Hoshun

[GGJ5]

Hoshun Restaurant draws on the cuisines of China, Japan, Vietnam and other south Asian countries. There is pho soup and Vietnamese spring rolls, pad Thai, sushi, and more.

[The Phantom of Paris]

OOC: Yumi/Kagayaki, finally! XD BIC:

Yumi Saito

"So let me get this straight,"[/i] Sunnychan said as she and Yumi sat down at Hoshun. "That girl in the music store was Erin Spenser? Yukito's girlfriend?"[/i]

"Ex-girlfriend," Yumi mumbled as she glanced at the menu, relying on pictures to tell here what she could order since she couldn't read a word of English. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I wonder how much it would cost to get a ticket back home.

"You don't know that, Yumichan,"[/i] Sunny said matter-of-factly. Yumi looked up at her. "When was the last time you talked to your friends back in Chiba about Yukito? For all we know, she could have forgiven him. He could have gone begging her to take him back. Or he could have met someone else..."[/i] She smiled at Yumi sadly. "I mean, think about it--from the way she reacted we know that Erin still has some pretty strong feelings for Yukito."[/i]

I know, Yumi thought miserably. So do I. More than Spenser Erin could ever know.

Sunnychan was still speaking. "...and I know you still love him, but what if he's moved on even from Erin? Or what if they both came to their senses? Can you really go through with this if it means you'll break them apart?"[/i]

"I know what I'm doing, Sunny!" Yumi snapped. "I wouldn't be going through with this if I thought it would hurt him. I'm not that stupid. I know what I'm doing. I would never hurt him like she would. I know that."

Sunnychan sighed, and Yumi felt guilty about her outburst. I didn't mean it, it's just...how can you just assume that I'm not thinking about that stuff too? Do you think I haven't considered that maybe I'm wrong, maybe they are back together? Because I have. I've thought about it a lot.

I just refuse to believe that it's the truth, that's all.

Yumi turned her attention to the menu again, trying to decide between sushi and some sort of noodle dish that she didn't recognize as if food was really the most important thing on her mind at the moment. She couldn't think about Spenser Erin right now. It would just make her too upset.

I don't know if I can do this.

Sunny sighed. "I'm sorry, Yumichan. I won't even pretend that I know what you're going through. Just know that I'm here for you, okay? Because I want this whole thing to work out for you too."[/i]

Yumi looked up and sent her American friend a soft smile. "Thanks, Sunnychan. I know. But...can we talk about something else now?"

Sunny nodded, and the two girls returned to their menus just as the door to the restaurant opened.

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

He hadn't intended on going inside the restaurant. He was broke and didn't need to be going into places that required money. And he had promised himself he wouldn't, especially after he saw Yumi inside.

But... he'd already told Yuyukun he would talk to her. Kagayaki had said he would work it out.

And he had to, whether he liked it or not. Even if her friend was there. Taking a deep breath, he took a step back instead of a step forwards like he'd meant to. He ran a hand through his hair, which was still dyed mouse-brown from Cassiechan's party. It just made him so nervous to see Yumi, knowing he... he... he was still in love with her. Maybe. Yes. Wait, no. Maybe. Wait, probably.

Kagayaki clenched his teeth and pushed the door open, his eyes on where he was headed. 'I can't chicken out now. I have to end this, for Cassie. For me. For Yukito.' He found his adrenaline draining with every step. He waved off a waiter who asked him if he'd like a seat, wasting a few minutes until he got it across that his friend was already here.

Friend. It felt so strange to call her that now. She wasn't really his friend. She'd never been there for him that much. Just for Yukito. Even after Yukitokun left, Yumi had always seemed... distant. Like her heart had gone with him. But he'd thought they got over that, then it came back and slapped him across the face when she'd broken up with him.

And he had to settle his feelings for her now.

"Y-y-y-Yumi...ch-ch-chan..." he managed, stammering like a small child. He ran a hand over his shoulder and to the back of his neck, trying to stay calm. He swallowed. "I need to talk to you, real quick." This was spoken in a rush, like he had a limited time to say it. Kagayaki swallowed again. "Please." His eyes flashed over to her friend, then back to her. Looking at Yumi, a blush crossed his face and he looked down, his hands sinking into his pockets. He kicked at the floor. "I won't waste too much of your time. Promise."

'Be nice. Remember, she has no idea how much what she has said hurts me. I just have to figure out my feelings for her. Whether I feel sorry for her, and want to fix her, and want her happy, or if I love her. That's all, right? But it's so much harder than it sounds! Augh! Why do I have to do everything in a relationship MYSELF? This just isn't fair.'

[The Phantom of Paris]

Yumi Saito

The next few moments passed by without much trouble, even though Yumi could feel Sunny's eyes on her as she pretended to be absorbed in her menu. She just doesn't understand, and I don't blame her. I'm sure it sounds crazy to her, traveling halfway across the world just to talk to someone who tore your heart to pieces because some other girl just did the same thing to him. Sunny's not like me, she's so much more mellow and easy-going. She'd never imagine doing something this drastic...which is why she doesn't know how to help me, even though she's trying. I wish she would understand that it's okay.

And sometimes I wish we weren't so different.

She heard the door open but didn't turn around, putting her menu down and looking at Sunny. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped when she realized that Sunny was no longer looking at her. Her eyes were locked on someone behind them, widening slightly as if in surprise. "What--" she began before she froze, realizing who it must be, to make Sunny react like that...

I knew it. I knew you'd find me, Yukitokun!


"Y-y-y-Yumi...ch-ch-chan..."

For a moment, her entire body tensed up as she recognized the voice, and she looked at Sunny with eyes full of shock. Aidousan?

Slowly, she turned around, a smile on her face that did not reach her eyes. "Hello, Aidousan." He looked different, more nervous; he'd changed his hair. So different from before...is this what America has done to you? Will it change me too? For the better, or...

