72 Garden Lane--The Wright Residence

[More than Music]

OOC: Cassayaki plot. Super anxious! This was SUPPOSE to be a long post, but it's not... oh well. It's here. ^_^
BIC:

Kagayaki Aidou

He shifted in his jacket as he saw Cassie's house. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Kagayaki felt a fear in the pit of his stomach he hadn't felt in a long time.

Yes, a long time. But not long enough ago.

And he couldn't believe what had happened with his tosan. It was as if, randomly, his father had grabbed him by the hood of his jacket and dragged him over to the door, told him to get his shoes on. Kagayaki had asked where they were going.

"We're not going anywhere. You, are gonna pull yourself together and talk to Cassie-chan." Kagayaki's jaw had dropped, and he'd refused to move. Hideo-san had picked up Kagayaki's shoes and thrust them into his son's hands. "You are going, because you love her and you need to tell her what happened with Yumi, and you need to tell her how you feel." Kagayaki had started to protest when Hideo-san said something he couldn't forget. Staring straight into his eyes and making Kagayaki shrink away, his tosan had said, very clearly: "Don't. Run. Away."

That was as much as he'd take. Kagayaki put on his shoes, slamming the door as he'd left. He'd even forgotten his cellphone, and money for a taxi. So he'd walked to Cassie's house. It hadn't been fun at all, but he'd gathered his thoughts, and he was pretty sure he knew what to say now.

Wait. It was gone again.

He cursed himself for being so stupid, for kissing Yumi, for hurting Cassie as much as he had... How could they go on this way? She wouldn't forgive him. Even if she would, she shouldn't. He'd never cheated on any of his other girlfriends.

But he'd never been in love before Yumi either.

Taking a deep breath, Kagayaki knocked on the door, the familiar looming feeling of the huge house getting underneath his skin again. He shivered a little, waiting.

'I know you won't forgive me for what I've done, Cassie-chan. And I don't think you've love me for a long time. Just... please... don't hate me. I don't deserve you, I know that. And I've never been good for you... we're too different, we've been through too much. Maybe I'm not suppose to be with anyone. I don't know if anyone is really controlling our futures, but, whoever they are... I'd like to think they know what they're doing. I just don't know why this is happening to us.'

'You deserve better, Cassie-chan. You deserve better.'

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"I lied. I'm not out of this relationship. I'm in. I'm so in it's humiliating, because here I am, begging..."

"Meredith--"

"Shut up. You say Meredith and I yell, remember? Okay. Here it is. Your choice? It's simple. Her, or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, really big...pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window...unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me."[/i]

Never taking her eyes off of Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd on the TV screen, Cassie reached for a tissue to wipe the stubborn, hopeless romantic tears from her eyes. She had been sitting in her bedroom, watching episode after episode of Grey's Anatomy since she'd gotten home from school that day. Her homework and still unfinished college applications lay beckoning to her on her desk, but she ignored them, feeding DVD after DVD into the player and losing herself in the world of Seattle Grace Hospital. It was all she felt like doing--all she'd felt like doing for weeks now. She had no energy to do anything but surround herself with the familiar fictional characters on her favorite TV shows. In her heart she knew that she was really no better than Shelby had been in her worst days, but she couldn't help it. At least she wasn't skipping school, right? Or meals? Cassie took another bite of her dinner, a microwaveable pasta thing, to prove her point. Shelby hadn't eaten or gone to school at all. Cassie still was. And she wasn't talking to herself, like Shelby had done. She talked to people. That meant she was better than Shelby, right? Right?

The worst part of it was that Cassie wasn't even sure why she felt this way, unwilling to do anything that didn't involve watching someone else's life unfold before her eyes. She just did. It was better than dealing with everything else she had to deal with right now--pregnant stepmother, kissing Clarence, mom who came home drunk almost every night, school and college. Senioritis had struck Cassie hard at the beginning of the semester, and she didn't even care how much her grades sucked. She only cared about Grey's Anatomy, and The Office, and Private Practice, and Project Runway, and all of the other shows she watched. She barely recognized herself anymore. She only knew that she was happiest when she was transported somewhere else, with the help of her TV.

Maybe life would be easier of I was one of them. Meredith, or Pam, or whatever. It would. It definitely would.

On the screen, the scene changed, and Cassie took another bite of pasta, completely absorbed by the action. She sat there in silence, watching surgeries and relationships find more complications in them than they were worth. It took a moment or two before she realized that the strange sound she heard in the background was someone knocking on the door.

