72 Garden Lane--The Wright Residence

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

Cassie leaned back until she was laying on her bed, squinting up at the scrawled words on the notebook paper she held above her face. She could barely read her own handwriting, but she had reread the crinkled paper enough to know what it said word-for-word. It was her response to Clarence.

Originally, it had started as part of her journaling homework. Since the attack, she'd been seeing a therapist who had suggested that Cassie start keeping a journal. She'd gotten a plain white one at the store, hoping to decorate the cover herself with drawings and collages and such, but since then it had remained as undecorated as the day she'd bought it. As if I could do any art these days anyway...doesn't matter what Yukito says, this is not normal or fine or anything. My style is completely different now and I hate it.

The journaling assignments varied, everything from the mundane account of Cassie's everyday life, just like a normal journal, to more specific assignments that Laura, the therapist, encouraged Cassie to let her read. Cassie had had to describe her worst fear, write a letter to herself, that sort of thing. This week's current topic was Cassie's recurring dreams, and Laura had asked Cassie to describe them--both the one detailing the attack and the other, newer one: the night of her breakup with Kagayaki.

She had tried to start writing it, but had been distracted a few days ago by the wonders of facebook, formspring, and livejournal as procrastination tools. And that was when she'd found Clarence's entry.

Cassie bit her lip, staring up at the paper. Should she have written it at all? It was stupid, childish even, sporadic and flustered and so scatterbrained she doubted he would even get it as a piece of writing, let alone how it related to them. But he needed to get it. Because it was the reason she couldn't accept the seriousness of the relationship yet, no matter how many things he told her over MSN or the internet or whatever. It was the reason she had to be cautious. The reason that she was somehow more terrified of him than she'd ever been of Kagayaki.

But would he get it at all? Or would she end up only making the whole thing ten times worse?

As she lay there, she heard a loud knock at the door. She groaned loudly and put a pillow over her face, not wanting to deal with anything right now. It was far too early for her mother to be home yet, she knew, even though Kristen had taken to knocking on the door like that whenever she found it locked, as she was forever losing her house keys. Or was too drunk to find them in her purse. I wish it was her car keys...she shouldn't be allowed to get behind the wheel, ever... "Shelby!" she called, her voice muffled.

"What?" came her sister's voice through the wall. Shelby was obviously in her own bedroom.

"Get the door!"

Cassie heard the door to Shelby's room open, then the sound of bare feet padding down the hallway towards her. "Why me?"

She sighed. "Because your room is closer to the door!"

"Well, yeah, but I'm not in my room anymore, so..."

Cassie removed the pillow from her face, offering her sister an icy glare. Shelby met it without flinching, staring Cassie down for a moment before turning around, her arms held up in a 'what can I do?' sort of gesture. She put the pillow back on top of her as Shelby's footsteps receded down the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" she heard her sister ask skeptically. Then a snicker. "What, did you just escape from a rap video or something? Look, she's upstairs, but I don't think she wants to see you..."

[More than Music]

Clarence Morgan

It took long enough for someone to get to the door. By that time, Clarence had twisted his baseball cap around in frustration, trying to keep himself busy.

"Well, you sure took your time," he said, rolling his eyes as soon as he saw Shelby. "I guess you knew it was me, huh?"

"What are you doing here?"

Clarence narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm here to see your sister. You know, my girlfriend?" Then she snickered. She was snickering. Why was she snickering? "What?!?"

"What, did you just escape from a rap video or something?"

He just frowned. "No. Did you just escape from the circus? Don't ask stupid questions, Shelby."

"Look, she's upstairs, but I don't think she wants to see you..."

"Well, that's not likely," he said, shrugging around her until he was in the house. "I'm not company, remember? I'm temporarily family." Scaling the stairs quickly, Clarence went right to Cassie's door, knocking quickly then slowly opening it. "Hey angel," he sighed with a smile. "Look, I didn't know if you'd seen that story I sent you..." His words trailed off, his lips tilting into a crooked look of confusion. "Um... babe... what's with the pillow?" He moved over and tugged on the fabric. "Hey, feel like coming out and talking to me or what? Because I walked all the way from Annunciation Street to talk to you."

'And it's kind of really important to me.'

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"What are you doing here?" Shelby's voice carried up to Cassie even in her room, resonating faintly but clearly. And to think we thought she'd lost her voice for good. Guess not. She didn't sound scared or surprised, more...disbelieving. And more likely than not a little bored. Cassie sighed. Who was bothering them, and why wouldn't they just leave her alone? That was all she wanted right now. To be alone. Was that too hard?

Whoever was at the door didn't speak loud enough at first for Cassie to hear, but she heard the angry declaration of "What?!?" Cassie felt her heart clench. It wasn't him. It couldn't be, could it? No, that was ridiculous. Why would he come all the way over here just to talk about something like this? No, it couldn't be him. She refused to believe it. Childishly, she burrowed even deeper under the pillow, pressing it down against her ears to block out the sounds coming from downstairs.