"I need to talk to you, real quick. Please."[/i] Yumi hesitated, looking over at Sunnychan again, as if begging her to do something to make her stay. Sunny only smiled at Kagayaki, bowing. "You're Aidou Kagayaki, right? Yumi's told me about you. I'm Walden Sunny. It's nice to meet you."[/i]

"I won't waste too much of your time. Promise,"[/i] Aidousan said, slipping his hands into his pockets the way he always used to.

Yumi sighed, then nodded. This certainly isn't the first time I had hoped that you were Yukito. And I know that it won't be the last.

"All right. I'll be right back, Sunnychan. Can you order for me?"

Sunny nodded, and Yumi stood up, walking past their table and out the door of the restaurant, coming to a stop on the sidewalk to the right of the door. "What is it, Aidousan?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. I wanted to avoid this entirely.

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

Yumi's friend looked at him strangely when he walked up. That just made him more nervous.
"Y-y-y-Yumi...ch-ch-chan..."

Yumi did not react well, and he friend seemed rather upset. Kagayaki was about to bolt when Yumi turned around and looked at him with a pasted smile he knew very well. He put on a similar one, but there was great pain in his eyes he couldn't erase. "Hello, Aidousan."

"I need to talk to you, real quick. Please." he blurted out, starting to shiver a little. Yumi looked like he was going to drag her off to the slaughter, and he bit his tongue hard. 'I know you don't give a f*** about me, so just let me get this over with, okay? Don't make a big deal out of it. I know, you want Yukito. Not me. But trust me, that's not going to happen. I won't let you. So just let me get you out of my life. I can't believe I still love you...'

Yumi's friend, on the other hand, seemed courteous enough. She sent him a bow and a smile. "You're Aidou Kagayaki, right? Yumi's told me about you. I'm Walden Sunny. It's nice to meet you."

He smiled with a bit of anger in his eyes. "Waldenchan, is that right?" He forced a bigger smile on his face that shown as obviously fake, unable to escape the image of how disappointed Yumi had been to see him. How desperate she was to get away from him, when it had been her that had hurt him. He knew that know. "I'm a big boy, no matter what impression she might have given you." His voice was coated with sarcasm and no sincerity. "I know she doesn't talk about me, Waldenchan. But it is nice to meet you." He bowed and a flicker of a real smile came onto his face, gone in an instant. Kagayaki turned to Yumi. "I won't waste too much of your time. Promise." He slipped his hands in his pockets, her eyes melting his resolve, like they always did.

She sighed and nodded, and his suspicions of her really not wanting to talk to him were confirmed. "All right. I'll be right back, Sunnychan. Can you order for me?" she said to Waldenchan. Waldenchan nodded, and Yumi got up and walked outside. Kagayaki followed close behind, anger building up inside of him that he forced down like the devil. He'd already been a jerk. This wasn't the time to explode. He could do that with Yukito. He couldn't trust Yumi with that. Even if something inside of him was still screaming that he do everything possible for her to take him back. Because he did still love her.

He just didn't trust her anymore.

"What is it, Aidousan?"

Kagayaki leaned against the wall, a look that held no joy on his face. He was frowning, disappointment on his face. "Aw, you didn't come to America to see me?" he said, the words slipping out without his consent. He faked shock. "Oh! That's right. You broke up with me. That's because you lied to me that whole time, dragging me along so you could pretend you weren't still in love with Yukitokun." Kagayaki swallowed, turning away from her. He sighed, his hands in his pockets again. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act that way, especially in front of your friend. But I just can't believe you came." He turned back to her, making sure he didn't meet her eyes, or even really look at her. "You think I don't have any idea why you're here? You're here because you think Yukitokun and Erinchan aren't together still, right? Well, too late. I came here to fix it, and I thought you just might have paid enough attention while we were dating to realize that I wouldn't give up. It ruined my birthday party, which I don't usually get, and it got me into a fist fight with my best friend, but they're fixed now." He pointed a finger at her, looking at her shirt collar instead of her face. "But that's not why I came here."

He had to look away again, feeling her eyes on him. "I came here to let you know that, even though you hurt me, and even though I get so upset whenever I think about how you never loved me.... not even close..." He had to swallow down the tears, putting a hand on his chest to calm his heart. "I... I had to tell you that..." He looked up, daring to meet her eyes. That was a mistake. Tears formed in his eyes. And not just little tears that could be blinked away. Huge, painful tears that could not be hidden or disposed of. They slipped down his face and all anger disappeared from his expression. "I did love you." Kagayaki had to turn completely away. "I... I know you don't want to be around me anymore, and I can't think of what I've done to deserve that. But I can only guess that I just wasn't good enough for you. And I'm sorry, if that's what it was. But I am not sorry that I'm not Yukito. Because there's nothing I could do about that, and it wasn't fair of you to not tell me... all that time, I thought that if I just tried enough... loved you enough... took care of you and picked up of the peices... that you might love me. But..." He began to shake, and the hand on his chest tightened into a fist. "No. No you could never love me. I'm not what you're looking for. And I never could be, no matter what I did. So I guess I sort of came here to tell you I'm sorry I made the mistake of being in love with you. And thinking I still was today."

Kagayaki turned back to her, his eyes glued to the ground. "Someone very special to me gave me some advice I just couldn't forget when I thought about you. 'Don't mix up feeling sorry for someone with loving them. They're not the same.' Well, I know what they mean now." He met her eyes one more time. "'Cause that's what I feel for you."

His eyes fell down again, and he waited for her reaction, ready to take whatever she would dish out. Because he'd decided back in Yukito's room that he wasn't going to back down on his decision. And when he'd seen Yumi's reaction to him, it had been cemented. It hurt, so much he couldn't describe it. But this was what they had become. And he had to accept that.

He could finally answer Yukitokun's question: "Do you love Cassiechan? Or do you love Yumichan?" Yukito had taken his answer of 'I don't know' very well. But now he could head back, in tears, and finally say he knew for sure. 'Cassiechan. I love Cassiechan. Because she loves me, and I know that for sure. And even if she hurts me, and I hurt her, that isn't going to change. And I won't be doing it alone. And she won't be anything like Yumi. Because Yumi lied to me. And I can't forgive her for that.'