Cassie paused the DVD, looking down at herself as she decided whether she looked presentable enough to answer the door. She'd changed into some grey sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt when she'd gotten home, wanting to be comfortable without resorting to wearing pajamas or something. Her hair was a mess, but she grabbed a hair tie and quickly tied it up into a ponytail as she headed out the door and down the stairs.

Her surprise showed on her face as she opened the front door to find Kagayaki there. "Hey," she said quietly, a tiny smile coming across her face. "What's up? What are you doing here?"

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

He sat there for at least a couple minutes before someone came to the door. The smile was unavoidable when he saw Cassie standing there, wearing a hoodie and sweatshirt. Somehow, she pulled everything off well. "Hey," she said, smiling a little and looking surprised. 'I know... I never come over anymore. Please don't be upset with me, alright? Not yet. I'm here to tell you something that will break your heart. Please don't be upset already.' "What's up? What are you doing here?"

"I..." He swallowed, fighting to speak English like he'd seen Yukitokun and his father do. "I need... to... to tell you... something." Kagayaki was aware of the fact that he was speaking slow and breathing hard, but at least his English was getting better. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him, staring at Cassie softly. "I... needed... tell you, for... long time." Taking her hand, Kagayaki swallowed hard. "I... I... did, something..." Leaning forwards, he kissed Cassie's cheek, closing his eyes and forcing himself to breathe deeply.

"I..." He closed his eyes tighter. 'Say it! Say it!' "I... I did something... bad..." 'Not good enough! I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid!' "I... I kissed Yumi." Kagayaki took several steps back, prepared for something horrible to happen, some change to come over Cassie like had come over his father when he'd told him what he'd done. Like the change that had come over Yumi when he'd realized what was really in her heart.

Like the change that had come over him when he'd kissed Yumi last summer.

"D-don' hate me..." he whispered. "I... I don' love her no more... I know tha' now... Still... I did... kiss her... and..." He swallowed again, looking down. "I sorry."

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"What's up? What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to hide the irritation in her voice. She was safe in Grey's Anatomy Land, where the only problems were those on the screen, and were solved in 48 minutes or less, or, occasionally, a three-part story arc. She didn't want to be involved in real world stuff right now, not when everything was so perfect the way it was. Plus, the last thing I need is relationship drama right now. I'd like to keep all that between McDreamy and Meredith. Because I really cannot handle my own right now.

"I...I need... to... to tell you... something," Kagayaki said, sounding nervous and slightly breathless. I think you just did," Cassie thought snarkily, but she put on a tight, clenched smile and stepped back from the door. "Okay, come on in. Do you want to go somewhere else, or stay here, or..." Before she could finish, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. She didn't freeze up like she usually did--she didn't react at all. She just stood there, statuelike, until he moved away.

"I... I did something... bad..."

Cassie gave a small shrug at that. "Okay...not much to go on there, gonna need some more detail please--"

"I... I kissed Yumi."

Cassie froze.

A few lifetimes seemed to pass before Cassie managed to ask, "When?"

Because if it was before I insanely kissed Clarence, then I have a right to be mad at you. If it was after...then I really don't. Not unless I want to be a hypocritical liar... She forced herself to breathe, to think, to feel anything beside this strange numbness that seemed to be taking over her. Where's this famous Irish temper I always hear about? Seems like mine is never around when I need it.

"D-don' hate me...I... I don' love her no more... I know tha' now... Still... I did... kiss her... and...I sorry."

His pathetic attempt at an apology brought about a change in Cassie. Her eyes narrowed, and she could feel her fists starting to clench together. "Do you think," she began, her voice cold but emotionless, "that you can just say you're sorry and expect everything to be all right?" She looked down, unable to look him in the eye. "You know, I think that's exactly what my mother said to my father after she cheated on him."

Hello, my name is Cassie. And I'm a hypocrite.

[More than Music]

OOC: Kagayaki is sad right now. D:
BIC:


Kagayaki Aidou

"I...I need... to... to tell you... something."

Cassie stepped back. She was smiling. That was good... wasn't it? "Okay, come on in. Do you want to go somewhere else, or stay here, or..." He just couldn't help himself. He took a deep breath, kissing her cheek. She didn't move. That wasn't good... at all.

"I... I did something... bad..."

She shrugged. Shrugging wasn't good! It DEFINITELY wasn't good! Cassie didn't seem to be feeling anything, and that meant she was hiding from him.

'I've ruined everything! Everything! I'm never gonna be anyone boyfriend, ever again! I'm gonna stay away from people and never hurt anyone anymore!'

"Okay...not much to go on there, gonna need some more detail please--"

He couldn't take it long enough to let her finish. "I... I kissed Yumi."