Unfortunately, it didn't work half as well as she'd hoped. "Don't ask stupid questions, Shelby."

"I don't," Shelby countered. "Look, she's upstairs, but I don't think she wants to see you..."

Cassie let out a little moan of frustration as she heard the sound of rapid footsteps coming back up the stairs, too heavy to be Shelby's. Clearly, whatever her sister had said hadn't deterred Clarence in the slightest. She released her grip on the pillow, letting her hands fall so he wouldn't think she was trying to suffocate herself or something, and reached for Daisy, her stuffed bunny that she'd had since she could remember. The one that saw her through everything from hurricanes to breakups to...everything. Cassie, you're being such a baby...

There was a faint knock, and the door opened. She quickly pushed Daisy away from her, hearing a soft thud as the stuffed animal landed on the floor."Hey angel. Look, I didn't know if you'd seen that story I sent you..." Cassie remained hidden under the pillow, and she heard his voice trail of uncertainly. "Um... babe... what's with the pillow?" A gentle tug. "Hey, feel like coming out and talking to me or what? Because I walked all the way from Annunciation Street to talk to you."

"I don't feel good," Cassie whispered, a quiet lie, before pushing the pillow off her face. She looked up at him and tried to smile. "Hey," she said softly. "What is it?"

[More than Music]

Clarence Morgan

"I'm here to see your sister. You know, my girlfriend?" Her snickers broke his nerve. "What?!?" he demanded, feeling insulted but not sure why.

"What, did you just escape from a rap video or something?"

"No. Did you just escape from the circus?" he replied, frowning. "Don't ask stupid questions, Shelby."

"I don't," she told him, not looking pleased at all. "Look, she's upstairs, but I don't think she wants to see you..."

"Well, that's not likely," he muttered, managing to get inside even though she wasn't moving aside much. "I'm not company, remember? I'm temporarily family."

He went up the stairs quickly, for a moment having second-thoughts about whether or not to bring up the story.

What if she had a reason for not answering that he hadn't thought of?

"Hey angel..." His voice was softer with Cassie than with Shelby, that much was certain. "Look, I didn't know if you'd seen that story I sent you..."

She had a pillow on her head...

"Um... babe... what's with the pillow?" Curious, he tugged on the pillowcase a little. 'Why are you hiding, babe?'

"Hey, feel like coming out and talking to me or what? Because I walked all the way from Annunciation Street to talk to you."

'It's not exactly a short walk. Last time I checked, it was about four or five miles...'

She muttered something that made Clarence frown. "What's that?"

No answer. She just turned and faked a smile. Fake. A fake smile. That was a shot to his pride. "Hey," she breathed. "What is it?"

Clarence's face darkened. "I sent you a story. Didn't you see it?" He sat down on the bed beside her. "Cassie, I know... sometimes, I'm kind of a..." His hand fell on a piece of paper. "What...?" He touched it, for a moment remembering his story. Clarence saw his name on the paper, and that it was crinkled up. He looked in her face, his face not softening. "Angel... We need to talk. Did you even read the story I sent you?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"I don't. Look, she's upstairs, but I don't think she wants to see you..." Shelby said, causing Cassie to feel a rush of gratitude for her sister. Somehow, despite Cassie never telling her anything of the sort, she had known Cassie wanted to be left alone. She was willing to risk Clarence getting mad at her in order to keep Cassie happy. Or it was possible that Shelby just didn't want Clarence in their house. Either way, she was looking out for Cassie, something Cassie herself hadn't considered a possibility in a long time. When was the last time she'd tried to look out for her sister lately? It had to have been before Shelby's strange "recovery" from her self-imposed exile and isolation. Weird that the entire time she was doing a much more extreme, twisted version of what I'm doing now, all I wanted to do was bring her out of it, to have her be 'normal' again. And here she is, thinking the whole thing is fine and just going along with it...

As good as Shelby's intentions were, however, the ever-stubborn Clarence ignored them and galloped up the stairs. Cassie reached for Daisy, hoping for a bit of comfort before whatever storm was about to hit her and her relationship arrived. The moment she heard him knock on her bedroom door, though, she abandoned the poor little bunny in embarrassment, dropping her onto the floor so Clarence wouldn't see. "Hey angel..." He seemed deliberately trying to be more gentle with her now. Cassie remained where she was, lying on her back on the bed, the softness of the pillow covering her face. "Look, I didn't know if you'd seen that story I sent you...Um... babe... what's with the pillow?" He pulled on it gently, as if inspecting it. Cassie didn't react.

"Hey, feel like coming out and talking to me or what? Because I walked all the way from Annunciation Street to talk to you."

"I don't feel good," Cassie mumbled, the first thing she could think of to say that might make him leave. He obviously didn't hear her, however, for he only responded with a slightly agitated, "What's that?"

Clearly, she was going to have to talk to him. With a tiny sigh, she pushed the pillow off of her face, holding onto it with one arm as if to reassure herself. Pasting a smile on her face, she said, "Hey. What is it?"