'It's not fair.'

[The Phantom of Paris]

Yumi Saito

This was a different Aidousan than Yumi was used to. She didn't think she'd ever seen him looking or acting anything but sincere and happy, optimistic and always looking on the bright side of things...No, that's not true. He wasn't like that when we broke up. I know that much. But I've never, ever seen him act like this before...what happened to you, Aidousan?

"Waldenchan, is that right?" He asked, a fake smile probably no different from the one Yumi wore on her own face looking out of place on his. "I'm a big boy, no matter what impression she might have given you. I know she doesn't talk about me, Waldenchan. But it is nice to meet you."[/i] Yumi felt her mouth drop open before she realized it, and Sunny looked alarmed, too, but hid it quickly. You never talk to people like that. Ever. It's just not who you are.

"I won't waste too much of your time. Promise."[/i]

She couldn't say no. Not with seemingly everyone's eyes on her, most of all Sunny's disapproving ones. If she said no, she'd look like a terrible person, even if she was only refusing to spare his feelings. But Yumi didn't want to go. She didn't like this new Aidousan. He scared her.

What was it I said when I got off that plane? That I wanted to see you too, to make sure you were okay?

I take that back now. At the very least, I didn't want to see you until after I saw Yukitokun.

I can't take this right now. Not after what just happened with Spenser Erin.

But she agreed--what else could she do? She led him outside, feeling his eyes on her the entire time. When will you stop looking at me like that? What do you want from me? Once they were outside, she crossed her arms across her chest and looked up at him. "What is it, Aidousan?" she asked, dreading the answer.

"Aw, you didn't come to America to see me?"[/i] Once again, Yumi's mouth fell open, although the shock was quickly replaced by anger on her face. That's what you called me out of the restaurant for? Some things never change! Aidousan, however, plowed on before she could respond. "Oh! That's right. You broke up with me."

Sarcasm. Aidousan was being sarcastic. He had never used sarcasm before, that Yumi could remember--she didn't even know he really understood the concept. He was so different now. The Aidousan she'd known in Japan didn't use sarcasm. Not like that, not with so much hurt and malice behind his voice.

"Oh, stop it, Kagayaki," she told him briskly, but he didn't.

"That's because you lied to me that whole time, dragging me along so you could pretend you weren't still in love with Yukitokun. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act that way, especially in front of your friend. But I just can't believe you came."[/i]

Yumi didn't reply.

"You think I don't have any idea why you're here?"[/i] he asked. Yumi looked away. I was hoping you wouldn't. "You're here because you think Yukitokun and Erinchan aren't together still, right? Well, too late. I came here to fix it, and I thought you just might have paid enough attention while we were dating to realize that I wouldn't give up. It ruined my birthday party, which I don't usually get, and it got me into a fist fight with my best friend, but they're fixed now."[/i] Yumi looked up at him, her eyes full of anger. "That can't be true," she accused, hoping her voice had more confidence than she felt.

"But that's not why I came here. I came here to let you know that, even though you hurt me, and even though I get so upset whenever I think about how you never loved me.... not even close...I... I had to tell you that..."[/i] Their eyes met then, and the tears came, those horrible, huge crocodile tears that Yumi couldn't stand to see on anyone, much less in this situation. She looked down, refusing to give in, even as tears of her own threatened to spill down her cheeks. "I did love you. I... I know you don't want to be around me anymore, and I can't think of what I've done to deserve that. But I can only guess that I just wasn't good enough for you. And I'm sorry, if that's what it was. But I am not sorry that I'm not Yukito. Because there's nothing I could do about that, and it wasn't fair of you to not tell me... all that time, I thought that if I just tried enough... loved you enough... took care of you and picked up of the pieces... that you might love me. But...No. No you could never love me. I'm not what you're looking for. And I never could be, no matter what I did. So I guess I sort of came here to tell you I'm sorry I made the mistake of being in love with you. And thinking I still was today."[/i]

He wasn't finished. "Someone very special to me gave me some advice I just couldn't forget when I thought about you. 'Don't mix up feeling sorry for someone with loving them. They're not the same.' Well, I know what they mean now. Cause that's what I feel for you."[/i]

That did it. Yumi's head shot up, and she glared up at him through teary eyes. "You're sorry for me?You're sorry for me. Well, great. Thanks so much, that makes this whole thing just that much better. And still, you're actually pinning all the blame on me? You're trying to make it seem like you're the only victim here? Oh, that's a good one. You think it was easy doing what I did? You think it was easy deciding to come here? You don't know me at all, then. And how it's not my fault you couldn't figure it out, that you weren't smart enough to know what I really wanted!" Immediately after the words were out of her mouth she regretted them, but there was no taking them back now. "I'm sorry, okay? I tried. I really did. I tried to move on, I tried to l--" She swallowed hard, her words sticking in her throat. "I tried. I couldn't. I didn't mean to hurt you, but look where that got us. I screwed up, I know. I screwed up, and in the process I screwed both of us up. I know that. But don't you dare tell me this is all my fault, Kagayaki, because it isn't. You're not the only one who got hurt here. For a while I actually thought I could be happy, and I tried to be, for you. But I couldn't. I'm sorry."

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

He was ready to break down, but he couldn't let himself. He just stood there, head bowed, waiting for her reply, needing to hear what she thought of him now.

'You hate me, don't you? Damn it, that would make everything so much easier. Please. Hate men. Don't feel a bit sorry for me. That would make it easier for me to move on, right?'

Kagayaki felt Yumi's angry eyes, and they burned against his skin. "You're sorry for me? You're sorry for me. Well, great. Thanks so much, that makes this whole thing just that much better." They'd never been so open with each other the entire time they'd been dating. In a way, it was nice. And, in a completely different way, it hurt more than anything else.

"And still, you're actually pinning all the blame on me? You're trying to make it seem like you're the only victim here? Oh, that's a good one. You think it was easy doing what I did? You think it was easy deciding to come here? You don't know me at all, then. And how it's not my fault you couldn't figure it out, that you weren't smart enough to know what I really wanted!"

