why you're so mad at me - because you're blaming yourself, too. But do you really think this is what she wanted? For you? Me? Herself? If she had any idea that this is where we would end up, I swear she could have had the strength to stop. But she didn't think about that. She left us. She LEFT us, Liv. For a little relief. Because she couldn't stop herself. And we tried. She told me a million times that the only reason she didn't finish her work was because she didn't want to leave you alone, with your f***ing messed up family that makes mine sound like one big happy family."

His words peeked her curiosity, and Erin felt the shame at the questions in her head. What could be worse...?? But ehr thoughts were broken by Liv's icy voice, and she jumped at the sudden fury coming from the small form before them.

"You LIAR!"

Erin couldn't help it-- she screamed back louder for her to shut up, adding names she knew would make her parents frown, and gripping tight to Yukito in case she wanted to do anything stupid and impulsive. Even though she knew now Liv saw her as invisible. As nothing.

"She wouldn't leave me! She took care of me!"

"I KNOW, Liv. I know. But getting angry doesn't fix what she did. And you can blame me if you want. But it doesn't change that she did it, and it doesn't bring her back."

Erin hid her face in Yukito's shirt, closing her eyes tight. "Let's go, let's just go," she muttered, hoping only he could hear.

But Liv was still going, still whispering. "She loved me. She loved me... I know she did. She wouldn't leave me alone."

But she DID! She did, and she hurt Yukito, and she hurt you, and the hurt's not gonna go away... But she couldn't say anything. She didn't know anything. She was stupid.

"It's my fault too." Liv's voice came a bit clearer now, and Erin let herself cry a little. "I found the little knives. I saw blood..."

Why am I even here? Why don't I just leave and let them mourn together? I should just leave. But I don't want to... Erin remembered how Yukito had been when she'd left last time Natalie had come up seriously between them. And even if her intentions were decent, she couldn't ever do that to him again. Instead, Erin just hugged him. Trying to comfort him, in the only way she could think of.

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"You LIAR!" Liv screamed, and Erin shouted back at her to shut up, in addition to another string of words. For one long moment, Yukito looked over at her in surprise. When did I teach you that?

"She wouldn't leave me! She took care of me!"

"I KNOW, Liv. I know. But getting angry doesn't fix what she did. And you can blame me if you want. But it doesn't change that she did it, and it doesn't bring her back." He could see the affect of his words on her, as she dropped to her knees on the ground, defeated.

Now Erin was burying her face in him, her fingers clenching the front of his shirt, searching for comfort. "Let's go, let's just go," she muttered quietly, so that he could barely hear her. Yukito wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close to calm her. But he couldn't leave yet, not while Liv was so vulnerable, and so familiarly broken, on the ground before him.

"She loved me. She loved me... I know she did. She wouldn't leave me alone," she whispered, as though it was the last strands of her belief in her sister.

"She did love you," Yukito told her gently, "You don't have to doubt that for a second."

"It's my fault too." Liv's voice came a bit clearer now, "I found the little knives. I saw blood..." Erin's arms wrapped around him in a hug, and he knew she wasn't ready for this. Dealing with Natalie had been avoided ever since the day she had ran out of him, unable to even hear him talk about her. Now it was here, and there was no avoiding Natalie.

"Liv... I'm never going to forget Natalie. She was -" he looked at Erin and added, quietly, "- and is, a big part of my life, whether by my choice or not. But Natalie made mistakes, just like everyone else. She wasn't perfect. I spent so much time trying to figure out all the things I could have done differently, and now, four years later, I'm just now starting to heal." His hand on Erin tightened a little. "And I couldn't have done it alone, like you are trying to do. I can't imagine how hard that must be. But this is where we ended up, Liv. And it sort of feels like this is her way of trying to fix what she did, doesn't it? You're supposed to meet with me. Maybe if we try, we can move forward?" His hand dropped until he had Erin's hand in his, and he took a small step forward to offer his other hand to Liv. "I gave Natalie a place because she needed a little safety. I always wished it would last forever for her, and it didn't. I know that now, it would never have kept going like that inevitably. But now I'm growing up, and trying to face everything up until now. And I want you to know that, while I can't offer you a new past or constant safety, I can offer you a place, someplace to sleep or get away or talk.... You just have to say the word."

He swallowed, suddenly realizing that tears had been waiting in his eyes this whole time. He willed them back as best as he could. "Natalie would have wanted me to help you. I want to help you."