He glowered down at her, clearly not happy at all. "I sent you a story. Didn't you see it?" He sat next to her, and Cassie almost went to lean against him but stopped herself. "Cassie, I know... sometimes, I'm kind of a...What...?" He focused on the paper Cassie held in her hands. She looked at it too. Whereas before it had seemed so illegible, now it looked to Cassie as if the words were bright and clear, scrawled across the page for anyone to see. Words that he could read. Words he would read. Why did I even do this?

"Angel... We need to talk. Did you even read the story I sent you?"

"Of course I did!" Cassie snapped, losing her temper far quicker than she thought she would as she looked up at him. "Clarence, don't look at me like that. I read it. I read it even though it made me feel like a horrible person! And then I spent the last few days trying to come up with a response, any response, and what I came up with was this--" She shook the paper at him "--even though it's stupid because I suck at writing, and it doesn't even say what I really wanted it to say to you. But it works, even though I hate it, so here you go." With that, she handed it over to him, her eyes flashing angrily. There. Happy now?

[More than Music]

Clarence Morgan

"Hey, feel like coming out and talking to me or what? Because I walked all the way from Annunciation Street to talk to you."

In response, she just muttered something, making him ask what she'd said. No answer for that either. She put on a fake smile that darkened his mood and said: "Hey. What is it?"

'What is it? I sent you something important, only asking that you show me, somehow, that you understood. Is that too much to ask? Why are you being this way, Cassie?'

"I sent you a story. Didn't you see it?" He sat down, hoping just a little that would help, but she didn't move. "Cassie, I know... sometimes, I'm kind of a..." His eyes wandered to her paper, interested. "What...?" He held back his questions and just looked at her squarely. "Angel... We need to talk. Did you even read the story I sent you?"

"Of course I did!"

Clarence got up off the bed, stiff and defensive. "You have no reason to talk to me like that," he growled, the only thing he could think of to say.

"Clarence, don't look at me like that. I read it. I read it even though it made me feel like a horrible person! And then I spent the last few days trying to come up with a response, any response, and what I came up with was this--" Waving the paper in his face, Cassie seemed to be reacting all at once. He didn't move, just staring at her.

They were taking turns acting, like some sort of play, because it was too much for them both to act at once. While they listened, they withdrew, for some reason listening to every word like it meant so much.

"--even though it's stupid because I suck at writing, and it doesn't even say what I really wanted it to say to you. But it works, even though I hate it, so here you go." She held it out to him and looked at him expectantly, anger in her face and eyes.

"Why are you being this way?!?" he demanded, snatching the paper from her. "I told you something I haven't told ANYONE and all you can do is act like I expected anything from you except a 'I get that you were hurt and it's okay'? That's ALL I wanted, Cassie! I didn't need you to..." His eyes fell on the paper again, causing him to grow quiet. "Cassie--" He didn't finish, unable to pull himself from the story. The more he read, the weaker he felt. That feeling of stupidity and expectancy for something that he couldn't have was no longer just lingering in the back of his mind.

Clarence moved closer and sat right next to her on the bed, setting the paper down slowly, putting it as far away from them as he could.

"I never meant to make you feel like... like I was expecting you to take this faster than you wanted to, Cassie." He avoided her eyes in an attempt to stay strong, his hand itching to touch her skin... "Look, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, to make you feel like you weren't doing this right... I was just trying to help you understand..." Finally, he met her eyes. "You're the only one that wants to understand anymore, angel. You're the only one. And I wanted to... I don't know... reward you for being so good for me... by telling you something I wouldn't tell anyone else. Something that hurts me..."

He looked away. "You don't have to love me. I can't expect you to. I'll never expect you to. So..." He got to his feet. "Just say the word, and I'll go. But only if that's what you really want." He swallowed. "If you need time, we both have it. And I'm pretty sick of you doing what other people want instead of what's best for you. So just... decide what it is you need me to do so I can do it. That's all I'm asking."

Clarence reached for Cassie's hand. "Please?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"Angel... We need to talk," Clarence said, seemingly oblivious to how Cassie was feeling. But maybe I should have expected that. I mean, everyone else is these days, so why should you be exempt from that? What makes you so different from the rest of them, from Erin and the rest, just not noticing how I really feel about things like them going to Japan or having babies with Italian girls half their age or anything? Hmm?

Why did I think you'd be any different?

"Did you even read the story I sent you?"

That made Cassie far angrier than she ever expected of herself. How could he assume that the way she was acting meant she'd just ignored his story, something he'd clearly put time and effort, and, dare she say it, heart into? Or worse, that she had read it and had chosen to ignore it anyway? What right did he have to assume that? Don't you know me at all?! "Of course I did!"

He walked away from her, evidently not believing what she said. "You have no reason to talk to me like that."

I have no reason to? Me?! Look who's talking! She glared daggers at him as she said, "Clarence, don't look at me like that. I read it. I read it even though it made me feel like a horrible person! And then I spent the last few days trying to come up with a response, any response, and what I came up with was this--" She shook the paper furiously at him, trying to draw his attention back to it as she continued, "--even though it's stupid because I suck at writing, and it doesn't even say what I really wanted it to say to you. But it works, even though I hate it, so here you go."