He couldn't breathe until she finally whispered, "When?"

Kagayaki felt himself begin to shake. "D-don' hate me...I... I don' love her no more... I know tha' now... Still... I did... kiss her... and...I sorry."

She was holding her hands tightly in fists and her jaw was tight: Cassie was angry, very angry, and, to make it worse, she was mad at HIM.

'I hate myself! I'm so horrible!' Kagayaki wrapping his arms around his middle, trying to control his stomach as it did flipflops and backflips.

"D... Don't hate me..."

"Do you think, that you can just say you're sorry and expect everything to be all right?" She looked down. It was getting worse and worse by the moment! He just wanted to run, to go home to Kaachan and never, ever, ever come back to this place. "You know, I think that's exactly what my mother said to my father after she cheated on him."

He felt his heart stop for a second. 'Too late,' he thought. 'Too late: she already hates me.'

Kagayaki backed up, reaching blindly for the doorknob and trying to blink away the tears. "You... you do hate me... You do..." He swallowed hard. "... Good... You... you should." He tried to open the door, failing several times before it finally swung open wide. "I... I want you... to..." The tears were getting too much. "I will go now... and... I won't come back... That is what you want me to do, ne?" He stepped out the door backwards. "... Okay... I just... wanted you... to know... how horrible... I am..."

Unable to take anymore, he turned and ran outside. That was stupid, because he tripped and fell on the sidewalk, scraping up his bad knee. Taking in a sharp breath, Kagayaki closed his eyes and tried to pretend none of this was happening.

"I won't love ever again... I won't do this no more... I... I hate myself..." He barely heard himself, he was crying so hard now. "No one should ever love me... I'm a horrible person..." He looked up at the cars on the street. "If I hadn't made my promise to Kaachan... to Yukitokun... I would give myself what I deserve... I deserve to die..."

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"I... I kissed Yumi."

For a moment, Cassie felt her entire world come to a crashing halt. She didn't even know how to describe the way she was feeling. Betrayed, yes, shocked, devastated, even...but what was that other feeling, the one she couldn't quite place? Disappointment, or...was it relief?

At least I know why now. Why everything was so weird between us. It wasn't just because I was afraid. Cassie felt a rush of affinity towards her dad, wondering if he had felt the same way when he had learned of Kristen's infidelity. But this isn't the same, is it? Not the same at all--I can't categorize it as the same thing. It's more complicated than that. It always is.

"When?" It seemed to take everything she had left in her to ask that one simple question, the question that would decide everything if Cassie let it.

He ignored it, causing more anger to bubble up within Cassie than she had expected--more than she thought she was capable of in her numb, distanced state. "D-don' hate me...I... I don' love her no more... I know tha' now... Still... I did... kiss her... and...I sorry. D... Don't hate me..."

As if it would be fixed that easily.

As if hating him or not hating him would change what he had done.

As if she was truly capable of hating him.

"Do you think, that you can just say you're sorry and expect everything to be all right?" she said, looking away. "You know, I think that's exactly what my mother said to my father after she cheated on him."

Before she could realize fully what he was doing, Kagayaki had backed away from her and was struggling to open the ornate front door. Dimly, she realized that she had once again forgotten to lock it. It's not my fault. In my part of town, we don't have to worry about locking our doors. In my part of town, things like that don't happen because we don't let them. But other things do...because we do let them.

"You... you do hate me... You do...... Good... You... you should. I... I want you... to..."

"Don't you get it? I--"

"I will go now... and... I won't come back... That is what you want me to do, ne?"

"Don't be stupid, I don't--"

"... Okay... I just... wanted you... to know... how horrible... I am..." With that, he fled.

UGH! Did you seriously just run away from me! Why?! Why can't you be mature for once in your freaking life? God!

She was about to slam the door behind him when she heard something like a cry of pain. With a anguished groan, she raced towards the nearest bathroom, yanking open the medicine cabinet and grabbing a box of Band-Aids. She followed the sounds of his crying to the front walk leading up to the porch, about halfway between the house and the street. "Here!" she screamed, throwing the box at him as warm, fat drops of rain began to hit her cheeks. Despite being early March, the evening was mild and pleasant. "Take them! It's your own fault for running away. Why did you do that? Why can't you just own up to what you did, instead of running from me? You're so...so immature! I can't even believe this! You didn't even answer my question! When?! When did it happen? Why didn't you tell me before this? We could have...God! Why did you do this to me? Was it because I was too afraid to kiss you or something? Or was it something else? For God's sake, just tell me!"

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"You know, I think that's exactly what my mother said to my father after she cheated on him."