[issie]

Liv Aldis

"She loved me. She loved me... I know she did. She wouldn't leave me alone," she whispered to herself, forcing herself to believe it even though reality was screaming that it was a lie.

"She did love you," Yukito told her gently, "You don't have to doubt that for a second." Liv could feel her anger start to subside, then and left her with the growing feeling of loneliness and hurt. She hated that feeling, but she couldn't bring the anger back to push the worse emotions away.

"It's my fault too." she said, her voice slightly louder than before. "I found the little knives. I saw blood..." Her sobs were calming now, leaving her only with the empty feeling that she had felt for so long without her sister. She had left them both, there was no denying that anymore. So where did she go from there? She had made a fool out of herself and hurt Yukito and pushed Erin to the point where she hated her probably more than anyone in her life. Natalie wouldn't have wanted all this to happen. She wouldn't have let Liv snap like that, taking everything out on a person who used to be so close to him.

"Liv... I'm never going to forget Natalie. She was -" his voice dropped in volume. "- and is, a big part of my life, whether by my choice or not. But Natalie made mistakes, just like everyone else. She wasn't perfect. I spent so much time trying to figure out all the things I could have done differently, and now, four years later, I'm just now starting to heal." He paused and she let the words echo around her head in the silence there. "And I couldn't have done it alone, like you are trying to do. I can't imagine how hard that must be. But this is where we ended up, Liv. And it sort of feels like this is her way of trying to fix what she did, doesn't it? You're supposed to meet with me. Maybe if we try, we can move forward?" He paused again and she looked up to see him taking a small step towards her, his hand held down to offer her help standing up.

She stood, but didn't take his hand, only using the shelf close to her for support, not meeting his eyes. She was ashamed of herself, for making a scene, for hurting him and for Erin, completely using that little bit of connection they shared when they first met. "I gave Natalie a place because she needed a little safety. I always wished it would last forever for her, and it didn't. I know that now, it would never have kept going like that inevitably. But now I'm growing up, and trying to face everything up until now. And I want you to know that, while I can't offer you a new past or constant safety, I can offer you a place, someplace to sleep or get away or talk.... You just have to say the word."

She stood completely still, then. Hating how he sounded so sincere. He should want to strike her back, or hurt her in some way. That's how things were in life. People got hurt and they lash out and others lash out at them for lashing out and so on. So why was he even trying? Offering his hand like she was a close friend who needed to be comforted.

"Natalie would have wanted me to help you. I want to help you."

She shook her head at him. I should have died, not her. I was always the weaker one. Always. The tears that had fallen down and got into the cut on her face started to sting, but her brain was completely numb other than that.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, her whole body shaking slightly. Natalie was my everything. My sister, friend, mentor, teacher... Now even she would hate me, if she could see me now.

She gritted her teeth, remembering how she completely let go of religion after Natalie had died. All the preachers and books said that since she had committed suicide, there would be no heaven for her. And Liv refused to believe that, scoffing at churches and hating how they always thought they were so right. No. Natalie would not be in hell, because there wasn't one.

She looked at Yukito and Erin in turn, noticing how they held on to each other to stay strong and protect each other. Like him and Natalie used to do. I'm going to die one of these days. They're going to kill me, you know that. "Nothing will bring her back, your right." So I'm going to join her sooner or later. They'll never let me go. Her shoulder's slumped forward as she was completely defeated.

"I'm sorry." This time she looked towards Erin, knowing that she had just caused her majorly unneeded trauma which probably scared the heck out of her. She didn't need to know all of that at all, really and Liv knew that she should have shut her mouth sooner. To handle this differently. But there was no way she could turn back time and change it, no matter how many times she said sorry.

"You have to live with my sister's ghost as much as I do." Her eyes dropped to the ground again and she felt totally and completely ashamed. How could you make up for a whole scene like that? What were the right things to say? She had never been in this situation. She didn't know...

[GGJ5]

Erin Spenser

"It's my fault too," Liv was saying, still completely ignoring Erin. Erin, the invisible intruder. After all, why should she listen to her for anything? She knew nothing of what Liv and Yukito knew. She was just the stupid little new kid who had pushed her way into their circle, completely unaware.

Liv went on. Without her. "I found the little knives. I saw blood..." The words weighted on Erin's shoulders, a heavy load of guilt that made her feel as though she could sink. How could she have been so harsh to Liv? To Natalie? The only reason she could hold to Yukito and feel any comfort in him now was probably because of Natalie...