"Why are you being this way?!?" Clarence exploded, clearly as angry as Cassie felt. He tore the paper out of her grasp violently, causing her to shrink back away from him. "I told you something I haven't told ANYONE and all you can do is act like I expected anything from you except a 'I get that you were hurt and it's okay'? That's ALL I wanted, Cassie! I didn't need you to..." She didn't say anything, didn't even react as she watched his eyes fall onto the paper, moving back and forth as he read the hastily scribbled words. She lay back on the bed again, curling up on her side, feeling more alone and vulnerable than ever.

Would it just make him angrier? Was Erin right--did she need to worry about him hitting her? Or would he laugh at her, brush away her fears like Cassie herself sometimes tried to do? Honestly, she didn't know which would be worse. Why did I even write it in the first place? Why couldn't I have just left a comment or something... 'Sorry, I understand, it's okay?' Something stupid and thoughtless like that? God! Why do I have to be so stupid!

"Cassie--"

"What?!"

"I never meant to make you feel like... like I was expecting you to take this faster than you wanted to, Cassie."

She remained in her curled-up position, merely shifting her eyes to look at him as he went on. "Look, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, to make you feel like you weren't doing this right... I was just trying to help you understand...You're the only one that wants to understand anymore, angel. You're the only one. And I wanted to... I don't know... reward you for being so good for me... by telling you something I wouldn't tell anyone else. Something that hurts me..."

"Yeah, well, clearly that's what I did too," Cassie murmured.

"You don't have to love me. I can't expect you to. I'll never expect you to. So..." She watched as he got up again. "Just say the word, and I'll go. But only if that's what you really want. If you need time, we both have it. And I'm pretty sick of you doing what other people want instead of what's best for you. So just... decide what it is you need me to do so I can do it. That's all I'm asking. Please?"

With a sigh, she allowed him to take her hand as she sat up. "I don't want it to be this way," she admitted. "I'm just so mixed up and confused and upset and tired of dealing with everyone thinking everything's fine now. And...and you're gonna hate me for this, because I know you wanted to get your brother back. But..." she took a deep breath. "I don't think living together is a good idea."

She couldn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, because I know you wanted to...but I can't. I just...I don't know...and I'm sorry for making you feel this way, and for being this way. But I can't. You're always saying how I should do what I want, instead of what other people want, and..." she trailed off, feeling more miserable than ever.

[More than Music]

Clarence Morgan

"You have no reason to talk to me like that."

"Clarence, don't look at me like that. I read it. I read it even though it made me feel like a horrible person! And then I spent the last few days trying to come up with a response, any response, and what I came up with was this -- even though it's stupid because I suck at writing, and it doesn't even say what I really wanted it to say to you. But it works, even though I hate it, so here you go."

"Why are you being this way?!? I told you something I haven't told ANYONE and all you can do is act like I expected anything from you except a 'I get that you were hurt and it's okay'? That's ALL I wanted, Cassie! I didn't need you to..."

He lost his words reading the ones that Cassie had written.

"Cassie--" He tried, invain.

"What?!" She was still angry. D*** it! He took in a deep breath, trying not to get angry like he always did.

The truth was, he felt more like he'd reacted totally wrong than he thought she was trying to attack him. She felt like she needed to defend herself, just like he did. And that meant she wasn't attacking him, right?

Or was he just making this more complicated than it had to be?

Ugh!

"I never meant to make you feel like... like I was expecting you to take this faster than you wanted to, Cassie." No reaction from her as she laid curled up on the bed. He remembered laying like that more than once, afraid of being struck. "I'm not gonna hurt you, Cassie," he breathed. "Not with my hands... and I'll do my best not to hurt you with my words..." He swallowed. "Look, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, to make you feel like you weren't doing this right... I was just trying to help you understand...You're the only one that wants to understand anymore, angel. You're the only one. And I wanted to... I don't know... reward you for being so good for me... by telling you something I wouldn't tell anyone else. Something that hurts me..."

"Yeah, well, clearly that's what I did too." She was still being rude to him, which made him frown, but he stuck with what he meant to say.

"You don't have to love me. I can't expect you to. I'll never expect you to. So..." He got to his feet, feeling her eyes on him. "Just say the word, and I'll go. But only if that's what you really want. If you need time, we both have it. And I'm pretty sick of you doing what other people want instead of what's best for you. So just... decide what it is you need me to do so I can do it. That's all I'm asking." He hesitated before adding: "Please?"

She took the hand he'd held out to her. "I don't want it to be this way," she said, her voice low and hurt still. "I'm just so mixed up and confused and upset and tired of dealing with everyone thinking everything's fine now."

"Good," he said with a weak smile. "Because I don't want you to pretend it is anyway."

"And...and you're gonna hate me for this, because I know you wanted to get your brother back. But..." She was hesitating, taking a deep breath. Clarence narrowed his eyes, not sure what that meant.