That did it. She hated him. She must. Otherwise she wouldn't want to hurt him so much.

"You... you do hate me... You do...... Good... You... you should. I... I want you... to..."

Cassie looked a little surprised, almost like she hadn't meant to hurt him at all. NOW how was he suppose to make things better? "Don't you get it? I--"

"I will go now... and... I won't come back... That is what you want me to do, ne?"

"Don't be stupid, I don't--"

Don't be stupid. She'd just told him not to be stupid, because he was being stupid.

Because he was stupid. He swallowed hard.

"... Okay... I just... wanted you... to know... how horrible... I am..."

He couldn't take it anymore. Kagayaki bolted outside, not stopping until the wet grass made him. A couple scrapes on his knees was nothing compared to what was going on inside of him, but it still hurt. He found himself crying again, and didn't even hear Cassie coming up behind him.

"Here!" Her voice made him jump so his head made contact with the box she'd apparently thrown at him.

"AH!" he cried, falling backwards a little, awkwardly catching himself. He stared down at the box. The pictures showed him there were bandages inside. "Na--"

"Take them! It's your own fault for running away. Why did you do that? Why can't you just own up to what you did, instead of running from me? You're so...so immature!"

Kagayaki looked up at her through the rain. "Cassie..." he choked, the word barely comprehensible.

She couldn't hear him. She could never hear him anymore. Not unless it would hurt. "I can't even believe this! You didn't even answer my question! When?! When did it happen?"

He swallowed. 'Can I say it? Can I even tell her that it was last year? That it was last September?'

"Why didn't you tell me before this? We could have...God!"

"No, we... we couldn't!" he cried, clambering to his feet, picking up the box. Staring at her defiantly, he threw the box towards the house. "An' I don't NEED you takin' CARE of me, when... when you don't CARE!"

"Why did you do this to me?"

That made him stop. It felt kind of like when Yukito had punched him, actually.

"Was it because I was too afraid to kiss you or something? Or was it something else? For God's sake, just tell me!"

Kagayaki bit his lip, then gathered back up his courage and pointed at her. "I NO stupid!" It was just the first thing that came out, so he went with it. "YOU... no... LOVE me!" Voicing it outloud was different from saying it in his head. Kagayaki took a step back, his posture showing he was a little afraid she would hit him. "You... You no love me... after..." He swallowed again. "No. I kissed Yumi..." He took a deep breath. "L... last Summer." Kagayaki took another step back. "You can has... no say, still."

He finally met her eyes. "How long it take you tell me... tell me he hurt you, Cassie? How long?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

She felt like a little girl on the playground as she lobbed the box of band-aids at him--a little girl who had had her pigtail braids pulled one too many times and was standing up for herself, or a bully who brought along band-aids. Or something else equally stupid. Cassie wanted to kick herself for how immature she was acting as she watched the box soar through the air towards him. She was immature. And that made her just like him. Sane people who acted their age didn't throw band-aids at their boyfriends. But he had started it, hadn't he? He ran away from her. He should have stayed, should have explained himself, should have talked to her, held a decent conversation for once in their ill-fated, fairy tale gone wrong relationship. He ran away. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, she thought. That's what he does. He runs away from his problems and hides. Just like a scared little boy.

"AH!" came the cry as she hit her target. "Na--"

Whatever he'd been planning to say, Cassie didn't hear. "Take them!" she shouted, her voice appearing to echo through the otherwise still neighborhood, mixing in with the sounds of the falling rain. "It's your own fault for running away. Why did you do that? Why can't you just own up to what you did, instead of running from me? You're so...so immature!"

He said something in a strangled voice, something that sounded vaguely like her name. She ignored him completely.

"I can't even believe this! You didn't even answer my question! When?! When did it happen?" He was silent again, infuriatingly silent. "Why didn't you tell me before this? We could have...God!"

This seemed to animate him, finally. "No, we... we couldn't!" He said, standing up. Looking at her with almost an air of defiance, he threw the box of band-aids back towards the house. "An' I don't NEED you takin' CARE of me, when... when you don't CARE!"

Cassie stared at him, at a loss for words for a moment. Then she exploded. "What are you, eight? What was that for? And don't you ever say I don't care, don't you ever say that! What couldn't we have done? Talked to each other? No, I guess not, because you always run away! But I should have known that, right, because that's what you do! You run from your problems! You ran away from Japan, you ran away from your family, you ran away from What's-Her-Face, you ran away from me at my birthday party! You always just run instead of facing things! Why?! Why did you do this to me? Was it because I was too afraid to kiss you or something? Or was it something else? For God's sake, just tell me!"