"Liv..." Yukito started as Erin took a deep breath. "I'm never going to forget Natalie. She was -" He paused, and Erin saw the look on his face. "- and is, a big part of my life, whether by my choice or not. But Natalie made mistakes, just like everyone else. She wasn't perfect. I spent so much time trying to figure out all the things I could have done differently, and now, four years later, I'm just now starting to heal." She felt his hand tighten around hers, a silent signal she was sure, but was lost as to what it meant. At least until Yukito explained it. "And I couldn't have done it alone, like you are trying to do. I can't imagine how hard that must be. But this is where we ended up, Liv. And it sort of feels like this is her way of trying to fix what she did, doesn't it? You're supposed to meet with me. Maybe if we try, we can move forward?"

Timidly now, Erin nodded, even though Yukito was addressing Liv. She was too, really, trying to say that she thought he was right-- in everything he'd said. She wanted Liv to know that, despite everything, even if they could never be friends now or if Liv always knew her as the idiot intruder, then at least she would know that... well, at least she would know she had Erin's support, whatever that meant.

It didn't look promising.

"I gave Natalie a place because she needed a little safety. I always wished it would last forever for her, and it didn't. I know that now, it would never have kept going like that inevitably. But now I'm growing up, and trying to face everything up until now. And I want you to know that, while I can't offer you a new past or constant safety, I can offer you a place, someplace to sleep or get away or talk.... You just have to say the word."

Erin's eyes widened as she looked at Yukito. Quickly, earnestly, she tried to communicate to him, no, no, no! It sounded like he was offering to keep Liv under their roof... and maybe she needed it, maybe she really, really, really did, but it was their home, and Liv hated her, and.. No, no, no, NO!

"Natalie would have wanted me to help you." No, he didn't hear a word she wanted him to hear.... It was all over now... Natalie... "I want to help you."

Erin couldn't help but feel the sudden relaxation of relief when Liv shook her head. "I'm sorry," she muttered, adding to the heaps of guilt on Erin's shoulders. How could she have been so uninviting to someone who clearly needed help? She'd only said no because she'd seen Erin's thought, she was sure of it. Stupid... I should have never thought those things... stupid, stupid!

"Nothing will bring her back, you're right."

Erin swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry." Erin blinked for a second-- she was talking to her? It definitely didn't do much to help the guilt-weight.

"Me, too," she said, honestly, feeling heat at the back of her neck. She loosened her connection with Yukito a little, her arms and hands relaxing somewhat. "For what.. I said..." And for what I thought... about you, and your sister. Especially your sister..

"You have to live with my sister's ghost as much as I do."

Erin gave a short little nod, but Liv probably didn't even notice-- she was looking down. Suddenly the words were out of her mouth before she could register they were on her tongue: "Do you hate me?"

[Elda Forever]

Yukito Maki

"I gave Natalie a place because she needed a little safety. I always wished it would last forever for her, and it didn't. I know that now, it would never have kept going like that inevitably. But now I'm growing up, and trying to face everything up until now. And I want you to know that, while I can't offer you a new past or constant safety, I can offer you a place, someplace to sleep or get away or talk.... You just have to say the word." Yukito looked to Liv's face for some sign, some suggestion of what he could do for her to help. "Natalie would have wanted me to help you. I want to help you."

But Liv just shook her head, either rejecting his offer or the idea that he could seriously have offered that to her in the first place, he didn't know. "I'm sorry," she murmured, giving a little shudder, trembling like a leaf. "Nothing will bring her back, you're right." Then she said it to Erin, "I'm sorry."

"Me, too," Erin said quietly, loosening her grip on Yukito for the first time since the conversation had started. Out of the corner of his eye, Yukito saw his manager approaching, and he didn't look happy. S***. "For what.. I said..."

"You have to live with my sister's ghost as much as I do." Yukito cringed at Liv's words, looking to the ground. She was right. Yukito had forced Natalie into Erin's life without her consent, and there was no denying that. Erin gave a little nod, acknowledging the pain and weight he had placed on her shoulders. The manager came up, and Yukito stepped away from the girls and towards the man, going up to explain the situation before they all three got kicked out of the place.

"I'm sorry," he told his manager, "It won't happen again. It's just..." How could he explain that the reason for three teenagers screaming in his store had been because they were all trying to get over the suicide of someone who was very important to each of them, in very different ways? That blame and guilt had been tossed around more easily than a toy. The conversation did not bode well, and a quietly hissed declaration had Yukito's frown deepening and a fresh wave of concern float over him. By the time he turned back to the girls, they had continued on in the conversation. Yukito came to Erin's side and whispered in her ear, "We need to go, now."