"...Cassie?"

"I don't think living together is a good idea."

He froze. "W...What?" Biting his lip, he turned away. "Erin got to you, right?"

"I'm sorry, because I know you wanted to...but I can't. I just...I don't know...and I'm sorry for making you feel this way, and for being this way. But I can't. You're always saying how I should do what I want, instead of what other people want, and..."

"Baby, baby, baby," he sighed, turning back to her. "That's exactly why I'm not mad... And look, no talking about hating." He nudged her cheek with his nose. "I don't hate you. I thought you living with me could be good for you..." He paused, thinking now of a million reasons it wouldn't be a good idea. "But if it's not what you want, then..." He paused to shrug. "Fine. You've made your decision and I'll go with it. I'm not happy you decided it wasn't a good idea, but... at least you decided!" He smiled, leaning in to gently kiss her lips. "Hey. It's alright, babe. Do what's best for you. I don't plan on making you change that... I wouldn't want you to make me change my mind on something." Clarence laughed, his eyes wandering around the room. "You know how much trouble I'd give you about that."

"So..." He took in a deep breath and let it out. "What are you gonna do, hm?" He looked at her gently. "I wanna know what else you've decided."

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"I never meant to make you feel like... like I was expecting you to take this faster than you wanted to, Cassie," Clarence said, obviously feeling guilty. Cassie barely cared, not even acknowledging him as he went on. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm trying to make you understand. Is that so difficult? "I'm not gonna hurt you, Cassie," he breathed. "Not with my hands... and I'll do my best not to hurt you with my words..."

As much as Cassie wanted to believe him, she couldn't. Because whether he liked it or not, he already had hurt her with his words, and no amount of apologies would change that fact. And he certainly couldn't promise that he wouldn't hurt her again. Cassie knew that better than anyone. You can't promise that. Not 100%, anyway. You can say you won't and hope you won't and try to change your behavior and try as hard as you can not to, but there's never a guarantee, is there?

Especially with you. You've hurt me once and you can't make me believe just like that that you won't do it again. That's not how the world works.

"Look, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, to make you feel like you weren't doing this right... I was just trying to help you understand...You're the only one that wants to understand anymore, angel. You're the only one. And I wanted to... I don't know... reward you for being so good for me... by telling you something I wouldn't tell anyone else. Something that hurts me..."

"Yeah, well, clearly that's what I did too," she said coldly, interrupting him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him frown, but he didn't yell at her again like she was expecting. In fact, he remained uncharacteristically calm as he went on. Maybe I scared him with what I wrote. Who knows. "You don't have to love me. I can't expect you to. I'll never expect you to. So...Just say the word, and I'll go. But only if that's what you really want. If you need time, we both have it. And I'm pretty sick of you doing what other people want instead of what's best for you. So just... decide what it is you need me to do so I can do it. That's all I'm asking. Please?"

"I don't want it to be this way. I'm just so mixed up and confused and upset and tired of dealing with everyone thinking everything's fine now."

"Good," was all he said as she took his hand, sitting up on the bed. "Because I don't want you to pretend it is anyway."

"And..." she began, knowing there was no better time to tell him this. His words about doing what was best for her and only her for once had struck her to the core, and she had to tell him now, before he changed his mind about thinking that, about whether or not he was mad at her after all. She took a deep breath. "...and you're gonna hate me for this, because I know you wanted to get your brother back. But..."

"...Cassie?"

"I don't think living together is a good idea," she blurted out.

"W...What?" he asked, seemingly in shock. "Erin got to you, right?"

His words were like a blow to the stomach. How could he just look at her and assume that? Didn't he know her better than that? Yes, Cassie relied on people probably too much. Yes, her decisions were influenced by others, but that didn't mean she couldn't make her own decisions! Looking hurt, she lowered her voice as she told him, "No. I actually thought of that for myself, but thanks for the vote of confidence. Erin means a lot to me, but she doesn't control everything I do...I just can't do this, don't you get it?" She sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, because I know you wanted to...but I can't. I just...I don't know...and I'm sorry for making you feel this way, and for being this way. But I can't. You're always saying how I should do what I want, instead of what other people want, and..."

He cut her off, his facial expression softening. "Baby, baby, baby, That's exactly why I'm not mad... And look, no talking about hating. I don't hate you. I thought you living with me could be good for you..." His voice trailed off, and Cassie looked up at him, wondering what he was thinking. "But if it's not what you want, then...Fine. You've made your decision and I'll go with it. I'm not happy you decided it wasn't a good idea, but... at least you decided!"

"I'm not ready to live with you. I know you had all these ideas of how it could be okay, but...I'm just not, and I'm so sorry, but..."

He cut her off with a kiss, and after a moment of hesitation Cassie returned it. "Hey. It's alright, babe. Do what's best for you. I don't plan on making you change that... I wouldn't want you to make me change my mind on something." He laughed. "You know how much trouble I'd give you about that."

"Yeah."

"So...What are you gonna do, hm?" He met her eyes. "I wanna know what else you've decided."