His mouth fell open, and his hands clenched into fists so tight that he felt his nails tearing through the skin there. He forced himself to look down, tears pouring down his face. "N... n... not... smart enough?" Kagayaki stared hard at Yumi. "Don't you get it?!? That's what I've been telling myself ever since you broke up with me! I... I've never felt good enough for you!"

"I'm sorry, okay?" she said, and he turned away.

"Don't lie to me."

"I tried. I really did. I tried to move on, I tried to l--" The words sounded choked, and he looked at her, anger beginning to melt away. "I tried. I couldn't. I didn't mean to hurt you, but look where that got us. I screwed up, I know. I screwed up, and in the process I screwed both of us up. I know that. But don't you dare tell me this is all my fault, Kagayaki, because it isn't. You're not the only one who got hurt here. For a while I actually thought I could be happy, and I tried to be, for you. But I couldn't. I'm sorry."

Kagayaki felt his lip trembling, and he felt suffocated. "Yumi..." This came out as more of a whimper than he'd intended. So he swallowed hard before continuing. "I never wanted it to be this way..." He turned to her again, reaching towards her with a shaking hand. But he stopped short, afraid of what that might do. Instead he just raised a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, willing away the headache that was pounding in his skull. "And I never meant to make you so upset. I just... I..." Kagayaki met her eyes, almost too scared to move. "It's just... it's been hidden inside for so long. I've tried not to be upset with you. I've tried to make it my fault, so that you couldn't be wrong. I tried to make it that I just wasn't good enough for you, that I didn't take care of you like I should have..." He clenched his fists again, looking away. "...wasn't smart enough..." He looked up again. "I tried not to be hurt. But that just made it hurt more, and I... I... I've never been very good at anything... I'm sorry..." Kagayaki touched her hand, just barely. "It's not your fault. I guess I just couldn't control myself, and that had nothing to do with you. I just felt... felt so used... and I couldn't believe you would do anything like that to me." He leaned closer to her, a slight and sad smile on his face. His voice dropped to a whisper.

"Can you call me Kagayaki again? Please?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Yumi Saito

The dyslexia. She'd completely forgotten about the dyslexia, about how ashamed and self-conscious he was of it. And she'd had to go and bring up the word smart. She stared at the sidewalk, willing it to rise up around her and swallow her whole, make her disappear into Hades for being so inconsiderate and cruel. He wasn't the one who didn't deserve me. I didn't deserve him, and I knew it that entire time. But I didn't say anything. I didn't say one word. And now...now I know just how right I was not to.

"N... n... not... smart enough? Don't you get it?!? That's what I've been telling myself ever since you broke up with me! I... I've never felt good enough for you!"[/i]

"I'm sorry, okay?" she said, and he turned away.

"Don't lie to me."[/i]

"I'm not lying, you selfish b******. I tried. I really did. I tried to move on, I tried to l-- I tried. I couldn't. I didn't mean to hurt you, but look where that got us. I screwed up, I know. I screwed up, and in the process I screwed both of us up. I know that. But don't you dare tell me this is all my fault, Kagayaki, because it isn't. You're not the only one who got hurt here. For a while I actually thought I could be happy, and I tried to be, for you. But I couldn't. I'm sorry."

She looked up at him, tears shining in her determined eyes. "What would you say if I told you that breaking up with you was the hardest decision I've ever had to make? What would you say if I said that I cried myself to sleep that night because of what I did? Would you believe me? How about if I told you that I don't regret any of it? I did what I had to do, okay? My choice may have been stupid, but it was the right choice. I might have been mistaken, but the choice wasn't."

"Yumi...I never wanted it to be this way..."[/i] He went as if to reach out a hand to her, but Yumi turned away. "Neither did I," she told his shirt.

"And I never meant to make you so upset. I just... I...It's just... it's been hidden inside for so long. I've tried not to be upset with you. I've tried to make it my fault, so that you couldn't be wrong. I tried to make it that I just wasn't good enough for you, that I didn't take care of you like I should have......wasn't smart enough..."[/i] There was that horrible word, that 'smart' again. You're not stupid! Stop saying that you are! I'm sick of it! "I tried not to be hurt. But that just made it hurt more, and I... I... I've never been very good at anything... I'm sorry..."[/i] He reached out a hand to touch hers, and Yumi stiffened, eyes flickering up to him in a mixture of anger and anxiety. "It's not your fault. I guess I just couldn't control myself, and that had nothing to do with you. I just felt... felt so used... and I couldn't believe you would do anything like that to me."[/i]

"I'm--I'm sorry too. I don't know what I was thinking. I thought I could be happy again...and I'm sorry I said...what I said. I had no right to do that."

"Can you call me Kagayaki again? Please?"[/i]

Yumi sighed, lowering her eyes. "I don't know, senpai. I...I don't know."

"I don't regret my decision. I know I did the right thing. We would have been miserable. Is that what you wanted, Kagayaki? Of course not. That's not who you are. I'm--I'm not sure who I am, not yet, but I know I wouldn't have wanted that for you.

"I...I really am sorry."

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"N... n... not... smart enough?" he stammered, shocked she would say something like that. 'You said you didn't want to hurt me. You lied to me.' "Don't you get it?!? That's what I've been telling myself ever since you broke up with me! I... I've never felt good enough for you!"

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying, you selfish b******."

He swallowed, deciding not to say a thing to that.

"I tried. I really did. I tried to move on, I tried to l-- I tried. I couldn't. I didn't mean to hurt you, but look where that got us. I screwed up, I know. I screwed up, and in the process I screwed both of us up. I know that. But don't you dare tell me this is all my fault, Kagayaki, because it isn't. You're not the only one who got hurt here. For a while I actually thought I could be happy, and I tried to be, for you. But I couldn't. I'm sorry."