"I NO stupid!"

Cassie blinked. "Well, you could have fooled me, because you're certainly acting like that right now!"

"YOU... no... LOVE me!" Cassie stared at him, dumbfounded, for a moment, and he stepped back, apparently nervous. "You... You no love me... after..."

Cassie knew immediately what he meant--the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. All the breath hissed out of her in an angry rush. "No. I kissed Yumi...L... last Summer. You can has... no say, still. How long it take you tell me... tell me he hurt you, Cassie? How long?"

"Three weeks," Cassie said through gritted teeth, shaking in her attempt to contain her anger. "Three weeks, and for the record, that's the amount of time it took me to tell anyone, not just you. Because, contrary to popular belief, you are not the only one in my life who I care deeply about. The only one who knew was Yukito, and that's because he was there!! And what Mike did to me didn't change how I felt about you, it changed the way I looked at the world! Maybe you should know the difference, but that would be stopping your delusion that the world revolves around you, wouldn't it? You have no idea--" she said, and then she stopped.

"You have no idea what I've done for you," she said in Japanese, for once not even caring if her pronunciation was off. "See this? I learned it. I took classes. For you. It was a surprise for your freakin birthday. Well, SURPRISE!" she finished sarcastically in English.

"You never tell me things, you always run away. Well, you've already tried to run away once, and I want answers. Now." Her tone was threatening, almost menacing.

Because being angry was the only way she could stop herself from completely breaking down.

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"No, we... we couldn't!" He couldn't take it any more. Just sitting there and taking someone's anger was how he'd gotten a scar on his side. Throwing the box back at the house, he ignored the pain and focused on the girl in front of him. "An' I don't NEED you takin' CARE of me, when... when you don't CARE!"

There was a moment of silence before Cassie's anger came back full force. "What are you, eight? What was that for? And don't you ever say I don't care, don't you ever say that!"

Kagayaki just stared at her, eyes narrowed. 'It never feels like you care.'

"What couldn't we have done? Talked to each other? No, I guess not, because you always run away! But I should have known that, right, because that's what you do!" His eyes widened. This was worse than being hit in the chest with a metal rod. Much worse. Tears were coming into his eyes. He pointed a finger at her.

"NO! I do NOT!"

She didn't notice. As usual. "You run from your problems! You ran away from Japan, you ran away from your family, you ran away from What's-Her-Face, you ran away from me at my birthday party!" By now, he was having to rapidly wipe at his face to keep from crying. She looked pretty upset too. Maybe they deserved this. Maybe they weren't suppose to be together after all. "You always just run instead of facing things! Why?! Why did you do this to me? Was it because I was too afraid to kiss you or something? Or was it something else? For God's sake, just tell me!"

He bit his lip. Something else? What ELSE had he messed up that she was worried about? Why was it always his fault? Why was he the bad guy for just wanting her to show that she still loved him? Why was he wrong for feeling like he'd lost something when she'd been hurt?

And why did this all feel like his fault, for not being there when that man hurt her?

It seemed like getting angry was the only way out of his guilt. "I NO stupid!"

"Well, you could have fooled me, because you're certainly acting like that right now!"

That did it. Tears were streaming down his face and he stopped fighting them. 'I should have known you'd agree with him. He told me that every day: how stupid I was. Did you ever think that I've been hurt too? Did you know that I got hurt every day at school for almost a year? Did you ever wonder why I always limp on my left leg, even though it's getting to be years since the accident? Did you ever wonder if it was the feelings that were still there? The feeling that I was never good enough?'

Then it just came out: "YOU... no... LOVE me!" And he didn't have the courage to follow up with the same strength. "You... You no love me... after..."

The way her eyes flashed at him was something he already wished he hadn't seen.

"No. I kissed Yumi...L... last Summer. You can has... no say, still." He paused for a minute, taking a deep breath. "How long it take you tell me... tell me he hurt you, Cassie? How long?"

"Three weeks," she almost growled, her teeth not parting as she spoke. "Three weeks, and for the record, that's the amount of time it took me to tell anyone, not just you. Because, contrary to popular belief, you are not the only one in my life who I care deeply about. The only one who knew was Yukito, and that's because he was there!! And what Mike did to me didn't change how I felt about you, it changed the way I looked at the world! Maybe you should know the difference, but that would be stopping your delusion that the world revolves around you, wouldn't it? You have no idea--"

He felt his heart stop with her words. What? What was wrong now?

"You have no idea what I've done for you."

The Japanese coming from her mouth made him meet her eyes with fear. She could have put a gun to his head and gotten the same reaction. "C...Cassie..." There was wonder in his voice. But, this wasn't right! She'd always gotten so angry when he'd spoken Japanese! She hated that!