Cassie managed a tiny smile. "Well, first I'm gonna stay with Erin for a couple weeks, while Yukito's in Japan, so she doesn't get lonely. And then when Erin goes to Japan, I'm gonna stay there, housesitting and stuff. It took a while to work it out, but I like what we came up with. So anyway, it's gonna be like a trail period, you know? So I can see if I like it, living on my own. And while that happens I'm gonna look for an apartment of my own. Maybe I'll even end up living with a roommate, I don't know yet. We'll just have to see what's out there. But I am moving out. Not until after my birthday, obviously, but...yeah. What do you think?" She looked up at him, almost shyly.

[More than Music]

Clarence Morgan

"I don't think living together is a good idea."

"W...What?" He was a little caught off-guard by her mentioning it now. Clarence looked away, like it could hide the crushing in his chest. "Erin got to you, right?"

Cassie withdrew too. "No. I actually thought of that for myself, but thanks for the vote of confidence."

He looked up at her a little, seeing that she was hanging her head. Why did it have to be so hard anyway? Why was it always so hard?

"Erin means a lot to me, but she doesn't control everything I do...I just can't do this, don't you get it?" She sighed and Clarence shrugged.

"I guess so."

"I'm sorry, because I know you wanted to...but I can't. I just...I don't know...and I'm sorry for making you feel this way, and for being this way. But I can't. You're always saying how I should do what I want, instead of what other people want, and..."

Now, this had to stop. His face automatically softened and he drew closer to her. "Baby, baby, baby, That's exactly why I'm not mad... And look, no talking about hating. I don't hate you. I thought you living with me could be good for you..." He was doubting himself now, not sure what to think anymore. "But if it's not what you want, then...Fine. You've made your decision and I'll go with it. I'm not happy you decided it wasn't a good idea, but... at least you decided!"

"I'm not ready to live with you. I know you had all these ideas of how it could be okay, but...I'm just not, and I'm so sorry, but..."

"Stop it," he said, cutting her off with a kiss. It took her a moment, but Cassie gave in and kissed him too. 'That's better. See? We can figure things out after all!' "Hey. It's alright, babe. Do what's best for you. I don't plan on making you change that... I wouldn't want you to make me change my mind on something." He laughed. "You know how much trouble I'd give you about that."

"Yeah."

He smiled. "So...What are you gonna do, hm?" He met her eyes. "I wanna know what else you've decided."

She smiled a little.

"There you go!" he cried, pointing at the corner of her mouth. "That's what makes you so gorgeous, angel."

"Well, first I'm gonna stay with Erin for a couple weeks, while Yukito's in Japan, so she doesn't get lonely. And then when Erin goes to Japan, I'm gonna stay there, housesitting and stuff. It took a while to work it out, but I like what we came up with. So anyway, it's gonna be like a trial period, you know? So I can see if I like it, living on my own. And while that happens I'm gonna look for an apartment of my own. Maybe I'll even end up living with a roommate, I don't know yet. We'll just have to see what's out there. But I am moving out. Not until after my birthday, obviously, but...yeah. What do you think?"

His eyes went a little wide. "Well, just throw it on me all at once," he laughed, scooting over to wrap his arms around her. "Okay, let me see if I got it all..." Clarence sent Cassie a wink. "You're gonna babysit a house for the love-birds while they're in Japan with Shrimpboy, meanwhile feeling out the general..." He waved one hand around like that would help him. "Feel of things." He looked at her again. "Then you'll see where things go from there. Right?"

Clarence smiled, kissing the edge of Cassie's lips. "Awesome job. Don't let anyone tell you you're not strong."

Those words meant more than they seemed to, but at least she was becoming her own person. She needed to know she was strong, she needed to know she was beautiful.

He just wasn't very good at showing her. Anyway, she needed to show herself. That was just how it had to be.

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"I guess so." But he clearly didn't get it, didn't want to even try to understand. He was just brushing her off again like all the rest of them, not bothering to figure out why she did things, just accepting them without telling her what he thought. Desperately, Cassie tried to explain it in a way that he would understand it. "I'm sorry, because I know you wanted to...but I can't. I just...I don't know...and I'm sorry for making you feel this way, and for being this way. But I can't. You're always saying how I should do what I want, instead of what other people want, and..."

"Baby, baby, baby," he interrupted, stopping her ramblings and clearly trying to soothe her. Cassie just looked at him. That's not what I want, don't you see? I don't want you to just comfort me like the rest of them, I want you to get it!

But apparently he did--or at least, he was trying to. "That's exactly why I'm not mad... And look, no talking about hating. I don't hate you. I thought you living with me could be good for you..." He was doubting himself now, not sure what to think anymore. "But if it's not what you want, then...Fine. You've made your decision and I'll go with it. I'm not happy you decided it wasn't a good idea, but... at least you decided!"

"I'm not ready to live with you," she said truthfully. Not at all, and there's no way I could pretend to be ready. I know you had all these ideas of how it could be okay, but...I'm just not, and I'm so sorry, but..."