Kagayaki saw tears in her eyes as she looked up at him, and it made him ready to break. "What would you say if I told you that breaking up with you was the hardest decision I've ever had to make? What would you say if I said that I cried myself to sleep that night because of what I did? Would you believe me? How about if I told you that I don't regret any of it? I did what I had to do, okay? My choice may have been stupid, but it was the right choice. I might have been mistaken, but the choice wasn't."

He was visibly shaking. "I thought that I was the only one who had done that... Yumi...I never wanted it to be this way..." Kagayaki almost touched her, but drew his hand back when she turn away.

"Neither did I."

"And I never meant to make you so upset. I just... I...It's just... it's been hidden inside for so long. I've tried not to be upset with you. I've tried to make it my fault, so that you couldn't be wrong. I tried to make it that I just wasn't good enough for you, that I didn't take care of you like I should have......wasn't smart enough... I tried not to be hurt. But that just made it hurt more, and I... I... I've never been very good at anything... I'm sorry..." He knew she didn't like it when he touched her, but it made him feel much better to feel her warm - and steady - hand as his world quaked. "It's not your fault. I guess I just couldn't control myself, and that had nothing to do with you. I just felt... felt so used... and I couldn't believe you would do anything like that to me."

"I'm--I'm sorry too. I don't know what I was thinking. I thought I could be happy again...and I'm sorry I said...what I said. I had no right to do that." He hated seeing her this upset, even if he had thought this was what he'd wanted.

"Can you call me Kagayaki again? Please?" He leaned closer to her, having to contain himself. 'I thought I was done with loving you. This isn't fair. Do crazy feelings become love, even if that means it hurts this much? No, that can't be right. Then that would mean.... No! That's not right! This isn't right!'

But when she sighed, and looked down the way she did... He felt his heart pounding, and his lips began to tremble; not from emotion. From containing himself. 'This doesn't make any sense. I was fine. I can't... I can't still...' "I don't know, senpai. I...I don't know."

He leaned a little closer, taking her hand very carefully. "I don't know a lot of the time." he said gently.


"I don't regret my decision. I know I did the right thing. We would have been miserable. Is that what you wanted, Kagayaki? Of course not. That's not who you are. I'm--I'm not sure who I am, not yet, but I know I wouldn't have wanted that for you."

Kagayaki let out a slow breath, happy she'd called him by his given name, but not that she thought she'd done it for him. He tightened his grip on her hand just a little. "Yumi. I'll figure out what's best for me now. Just take care of yourself." With his free hand, he wiped away some of his tears, then touched her tears with his fingertips. "We have to be two seperate people now, right?"

"I...I really am sorry."

He smiled softly, his face nearing hers and he didn't even realize it. "Yumi... I... I..." Their lips brushed for an instant, and it sent shivers through out his body. "Y...y.... yumi..." Then he kissed her, deeper than he should have. Pulling away for a second, his eyes still closed, his breathing was uneven and shallow. "Yumi..."

[The Phantom of Paris]

OOC: I might have lost count on how many times I may or may not have quoted "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George in this post. XD BIC:

Yumi Saito

"I thought that I was the only one who had done that..."[/i] he said, looking stricken. Yumi looked away, biting back the vicious smirk that threatened to appear on her features. "Then I guess there's still a lot you don't know about me."

"Yumi...I never wanted it to be this way..."

"Neither did I." But the problem was, she had. Not this part. Not the confrontation part, not the part where she realized that not only did Aidousan still have feelings for her, but that he had changed as well. But the breakup? I did want that to happen. I didn't want any of the rest of it to. Not at all. I didn't want any of this to happen...especially not before I found Yukito.

"And I never meant to make you so upset. I just... I...It's just... it's been hidden inside for so long. I've tried not to be upset with you. I've tried to make it my fault, so that you couldn't be wrong. I tried to make it that I just wasn't good enough for you, that I didn't take care of you like I should have......wasn't smart enough... I tried not to be hurt. But that just made it hurt more, and I... I... I've never been very good at anything... I'm sorry...It's not your fault. I guess I just couldn't control myself, and that had nothing to do with you. I just felt... felt so used... and I couldn't believe you would do anything like that to me."

I know that, she wanted to say. That's what made it harder, knowing you trusted me so much. But it had to be done, don't you get that? I had to break up with you. It was the only way we wouldn't be hurt anymore. Why can't you see that?

"I'm--I'm sorry too," she told him, meaning she was sorry for all of it--the car crash, the reason behind their breakup, this messy meeting. But not the breakup itself. I'm not sorry for that. "I don't know what I was thinking. I thought I could be happy again...and I'm sorry I said...what I said. I had no right to do that."

There. She had apologized, like she had wanted to do ever since she got off that plane. She had done it. Yumi felt a rush of relief. The hard part was over now.

Or so she thought, until he asked her to call him by his given name, like she used to. Her heart sank. That proved it--he still felt something for her, even after being so awful to her just a few moments before, even after everything she had put him through. Why do you do that to yourself? Why do you let yourself be involved with someone you just know is only going to hurt you in the end, Aidousan? Why do you do it?

But Yumi already knew the answer to that.

Because it was exactly the same with her and Yukito.


"I don't know, senpai. I...I don't know."

He took her hand, and she let him hold onto it even though ever instinct in her body was screaming at her to move away. "I don't know a lot of the time."[/i]

This was going too far. She had to end this, to set the record straight. She had to tell him that she wasn't sorry they broke up. "I don't regret my decision. I know I did the right thing. We would have been miserable. Is that what you wanted, Kagayaki? Of course not. That's not who you are. I'm--I'm not sure who I am, not yet, but I know I wouldn't have wanted that for you."

"Yumi. I'll figure out what's best for me now. Just take care of yourself."[/i] Before she could react, he reached out a hand to touch her face, where tears were spilling over despite her attempts to hide them. "We have to be two seperate people now, right?"[/i]

Yumi nodded, thrilled that for once, he understood. "Yes. You have to move on. We both do. I...I really am sorry."

He gave her a smile, and before Yumi could react he was leaning in closer. "Yumi... I... I..." His lips touched hers for the briefest of moments, like a butterfly landing on a flower. "Y...y.... yumi..." Another kiss, a real one, deep and filled with longing and regret. Despite herself, Yumi found herself start to kiss him back.