"See this? I learned it. I took classes. For you. It was a surprise for your freakin birthday. Well, SURPRISE!"

He was visibly shaking now. "I... I..."

"You never tell me things, you always run away. Well, you've already tried to run away once, and I want answers. Now." It wasn't a request. It was a command. He had no choice other than to answer her. And he wasn't capable of running anymore, not now that she'd beaten him down.

He swallowed, but all the wetness in his mouth had been dried up by her words, all the strength of his lungs to draw breath beaten out by her anger. For a few moments, he just stood there in the rain, crying, his eyes red from tears. "I..." He looked down. "I thought you hated it when I spoke Japanese..." Swallowing again, he managed to wet his tongue enough to speak English. "Cassie... I am... so sorry..." Looking up, he felt the rain begin to let up, but the tension between them had only risen. "So... you..." His voice cracked and he shook his head at how pathetic he was being.

"I am... I am bad. Not good for you." Taking a step back in case this just made her more upset, Kagayaki looked up into Cassie's eyes. "I love you... I do..." He swallowed again, still feeling like his mouth was dry. "Still... I can... I..." He closed his eyes. "I just don't know what to do anymore. And I don't want to keep hurting you." Drawing in a breath of courage, he took Cassie's hand weakly. "If you wanna... you... leave me. I am... sorry I... I break your... heart..." He blinked for a moment, rain from inside and out getting in his eyes. "And I... I no wanna... do it... no more."

Staring straight at her with all the courage he had, he cleared his throat. "What you wanna do?"

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

"What couldn't we have done?" she screamed at him, trying her hardest to comprehend his actions. "Talked to each other? No, I guess not, because you always run away! But I should have known that, right, because that's what you do!"

"NO! I do NOT!" he cried, lying again. Always lying to her, always. Just like everyone else.

"You run from your problems! You ran away from Japan, you ran away from your family, you ran away from What's-Her-Face, you ran away from me at my birthday party!" Dimly, she realized that she made him cry even as her own face stayed perfectly dry, the only moisture evident there from the steadily falling rain. She stood there, not caring as it soaked into her, drenching them both and making her wavy hair lie limp and flat against her face, sticking to the back of her neck. She felt slightly guilty for this, but the guilt only made her angry at herself. Whose side are you on, anyway? This only proves what a baby he is sometimes! Guys aren't supposed to cry at breakups! I should be the one crying, not you! You were the one who hurt me, who kissed your stupid slutty psychopathic ex-girlfriend who tried to get Yukito back! It's your fault, so why...

"You always just run instead of facing things! Why?! Why did you do this to me? Was it because I was too afraid to kiss you or something? Or was it something else? For God's sake, just tell me!"

That seemed to strike a chord, and they both fell quiet for an instant, Cassie still seething as she watched him. "I NO stupid!" he shot at her, apparently his only defense.

It was a low thing to say, Cassie realized before she even finished saying it. She knew how sensitive he could be about his dyslexia or whatever, just like Erin was. But she couldn't resist telling him the truth now. "Well, you could have fooled me, because you're certainly acting like that right now!"

"YOU... no... LOVE me!" he retorted, loud enough to make Cassie jump. "You... You no love me... after...No. I kissed Yumi...L... last Summer. You can has... no say, still. How long it take you tell me... tell me he hurt you, Cassie? How long?"



"Three weeks," she hissed furiously. "Three weeks, and for the record, that's the amount of time it took me to tell anyone, not just you. Because, contrary to popular belief, you are not the only one in my life who I care deeply about. The only one who knew was Yukito, and that's because he was there!! And what Mike did to me didn't change how I felt about you, it changed the way I looked at the world! Maybe you should know the difference, but that would be stopping your delusion that the world revolves around you, wouldn't it? You have no idea--" She stopped, deciding to reveal what she'd kept a secret for so long. Because, by now, I have nothing more to lose, do I?

"You have no idea what I've done for you." Cassie watched Kagayaki's eyes grow wide as dinner plates, shocked at her sudden switch to his native language. It wasn't perfect, certainly, and she still couldn't write it to save her life, but for once he was going to be able to understand her. "See this? I learned it. I took classes. For you. It was a surprise for your freakin birthday. Well, SURPRISE!"

He tried to say something, looking legitimately terrified. Cassie cut him off. "You never tell me things, you always run away. Well, you've already tried to run away once, and I want answers. Now."

"I...I thought you hated it when I spoke Japanese..." Slowly, she shook her head. "Cassie... I am... so sorry...So... you..."