Again, he interrupted what she was trying to tell him, this time with a kiss. Cassie paused before kissing back, all the while wondering why he was so reluctant to just let her finish what she needed to say. "Hey. It's alright, babe. Do what's best for you. I don't plan on making you change that... I wouldn't want you to make me change my mind on something. You know how much trouble I'd give you about that."

"Yeah," Cassie said quietly, still unconvinced and confused by his sudden change of behavior. Like a light switch... He asked what her plans were now that she'd decided that living with him was out of the question, prompting a tiny smile from her. "There you go!" Clarence exclaimed, gesturing towards her face. "That's what makes you so gorgeous, angel."

She ignored the compliment, eager to tell him of her ideas. "Well, first I'm gonna stay with Erin for a couple weeks, while Yukito's in Japan, so she doesn't get lonely," she began, listing off the rest of the itinerary for the next month. "And then when Erin goes to Japan, I'm gonna stay there, housesitting and stuff. It took a while to work it out, but I like what we came up with. So anyway, it's gonna be like a trial period, you know? So I can see if I like it, living on my own. And while that happens I'm gonna look for an apartment of my own. Maybe I'll even end up living with a roommate, I don't know yet. We'll just have to see what's out there. But I am moving out. Not until after my birthday, obviously, but...yeah. What do you think?"

He looked surprised for just a second, and Cassie looked at him in confusion. "Well, just throw it on me all at once."

Cassie raised one eyebrow at him. "What?" she asked with fake suspicion as he entwined his arms around her. She leaned into him as he said, "Okay, let me see if I got it all...You're gonna babysit a house for the love-birds while they're in Japan with Shrimpboy, meanwhile feeling out the general...Feel of things. Then you'll see where things go from there. Right?"

"Yes. Except don't call him Shrimpboy. But yeah, that's the general idea. Because I don't know how to live on my own, really, so this will be, like...a test. Seriously, I don't know how to cook or anything...so this will be good for me. To get out of my house, to learn, before I actually do it for real. It'll be good. Don't you think so?"

[More than Music]

Clarence Morgan

"That's what makes you so gorgeous, angel."

It was as if she didn't hear compliments. Like she screened them out and just kept going.

"Well, first I'm gonna stay with Erin for a couple weeks, while Yukito's in Japan, so she doesn't get lonely," she began, listing off the rest of the itinerary for the next month. "And then when Erin goes to Japan, I'm gonna stay there, housesitting and stuff. It took a while to work it out, but I like what we came up with. So anyway, it's gonna be like a trial period, you know? So I can see if I like it, living on my own. And while that happens I'm gonna look for an apartment of my own. Maybe I'll even end up living with a roommate, I don't know yet. We'll just have to see what's out there. But I am moving out. Not until after my birthday, obviously, but...yeah. What do you think?"

Clarence blinked. "Um... Well, just throw it on me all at once."

Cassie looked confused, asking "What?" and only managing to get ignored as Clarence pulled her close. She didn't seem to mind, curling close. "Okay, let me see if I got it all...You're gonna babysit a house for the love-birds while they're in Japan with Shrimpboy, meanwhile feeling out the general...Feel of things. Then you'll see where things go from there. Right?"

"Yes. Except don't call him Shrimpboy."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Kagayaki. Right. Like I'm gonna say that every time."

"But yeah, that's the general idea. Because I don't know how to live on my own, really, so this will be, like...a test. Seriously..."

Ignoring the rest of what she said, Clarence closed his eyes and held her firmly, just thinking about how she felt in his arms.

Everyone had been so worried about her living with him. He had a pretty good idea of why... They thought Cassie would get pregnant. Why? She was trusting him, a lot, and fast. Clarence wasn't shy about the fact he wasn't a virgin -- unlike the other people she knew. He'd, eventually, want to take it to the next level. As much as he told himself that wasn't a bad thing, and it never had been, the more he heard from Cassie's friends the more he doubted himself.

Sure, he regretted how easily he'd given himself away. Maybe the reason he hadn't pressed anything with Cassie yet was because... because he was afraid of her feeling the same thing.

The times after that weren't all that important to him, actually. If Cassie hadn't been a virgin, he wouldn't think about this so much.

But would he really have the guts to take that from her when they both knew he didn't believe in forever anymore?

That would come in time, perhaps.

"Don't you think so?"

Clarence blinked. "Yeah, sure," he said, automatically, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Look, my opinion isn't as important as yours, you know." He sent her a wink. "And I'd never want to make you do something you didn't want to do..." He was hesitating. WHY was he hesitating? "...especially anything with me." Clarence looked away from Cassie, just pulling her against his chest. "You know I mean that... don't you?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"Okay, let me see if I got it all..." Clarence said, even though Cassie was sure she'd been clear about her plans the first time. "You're gonna babysit a house for the love-birds while they're in Japan with Shrimpboy, meanwhile feeling out the general...Feel of things. Then you'll see where things go from there. Right?"