Just like before. Only not.

"Yumi..."

Yumi's eyes snapped open, and she stepped back, hands on his shoulders as if trying to physically push him away. Her body shook, but her voice was steady as she said, "No. We can't do this. We can't. I told you, you have to move on. I'm sorry. We don't belong together, Kagayaki. We've never belonged together. You've given me so much...but we don't belong together. It's my turn to give you something now. I'm telling you to let go. Move on. You have to."

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"I don't know, senpai. I...I don't know."

Taking her hand, Kagayaki tried to make her feel better. He couldn't help the little smile that slipped onto his face. "I don't know a lot of the time."

"I don't regret my decision. I know I did the right thing. We would have been miserable. Is that what you wanted, Kagayaki? Of course not. That's not who you are. I'm--I'm not sure who I am, not yet, but I know I wouldn't have wanted that for you."

"Yumi. I'll figure out what's best for me now. Just take care of yourself." He wiped away some of her tears, and his own too. "We have to be two separate people now, right?"

She nodded, seeming to be feeling better now. "Yes. You have to move on. We both do. I...I really am sorry."

But he still found himself moving closer to her face. "Yumi... I... I..." His lips lightly brushed across hers, which he could barely restrain himself to do. "Y...y.... yumi..." He couldn't help it. He kissed her, deeper than he should have, even though he shouldn't have kissed her at all. What really surprised him was, she kissed him too. His heart raced for a moment. "Yumi..."

The thrill didn't last.

She pulled back, looking up at him with wide, frightened eyes, pushing him back by the shoulders. "No. We can't do this. We can't. I told you, you have to move on. I'm sorry. We don't belong together, Kagayaki. We've never belonged together. You've given me so much...but we don't belong together. It's my turn to give you something now. I'm telling you to let go. Move on. You have to."

Kagayaki saw her shaking, and he bit his lip, ashamed for having made her so upset. "I'm sorry..." he whispered, looking away as more tears invaded his eyes. "I shouldn't be doing this... I just... It's not that easy when your heart's involved so much..." Then he shook his head. "I didn't mean that against you... I really didn't... I just... I just can't seem to do anything right..." He stepped back, holding his hands up in defeat. "I'm sorry I hurt you so much... I never wanted this for you..." He choked a little, turning away. "D*** it, I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm so sorry... What's worse..." He swallowed hard. "Is I have to tell her what I've done too... How am I gonna do that?" His voice was very low at this point, and he was talking more to himself.

"I guess I should explain myself..." he murmured. Meeting Yumi's eyes again for a moment, Kagayaki's hand ran through his hair, and he felt himself smiling. He couldn't help it, and he couldn't wipe it off his face. "You're not as bad as I am, trust me... Because, not only did I screw up by making you upset, I've also betrayed someone's trust because I'm too much of an idiot..." He shook his head, staring at the ground. "I've never been the sort to be disloyal... ever, for anything... you know that. But now... after what that guy did to her, how hurt she is... "

He kicked the sidewalk. "I just don't know what I'm going to do." Looking up at her again, he let his smile fade a little. "I know this might be mean of me, but... I'm going to need some help fixing what I've done, and... and... I can't tell Yukito, because, well she's kind of his girlfriend's best friend, and he might kill me." He put on a smile that was obviously held in place by force. "Got any ideas on how not to get myself killed for this? I mean... I know you'll forgive me, and it's not like she isn't a good person... she is, she really really is, but... I guess I don't know what to expect, after what she's been through... I can't imagine, and I need a friend right now. I know I don't deserve you being my friend, but... I know you will. Because I can make it up to you, I promise."

[The Phantom of Paris]

Yumi Saito

This was all wrong. She'd wanted to finally make things right, to get rid of the guilt that had been plaguing her ever since the night of the accident. She had wanted to make sure that he was okay, that he had moved on. That was all that was supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to still have feelings for her, and he definitely wasn't supposed to kiss her. Why is it that real life never works out the way I want it to in my mind? What's the point of even dreaming then, if I'm only ever going to be disappointed by what actually happens?

"I'm telling you to let go. Move on. You have to." Please. For both of our sakes.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't be doing this... I just... It's not that easy when your heart's involved so much...I didn't mean that against you... I really didn't... I just... I just can't seem to do anything right...I'm sorry I hurt you so much... I never wanted this for you...D*** it, I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm so sorry..."[/i]

"You're right. You shouldn't have," said Yumi calmly.

What's worse...Is I have to tell her what I've done too... How am I gonna do that?"[/b Yumi's brow furrowed in confusion at this. Who was he talking about? Who was this girl who he would have to tell? What was going on?

"I guess I should explain myself...You're not as bad as I am, trust me... Because, not only did I screw up by making you upset, I've also betrayed someone's trust because I'm too much of an idiot...I've never been the sort to be disloyal... ever, for anything... you know that. But now... after what that guy did to her, how hurt she is... "[/i]

Now she was beginning to understand. "So...you're saying that you met a girl here in America, and now you feel guilty because you kissed me. Which we both know you shouldn't have." It wasn't a question. You've changed so much...too much.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do. I know this might be mean of me, but... I'm going to need some help fixing what I've done, and... and... I can't tell Yukito, because, well she's kind of his girlfriend's best friend, and he might kill me. Got any ideas on how not to get myself killed for this? I mean... I know you'll forgive me, and it's not like she isn't a good person... she is, she really really is, but... I guess I don't know what to expect, after what she's been through... I can't imagine, and I need a friend right now. I know I don't deserve you being my friend, but... I know you will. Because I can make it up to you, I promise."[/i]

Yumi sighed, shaking her head. "Senpai...I don't know. You have to fix this yourself. Accept the consequences of what you've done. Move forward on your own, without relying on others for once. You do know how to do that, don't you? If you don't, it's time to learn, because you'll have to do that for the rest of your life. You have to rely on yourself, you know. Someone else isn't always going to be around to fix things for you.