"The only thing I hated was that I couldn't understand you," she said haltingly, her anger draining out of her rapidly as the emotional impact of the fight began to take it's toll on her. "And I felt like you couldn't understand me. So I thought...if I learned it, it would help. Then things wouldn't always get lost in translation between us. I'm not very good though, and I guess I was wrong, wasn't I? Her last words came out in a rush of breath, and Cassie looked away.

"I am... I am bad. Not good for you." There it was again, the beating himself up for no reason, the asking for sympathy. The easy way out, the acting like a little kid. Cassie couldn't take it anymore.

He stepped away from her. "I love you... I do..."

I love you too, Cassie wanted to say, but she couldn't.

Because her throat was locked so tight she couldn't speak.

Because he wouldn't believe her.

Because part of her didn't want to believe herself.

Because she didn't even recognize the two of them anymore.

"Still... I can... I..."I just don't know what to do anymore. And I don't want to keep hurting you." Cassie could only give a tiny nod as he reached out to take her hand. "If you wanna... you... leave me. I am... sorry I... I break your... heart...And I... I no wanna... do it... no more."

Cassie took a shuddering breath, taking her hand back out of his grasp. "I'm sorry. You can't do that. No one can. It makes me...it makes me think of that day when someone grabs my hand like that. So...just please don't."

What you wanna do?"

She looked at him softly. "What do you think, Kagayaki," she asked weakly, her voice defeated as she brought one hand up to touch her cheek.

It was then that she realized that, sometime during their tirade, she had started crying too.

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"I...I thought you hated it when I spoke Japanese... Cassie... I am... so sorry...So... you..." He couldn't even complete a thought.

"The only thing I hated was that I couldn't understand you. And I felt like you couldn't understand me. So I thought...if I learned it, it would help. Then things wouldn't always get lost in translation between us. I'm not very good though, and I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"No... I... I am... I am bad. Not good for you." He stepped away from her. "I love you... I do... Still... I can... I... I just don't know what to do anymore. And I don't want to keep hurting you." He reached for her hand, and she just nodded a little. "If you wanna... you... leave me. I am... sorry I... I break your... heart...And I... I no wanna... do it... no more."

She was scared again, pulling her hand away. He hung his head. Another thing he was doing wrong, right? "I'm sorry. You can't do that. No one can. It makes me...it makes me think of that day when someone grabs my hand like that. So...just please don't." He'd reminded her of that man again...

So she hated him like that man. Because that's what she saw when she looked at him. That was what it was.

He made himself keep talking. "What you wanna do?"

Her eyes fell on him, for once lately not filled with anger or fear. "What do you think, Kagayaki?"

Kagayaki looked away. "You want to leave me." He kicked the grass, his knees still stinging. "And... and it's best you do..." He forced a smile. "I love you. But I can't keep hurting you like this." He leaned in slowly and touched her tears with his fingertips. "I'm sorry." Taking several steps back, he shook his head, working so hard to keep his nerve. "I should go... is... is that okay? Can I go?"

'I don't want you to feel like I'm running away.'

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

She wanted to turn away, anything so she wouldn't have to see the look on his face when she took her hand away. It was a look she'd seen in various forms on all the faces of those she cared about...her father, Ilaria, Shelby, Erin...everybody. Sure, they pretended that it didn't bother them, told themselves that she would get over it eventually, pretended that they understood her reasoning for not wanting that kind of touch. But they couldn't hide how they truly felt in that first moment when she took her hand away, and she couldn't stop herself from looking for it every single time. And hating herself all the more when she saw it. Every time she told herself she was getting better--allowing herself to be hugged, or gently nudged, or something, someone would grab her hand like that again and she'd feel herself start to spiral downwards. And she hated herself for it every single time.

"I'm sorry," she said miserably. "You can't do that. No one can. It makes me...it makes me think of that day when someone grabs my hand like that. So...just please don't."

"What you wanna do?" he asked, her tone echoing hers. Cassie looked at him. After all that, could he honestly not know what she wanted? She wanted freedom. She wanted to escape this--all of it. She wanted to be herself again, to worry about herself instead of him and whether he was going to run away from her again.

She wanted a fresh start. Without him.

She wanted to find the old her again.

"What do you think, Kagayaki?"
"You want to leave me. And... and it's best you do..." Somehow, inexplicably, Cassie watched a smile cross his face. "I love you. But I can't keep hurting you like this."[/i] He reached out a hand to touch her face, his fingers mingling with the tears there. Cassie forced herself not to move away this time. "I'm sorry. I should go... is... is that okay? Can I go?"