Cassie frowned at the use of the nickname. It bugged her more than she could really explain, the condescending way he talked about her ex-boyfriend...about, truthfully, one of the best friends she'd ever had. I don't talk about people in your life like that...not your brother or your cousin you apparently live with or your horrible parents or anything. But Erin's right, you repeatedly trash talk the people who are important to me... "Yes. Except don't call him Shrimpboy."

He only rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Kagayaki. Right. Like I'm gonna say that every time."

Cassie changed the subject, deciding it wasn't worth it to fight over it now. But yeah, that's the general idea. Because I don't know how to live on my own, really, so this will be, like...a test. Seriously, I don't know how to cook or anything...so this will be good for me. To get out of my house, to learn, before I actually do it for real. It'll be good. Don't you think so?" The entire time she was talking, she got the sense that he wasn't listening, but she told herself she was just being paranoid. Still...do you ever really listen to me when I talk? Or am I just talking to myself over here?

"Yeah, sure," was his only response as he briefly kissed her cheek. Were you even listening? Do you even know what I just said? Do you even care, Clarence? "Look, my opinion isn't as important as yours, you know.And I'd never want to make you do something you didn't want to do......especially anything with me." He pulled her closer to him again. "You know I mean that... don't you?"

Not really.

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "So, was that all you wanted to talk to me about, or was there something else...?"

[More than Music]

OOC: We should wrap this up soon, lahve. : )
BIC:

Clarence Morgan

"You're gonna babysit a house for the love-birds while they're in Japan with Shrimpboy, meanwhile feeling out the general...Feel of things. Then you'll see where things go from there. Right?"

Cassie looked a bit upset. 'What?' "Yes. Except don't call him Shrimpboy."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Kagayaki. Right. Like I'm gonna say that every time."

'It's not like you still care about him anymore, so why does it matter? ... Or do you still have feelings for him?' He watched her as she spoke. 'You don't... do you?'

He admittedly spaced for a moment. It had never really crossed his mind that Cassie still had feelings for that kid, who obviously still had feelings for her.

Clarence didn't like the feeling that gave him.

"Don't you think so?"

"Yeah, sure," he said, coming back to the conversation and kissing her cheek like that would remind her of what they'd become. 'Hey, maybe he said he loves you, but I'm respecting your future enough not to mess it up. Isn't that a good thing? A better thing?' "Look, my opinion isn't as important as yours, you know. And I'd never want to make you do something you didn't want to do......especially anything with me." He pulled her closer to him again. "You know I mean that... don't you?"

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "So, was that all you wanted to talk to me about, or was there something else...?"

Clarence rolled his eyes again. "I came because I didn't see you talking, babe." He scooted closer to her, laying his head on her shoulder and letting his lips brush against the nape of her neck. "Now I just wanna be here. Is that okay with you?"

'Don't do what I think you're gonna do. I know I'm not that good at being sympathetic or anything, but I really do care about you. Don't become like them. Don't forget that.'

"I might love you," he whispered just for her to hear.

[The Phantom of Paris]

OOC: Works for me! BIC:

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"Don't you think so?" she asked, not really wanting to know if he agreed as much as she wanted him to actually listen to the words that were coming out of her mouth. Because he wasn't, not really, Cassie could tell. He was just pretending to, not really paying attention to her and taking it for granted the fact that she couldn't see his face, couldn't tell for sure that he wasn't listening. Why do I feel like you're never listening to me?

Kagayaki would have listened to me, Cassie thought before she could stop herself. He always listened to me, even when I didn't really want him to...even when I thought that there was nothing to say.

No. She couldn't think like that, could she? Cassie shook her head slightly, as if that would make those thought simply vanish back to where ever they'd come from, hidden in her mind. Just forget it. You're just being weird and frustrated because he's not listening...just forget it!

"Yeah, sure," was all Clarence said as he pecked her on the cheek. "Look, my opinion isn't as important as yours, you know. And I'd never want to make you do something you didn't want to do......especially anything with me. You know I mean that... don't you?"

"Yeah," she answered quietly, knowing even as she did so that she was lying. But not really...it would be a lie if I said that when I really meant no, that I didn't. But that's not what I mean, or what I think, not at all. I just don't know, that's all. It's not a definite yes or a definite no. I'm just not sure. So it's not a real lie, is it? "So, was that all you wanted to talk to me about, or was there something else...?"

"I came because I didn't see you talking, babe." Clarence drew her closer to him, kissing her neck gently, and Cassie closed her eyes. Weren't you supposed to feel safe and content and perfect in the arms of your boyfriend? Cassie didn't. Not really. Not yet, not now, and she felt horrible for it.

Cassie felt...lost.

"Now I just wanna be here. Is that okay with you?"

Cassie smiled, eyes still closed. "Of course,"

"I might love you,"

How do I respond to that? 'Thank you,' seemed lame and unsure, not entirely unlike how Cassie was feeling now. 'I might love you too' sounded even weirder. What was the right thing to say? Everything Cassie could come up with sounded awful, so she did the next best thing, the only thing she could think of.

Turning her face up towards his, she kissed him.