"And this girl, whoever she is--you have to tell her. You can't just hide and pretend it never happened like you always do. You have to tell her. If you don't, it'll only make it worse when she does find out, because she'll know that you lied about it. Tell her, even if it hurts. Because, in the long run, not telling her is going to hurt more."

Another sigh. "Look, if you really think you need my help...then I guess I can try. But I'm not sure how much I can help if you don't help yourself."

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't be doing this... I just... It's not that easy when your heart's involved so much...I didn't mean that against you... I really didn't... I just... I just can't seem to do anything right...I'm sorry I hurt you so much... I never wanted this for you...D*** it, I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm so sorry..."

"You're right. You shouldn't have." Her voice sounded so cold... He hated how he had become something so horrible to her.

"What's worse...Is I have to tell her what I've done too... How am I gonna do that?" He reached up with one hand to try and cool down the back of his neck, which felt like it was burning. 'I can only hope she doesn't hate me... She'll feel so betrayed...' He looked over at Yumi. "I guess I should explain myself...You're not as bad as I am, trust me... Because, not only did I screw up by making you upset, I've also betrayed someone's trust because I'm too much of an idiot...I've never been the sort to be disloyal... ever, for anything... you know that. But now... after what that guy did to her, how hurt she is..." 'Do you understand? I don't know how else to say it...'

"So...you're saying that you met a girl here in America, and now you feel guilty because you kissed me. Which we both know you shouldn't have."

He swallowed. "I'm saying... I'm seeing a girl here in America..." he muttered, taking a deep breath, trying to continue. He stammered through a nonsense ramble, asking her to help him figure out how to fix this. She shook her head, and his hopes were shredded into tiny painful pieces.

"Senpai...I don't know."

He winced. "Please... stop... calling me... senpai..." he forced, his teeth locked together. "You can call me... Aidousan... just... n-not... senpai..."

"You have to fix this yourself. Accept the consequences of what you've done. Move forward on your own, without relying on others for once. You do know how to do that, don't you?"

Kagayaki looked up with tear-filled eyes. 'No. But I have to anyway. Why are you asking me? What difference would it make if I didn't?'

"If you don't, it's time to learn, because you'll have to do that for the rest of your life. You have to rely on yourself, you know. Someone else isn't always going to be around to fix things for you."

He felt an ironic laugh shake his shoulders, and he wiped his eyes to hide any traces of tears. "No one wants to, you mean. I... I understand."

"And this girl, whoever she is--you have to tell her. You can't just hide and pretend it never happened like you always do. You have to tell her. If you don't, it'll only make it worse when she does find out, because she'll know that you lied about it. Tell her, even if it hurts. Because, in the long run, not telling her is going to hurt more."

Not looking at her just yet, Kagayaki only nodded. "I know." These words were laced with something else. Something more angry than upset. So he kept his mouth shut.

"Look, if you really think you need my help...then I guess I can try. But I'm not sure how much I can help if you don't help yourself."

Meeting Yumi's eyes for a moment, he showed her a tight-lipped smile. "You don't want to help me, Yumichan. Just say so. It's... It's okay. I don't need you to tell me not to lie by lying to me. I know I've screwed up and I'm gonna try to fix it. I'm going to tell her. I just... I don't know how. But I guess I need to find that out on my own. No one wants to help me. I should be used to that by now." He stiffened, bowing and holding the position, his teeth dug into the inside of his lower lip. "I'm sorry I bothered you. I should... I should have just let you go on with your life." Standing up straight, he cursed under his breath as he used his sleeve to - once again - wipe away his tears. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, his throat too tense to speak it clearly.

He bit his lip again to keep it from trembling, but he couldn't help himself as he threw his arms around Yumi's shoulders in a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I loved you. I'll do better now... I promise. She... she's happy with me. I can't believe she is but she is. And I won't hurt her like I hurt you. I promise. Just... do me a favor, okay? Don't... don't let yourself take any less than you deserve. Find someone you love, who loves you too, and never play my part in a relationship, okay?" He released her, backing away and finding himself bowing again, but quicker this time. "Say sorry to your friend for me... I... I should go." He turned and walked away, his chest aching from the pressure of his heaving breaths.

'I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I always ruin things....'


Kagayaki has left

[The Phantom of Paris]

Yumi Saito

"So...you're saying that you met a girl here in America, and now you feel guilty because you kissed me. Which we both know you shouldn't have." She knew that had to be the reason. It was so like Kagayaki to become so attached to someone so fast, to such an extent that he would be so upset about a little slip-up like a kiss. Which was really all it was, wasn't it? Just a mistake? Sure, Yumi could have gone the rest of her life without it happening, and she wasn't too thrilled by the whole turn of events, but everyone made mistakes...right?

Was it just a mistake? Was it really?

Apparently not. It was more.

"I'm saying... I'm seeing a girl here in America..."[/i]

She didn't mean to, but her jaw dropped. "You...really?" she asked, shocked. This wasn't like him at all. To willingly do something that he knew would hurt his new girlfriend...that wasn't normal Kagayaki behavior. Oh, I had no idea how much I still meant to you...I'm sorry, I didn't know...I'm sorry...and I'm sorry, Miss, whoever you are...I'm sorry...

Before she really knew it, he asked her to help him. No. No way. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it...and really, what could I do? I don't even know this girl, or the rest of your friends, and I couldn't even talk to them if I did. Really, how could I do anything to help--and why do you want me to? You have to stop doing this...you have to learn to be strong by yourself for once. Yeah, I know it's hard, and I didn't think I could do it either, but it's possible.

But you actually have to try.

"Senpai...I don't know."

"Please... stop... calling me... senpai...You can call me... Aidousan... just... n-not... senpai..."

She nodded, not acknowledging how uncomfortable he was becoming. It's just a name... You have to fix this yourself. Accept the consequences of what you've done. Move forward on your own, without relying on others for once. You do know how to do that, don't you?" Yumi knew she was being insensitive, but the time had past for sensitivity. Being nice and sugar-coating it wouldn't help him. This was how it had to be. "If you don't, it's time to learn, because you'll have to do that for the rest of your life. You have to rely on yourself, you know. Someone else isn't always going to be around to fix things for you."