Cassie nodded, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "Yes," she said softly, before stepping forward timidly and wrapping her arms around him in a very brief, but well-meant and sincere, hug. "I'm sorry," she breathed. Then she took a few steps away from him, hugging her arms to her chest. "You should...you should go. I'm sorry." She turned away, not wanting to completely break down in front of him.

[More than Music]

Kagayaki Aidou

"What you wanna do?"

"What do you think, Kagayaki?"

Something inside of him had wanted her to say "To try and fix this," but he knew that wasn't possible.

Because she didn't want to and, someday, he'd have to realize that and get over it.

"You want to leave me. And... and it's best you do..." He smiled at her, trying to make this easier. "I love you. But I can't keep hurting you like this." Kagayaki touched her tears with his fingertips. "I'm sorry. I should go... is... is that okay? Can I go?"

She nodded, more of her tears meeting his fingers. "Yes," she said, softly.

Then she did something that surprised him: she hugged him. Wrapping his arms around her tightly while it lasted, Kagayaki remembered when he'd first met her. She'd hugged him then too, thanking him for coming to help Erin and Yukito.

They'd changed so much since that day.

"I'm sorry," she breathed.

"Me too." His voice wasn't any stronger than hers right now.

"You should...you should go. I'm sorry."

He nodded and she turned away. Putting his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking, he swallowed, starting to walk down the street. Then he paused, looking back at her. He almost said something. He even opened his mouth to speak. But no words came. There was a feeling in him that told him to say something, but he didn't know what.

He hated this! He wanted to run, but he made himself walk. Albeit, it was a fast run, because he had this really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. That feeling was one he recognized. He had to get home.


Kagayaki is done here

[The Phantom of Paris]

Cassandra "Cassie" Wright

Before she even fully realized what she was doing, she was embracing him tightly, not entirely wanting to let go but knowing that she would eventually have to. Of him physically, and emotionally. Of him and their relationship, what they had once been. Eventually, though, her heart began to race at how tight he was holding her back, as if the same thoughts were running through his head. This, her ever-present fear over something that had happened more than half a year ago, was her cue to finally release him from her hold, hoping that he too could find it in him to truly let go. To move on, to one day be happy.

Without her. Because that was the way it had to be. They would suffocate each other otherwise, Cassie knew. It wasn't meant to be.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, wanting to say so much more than those two little words could ever be able to convey. She had always hated apologies for that very reason, because people used them too freely, tossing them around with no regard for what they truly meant. But now, it was all she could think of to say.

"Me too." Their voices almost sounded identical--pushed to the breaking point, yet still trying to retain some sense of strength for the benefit of the other person. At that moment, Cassie was struck with just how similar she and Kagayaki really were, and the revelation was enough to take the very breath out of her lungs. Because they really were just the same, almost.

"You should...you should go," she told him, her voice trembling. He had to leave. She couldn't take this anymore--she would break, collapse. "I'm sorry." I'm so, so sorry.

He didn't reply, simply turned and vanished down the street, hands in his pockets as if this had just been a casual encounter, and not something that made Cassie feel like her heart had been ripped out of her and tossed to the ground. She watched him go, tears clouding her vision. Her breath came to her in gasps as she gazed at his retreating form. "I love you," she whispered as he disappeared from her sight.

With a cry, she turned and fled into her house, slamming the door so loud the woodwork rattled. A door upstairs slammed in response, sounding even angrier than Cassie, but she chose to ignore this outburst from her ghosts. With a resounding click she locked the door, effectively locking him out of her life for good, and ran up the stairs.

It's over.

Cassie is done here.

[More than Music]

OOC: Set in the now. : )
BIC:

Clarence Morgan

This had gone on long enough.

He'd finally given in and told Cassie one of the biggest turning points in his life and she'd said... NOTHING. This had to be the worst thing that had happened so far in their relationship. In Clarence's mind, there was nothing worse than dead silence.

Staring up at the house, Clarence wished this could be simpler than it was. What if she hadn't said anything because she was really upset? He wasn't in the mood to console tears right now. Honestly, he wanted the reasons for her not saying anything to be something like a technical error or some sort of house-arrest with all links to the world disconnected.

Or something like that.

His fists clenched, he walked up to the front door. Why did she have to be so dodgy? Why did it have to be so hard?

Why did everyone have to hate him? Why did he have to deserve it?

Why was it that all he wanted to do right now was beat someone's face in? He couldn't be like this forever...

Knocking on the door as gently as he could manage right now, Clarence waited. 'Don't make me wait any longer, okay? I just want to know you understand. Is that so much to ask? Is that so hard for you?'