That strange laugh again, so unlike him. Cold, bitter, satirical. "No one wants to, you mean. I... I understand."[/i]

Yumi shook her head. "It's not that...no one wants to. It's just you have to learn to help yourself, and take care of yourself, and all that. And this girl, whoever she is--you have to tell her. You can't just hide and pretend it never happened like you always do. You have to tell her. If you don't, it'll only make it worse when she does find out, because she'll know that you lied about it. Tell her, even if it hurts. Because, in the long run, not telling her is going to hurt more."

"I know."

Ugh. I can't do this anymore. I've never been good at being mean, or blunt, or anything...I have to fix this now, don't I? "Look, if you really think you need my help...then I guess I can try. But I'm not sure how much I can help if you don't help yourself."

He looked at her then with another fake, pasted-on smile. "You don't want to help me, Yumichan. Just say so. It's... It's okay. I don't need you to tell me not to lie by lying to me."[/i] She opened her mouth to speak, to protest this, but he plowed on. "I know I've screwed up and I'm gonna try to fix it. I'm going to tell her. I just... I don't know how. But I guess I need to find that out on my own. No one wants to help me. I should be used to that by now. I'm sorry I bothered you. I should... I should have just let you go on with your life. I'm sorry."[/i]

"It's--"

Then, before she could continue, his arms were around her in a hug so tight Yumi could barely breathe. It was as if he was trying to suffocate her, trying to capture her and make her stay by his side forever while he tried to let go. Like he was trying to drink up every last bit of her before it was too late. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I loved you. I'll do better now... I promise. She... she's happy with me. I can't believe she is but she is. And I won't hurt her like I hurt you. I promise. Just... do me a favor, okay? Don't... don't let yourself take any less than you deserve. Find someone you love, who loves you too, and never play my part in a relationship, okay? Say sorry to your friend for me... I... I should go."[/i]

Yumi was too stunned to speak. "I--I will. Take care of yourself, okay? And...I'm sorry too."

And then he was gone, as quickly as he had come.

Yumi's eyes immediately welled up with tears, and she angrily threw a punch at the brick wall near her. "Why does everything have to be so hard?" she cried to no one in particular. She stormed back into the restaurant and grabbed her purse, the door closing behind her before Sunnychan hardly had a chance to react. Wrapping her arms around herself, she began the long trek alone back to the Walden's house, stubborn tears clinging to her cheeks.

This calls for The Little Mermaid. That always makes me feel better, doesn't it?

And so that's what she did, watching her favorite Disney film over and over, hogging the Walden's television and switching between the English version Sunnychan owned, with Japanese subtitles on, and the Japanese version she'd brought from home. But no matter how many times the familiar scenes unfolded before her eyes, they didn't help.

Not this time.

A very depressed Yumi has left Hoshun. >.<

[hanashyrexchana]

Juliet Eco Echo

August had to be the worst part of the year. Especially this August, in this city, with its ungodly temperatures over one hundred. And then there was the humidity that knotted Juliet's already curly hair into what looked like a dead animal she had found on the street and turned into a hat. It had taken her a full hour of running a comb through to get it looking half way decent, at which point she gave up and pulled it into a messy bun. Trying to be practical, she wore a swimsuit under her romper. Walking through this air felt swimming anyways, so she figured it was worth a shot. But now, as she drove into town with all the windows down in her old mustang, it just felt gross. Just plain nasty. 'Note to self; stop buying wire,' She had recently taken up making homemade jewelry, 'and save up to get this air-conditioner fixed.' The sticky seats were not worth any amount of ear-cuffs, no matter how retro they made her feel. Hopefully Raiu would be. She hadn't seen the guy since their little dinner date, which she had started feeling terrible about. It wasn't like she was avoiding him or anything. The nannying job simply didn't give many days off, and Juliet liked to sleep on the ones she did get.

Finally, after incredible traffic and a few skillful stripping removers, Juliet made it to the market center clad in only her swimsuit. 'Guess it's good I bought this thing after all.' She admitted to herself as she rolled on a few more layers of deodorant and slipped into her spare dress. The purchase had been forced upon her; after all, she did live in a house with a swimming pool, and Mrs. Singri had insisted on her owning a suit. Whether she used it or not. At least now she could change in public without feeling to scandalous. Not that Juliet was very modest in the first place, but she did feel better about showing off a polka-dotted two piece than any of the lingerie she had laying around. Parking was impossible, but Juliet managed to squeeze in between two vans, the safety of her car doors not her biggest worry for once. What she needed now was to get inside. She'd be surprised if she lasted another minute out there without fainting.

'Bless whoever invented airconditioning.' Juliet half tripped, half skipped inside, the door closing behind as she propped herself against the nearest wall. The only Chinese place back in North Dakota had always been to cold; so cold that teenagers only dared to wander in on the hottest of summer days. Now the freakishly low temperatures that felt uniform for all Asian restaurants felt brilliant. 'Ah, Asians. What can't our squinty-eyed friends do?' And that's what this place was; Asian. Not just Chinese or Korean or Vietnamese, but a weird melting pot of the entire continent. Luckily, the dress code seemed to be come as you are. The only people who seemed remotely fancy were the actual staff who, male or female, all wore black pants, a white shirt, and a black vest. Juliet got a better look at the uniform as she was seated by a small woman in her twenties. While the clothes looked manly and professional on the waiters, she had the look of a little girl who had crawled into her fathers work clothes. The ladies voice was sweet an quiet, and everything about her seemed neat. From her pony tail to her carefully painted nails (Juliet sneaked a peak at these when she was handed the menu). 'That just aint fair.' Once the girl hustled off to see to other customers, Juliet started half inspecting the menu, peaking over the laminated paper once in a while to see if Raiu was around. She hadn't exactly warned him of her visit, so there was a chance he was off that day. Planning wasn't exactly her forte. But the surprise would made it worthwhile, right?